White Trash Damaged

“Did what? Neither of you has told me anything, and I am getting really tired of being treated like a fragile piece of glass. Spit it out.”

He sighed, resting his face in his hands with his elbows propped on his knees.

“I made sure you wouldn’t get hurt again.”

I didn’t respond. I didn’t know how to. I needed to know what had happened.

“Your father, if you want to call him that, just wanted money from you.”

“That’s not true.”

“It is, Cass. He called me after your visit. He asked if I could loan him a couple grand to get on his feet. I turned him down and told him my money was tied up with the band right now. He said he knew that couldn’t be true, that you had mentioned that the band was doing really well, that I’d paid to fly you out there. He has been texting me nonstop since. I offered him five grand but told him he would have to leave you alone, never contact you again. It was just a test, Cass—I never thought he’d take it. He took the money. He didn’t even hesitate.”

My heart shattered into a million fragments.

“He had to, Tucker. He has a family. He is struggling to make ends meet.”

“No, Cass. He didn’t have to take the money. He could have kept right on doing whatever he was doing before he saw you on that magazine. But he didn’t. He chose to cut you out of his life for five grand.”

I had never felt this rejected. For a brief moment I had a family again, I had siblings. And now . . . they were gone.

“Why would you do this to me?” I knew Tucker wasn’t the one to blame, but if he had just left this alone, I would still have them. I preferred blissful ignorance to the harsh reality of life. I’d had enough of that in my past.

“Cass, I didn’t want to see you hurt. I was trying to protect you.” He reached for my hand, and I pulled back, pushing to my feet.

“But what did you think would happen? Did you think I would thank you for taking my family away from me?”

“I expected your father to turn me down. I expected him to be the man he is supposed to be, one who would never put a price tag on his relationship with his daughter. I was shocked . . . horrified when he accepted.” Tucker shook his head. “But the moment he did, I knew he was no good for you. Toxic. I knew I needed to get him as far away from you as possible. Don’t you see, Cass? All he wanted was money from the start. That’s why he reached out. . . .”

I shook my head, begging the tears to stay at bay. I didn’t want to be the fragile thing he thought I was. I wanted to be strong. I needed to be strong.

“Now that you have proven yourself right, I hope you feel better. I’ll let you get back to this private session with whoever that woman is.” I turned to leave as his fingers looped around my elbow to stop me.

“Don’t do this, sweetheart. I didn’t want you to get hurt, but you would have eventually.”

I turned back to him, glaring.

“You wanted to make sure you were the one to do it? Congratulations. I’m out of here.” I yanked my arm free and shoved open the door, causing it to bounce off the wall behind it. The brunette jumped, startled by the noise. I narrowed my eyes at her as I walked out into the lobby, not bothering to look at Donna.

I’m sure she thought I was being jealous and flipping out about Tucker being alone with whoever that woman was. It didn’t matter. She won. She had successfully driven a wedge between Tucker and me, and now he had managed to push me away. I was beyond done and felt more alone than ever.

I had given up everything and tagged along on this tour and somehow lost myself completely in the process. No matter what I tried to do, I couldn’t crawl out from under Tucker’s enormous shadow.

I stood in the parking lot, not sure which way to turn. I had no one and nowhere to go. I was lost and alone. The door opened behind me and I turned, wanting to run into Tucker’s arms, but I came face-to-face with Donna.

“What could you possibly want?”

“I think this relationship has become unhealthy, and I don’t think it’s good for Tucker.”

“Good for Tucker? You have a lot of nerve trying to tell me what is best for him. He is my boyfriend. Just in case you didn’t notice, I am the one who is getting hurt, not him.”

“In any case, this isn’t good for his career.”

“That’s all you care about, isn’t it? You could give a shit about whether he is hurting. He’s just a dollar sign to you.”

She crossed her arms over her chest.

“That is what he hired me for. Don’t forget that if he didn’t want me here, I wouldn’t be here.”

She was right. They could easily fire her and find another manager. Tucker was the leader of the band and could make that decision, but he hadn’t, even if it was making me miserable. Emptiness settled inside of me and I was ready to run, to escape this feeling. I was in self-destruct mode. I wasn’t thinking clearly. I shook my head and walked away from her. I didn’t have it in me to fight any longer. I was devastated by my father’s ability to choose money over his own child. I felt like he’d abandoned me all over again.

I ran back to the bus and grabbed my purse and a tote bag. I couldn’t take it any longer, any of it. I threw in a few of my belongings, not wanting to waste too much time. I didn’t want to run into Sarah or Eric or anyone who would try to convince me to stay. I knew I was being irrational, but this time, I wasn’t strong enough to fight my instinct to flee.

I tossed my cell phone on the table and left, hoping I wouldn’t have to walk too far to find a decent hotel. I needed to find an inexpensive way to get back to Georgia or as far away from anyone I knew here. I could become whomever I wanted to again. I could start over.

I pulled open the door to the bus and came face-to-face with Tucker. He took a step onto the bus, and I took one step backward. His eyes fell to my bag and back to my face.

“You were leaving me?” The pain in his voice sliced through my heart like a hot knife.

“Tucker.” My voice shook and I swallowed hard, trying to summon my strength.

“Don’t, Cass. You promised.” He shook his head. “Do you have any idea what it would do to me to come back here and find you gone? Do you even care?”

Tears began to flow freely down my face, and I wanted to press myself against him and be wrapped in his arms, but I stayed frozen.

“Of course I care, Tucker.”

“If you did, you wouldn’t do this shit. Not again.”

“You shouldn’t have called my father.”

“I couldn’t let him hurt you, Cass,” he yelled angrily.

“Instead you hurt me.”

“That’s not true.”

“It is true.” I raised my voice, refusing to be painted as the bad guy. I needed to stand up for myself. “You’ve been pulling away from me ever since Donna showed up. You didn’t give me credit for my song, and now you’re interfering with my family.”

“Donna is our manager and I won’t always like the things she does, but she is doing what is best for the band. And I said I was sorry about the song, Cass. I . . . I don’t know what else to do. . . .” Tucker sighed, then turned and looked me straight in the eye. “And I am your family, Cass. Not some asshole who abandoned you when you were little and doesn’t give two fucks what happens to you. He should have been there to protect you from Jax, but he wasn’t. I was.” He was yelling now.

I placed my hands over my face and began to sob, the truth in his words finally sinking in. Tucker was the only one who had ever been there for me, no matter how hard I tried to push him away. His arms wrapped around me as he pulled me tightly against his chest. His cheek rested on top of my head as he cocooned me. As much as I tried to fight it, from fear of being hurt, he wasn’t going to leave me. No amount of jealousy or family drama was going to make him run away. I finally felt safe.

“Don’t cry, sweetheart.”

His words only made my cry harder as his hands rubbed soothingly over my back.

“I’m sorry I yelled at you,” he whispered into my hair and placed a kiss on the top of my head.