Take Me Home for Christmas

He’d assumed he could handle this, that his calm would help Sophia cope. But he was pretty sure he found Elaine’s condition as upsetting as Sophia did. He tried to talk to her, to tell her what Skip had done and how badly her daughter needed some kind word, but she wasn’t paying attention. She kept rocking back and forth and babbling nonsense. Then she got up, returned to the vending machine and started shaking it.

She seemed to forget he was even there, but he cleared his throat, reminding her, and she came back to the table.

“Money!” she demanded.

Ted didn’t mind giving her a few bucks, but he worried about letting her eat so much candy at one time. He was afraid it would make her sick. What if she discovered that the chocolates they’d brought were just as delicious as the candy she was getting out of that machine? She’d eat the whole pound on top of what she’d already had.

“Tell you what,” he said. “If, when Sophia comes back, you’ll give her a hug and tell her you love her, I’ll leave enough money that you can buy a treat every day for a long time.”

“Money!” she demanded, as if he hadn’t just stated his terms.

“Did you hear me?” he said. “Will you do it? I know you can do it.” He actually didn’t know that, but he was hoping to encourage her. Of all the things he could give Sophia, for Christmas or otherwise, he thought this would mean the most.

Her dark eyes studied him as if he was a creature she’d never encountered before. “Who are you?”

“Ted Dixon.”

“Are you here to kill me?” she asked.

“Definitely not.”

“You look mean.”

“Sorry about that.”

“Why are you here?”

“I came with your daughter. We used to date. You don’t remember?”

“I don’t have a daughter,” she said as if she was tired of hearing otherwise and didn’t want one, regardless.

He had to wonder if she’d convinced herself that Sophia didn’t exist because it eased the pain of those moments when she came back to “herself” and remembered everything she’d lost. Or if she really believed, consistently, that she was childless. Maybe it would be just as difficult for Sophia, possibly more difficult, if Elaine remembered and begged to be released from the facility. He winced when he considered how helpless he’d feel if it was his mother in here.

“You do,” he insisted. “Her name is Sophia.”

“I like that name,” she said.

The door opened as Sophia returned, and he shoved the See’s Candies toward Elaine to distract her. He didn’t want her to say anything else about not having a daughter—or that she liked Sophia’s name as if she’d never heard it before. “Maybe you’d enjoy one of these.”

She knocked the box aside—almost onto the floor—and cast a longing glance at the vending machine. That was when Ted decided it was time to give up. He’d done what he could. This was heartbreaking to watch; he couldn’t imagine what it was doing to Sophia. He’d meant to help, but he was afraid he’d done the opposite. He hoped it wouldn’t send her back into a tailspin.

“We’d better get going or we’ll run out of time to find you a car,” he told her.

He was planning to take her to an AA meeting before they went home, but when he put a hand at her back to propel her from the room, her mother stood up and said, “Don’t go!”

The panic in her voice took them both by surprise.

“Mom?” Sophia’s eyes were wide and wary.

Nervous as to how Elaine might answer, Ted caught and held his breath. He held on to Sophia, too.

“I love you,” Elaine said, then she looked to him for approval. It wasn’t a perfect rendition of what he’d requested. There’d been less emotion in “I love you” than there’d been in “Don’t go,” and no hug, but Ted guessed Sophia hadn’t heard those three words from her mother in a long, long time.

“I love you, too,” she whispered.

Fortunately, the moment Sophia choked up, Elaine seemed to understand that the correct reaction to tears would be tenderness. Her expression softened and a vague smile claimed her lips. It was just normal-looking enough to encourage Sophia to step forward and embrace her.

Elaine didn’t do much to respond, but she didn’t try to break Sophia’s hold, either. She seemed confused.

Taking Sophia’s hand, Ted led her out of the room, and he was glad he had. As they left, he could hear Elaine yelling for money, but Sophia was so overcome with what’d just happened that she didn’t seem to put two and two together. He walked her to the car before saying he thought he’d dropped his keys and headed back.

Elaine was so upset, the nurses were having to restrain her, but the second he walked back in and held up the money he’d promised, she calmed down.

“Thank you,” he told her and put the hundred in her hand. “See that she gets a candy bar of her choosing every day for as long as this lasts, okay? And let her get it out of the vending machine herself.”

“It’ll rot her teeth,” one of the nurses said, but what else did she have to enjoy in life?

“She earned it,” he said. “Merry Christmas, Elaine. You did a wonderful thing a second ago. I appreciate it.”

“I love you,” she shouted after him as if that might bring more money, and he had to chuckle.

29

Sophia didn’t think she’d ever had a better afternoon. It was cold outside and rainy, but the car dealerships were decorated with garlands and ornaments and there was Christmas music playing every time they ducked in out of the wet. More than once they had a salesman bring them hot chocolate or hot cider. They weren’t having much luck finding a car she could afford, but just being with Ted made Sophia happy. They talked and laughed as they explored various possibilities and, during quiet moments when Ted was in discussion with a salesman or hurrying across the lot to see if the car he’d spotted in the distance might be worth investigating, Sophia reflected on what it had been like to hug her mother after so long.

Good, she decided, a miracle for the brokenhearted. She wasn’t sure she could maintain the confidence she was suddenly experiencing, but it was so wonderful to feel even remotely capable of becoming what she wanted to be that she couldn’t stop smiling. Ted seemed to like that; at one point he caught her hand and pulled her close to him as if he’d kiss her. He didn’t, but he stared down at her and said, “You are so beautiful.”

A salesman interrupted before either of them could say anything else, but she tucked that memory away, too, to savor like the warmth of the sun finally hitting her face after a long, cold winter.

She was just going over it again, wondering what he might’ve said or done next, when he nudged her. “What do you think?”

They were looking at a 2002 Hyundai Elantra with 139,000 miles for $4,500. It was silver and not bad- looking on the outside, but the inside was pretty worn.

The reality of her impoverished circumstances really sank in as she got behind the wheel and smelled the mildew the air freshener couldn’t quite conceal. Was the engine in any better shape?

She had no way to tell, and Ted wasn’t much of a mechanic.

“I’m worried it might need repairs,” she told him. “It has so many miles. But...maybe it would last a year or so.”

The salesman reassured her it was in great shape, but Sophia knew better than to trust him.

“Should we go home and think about it?” she asked.

“I doubt you’ll find anything better,” Ted replied, and that convinced her to give it a shot. This was the best