She relaxed a little into him, leaning against his side. He liked that more than he’d liked any woman leaning against him, and now he knew why. Fate. Destiny.
“Not ready,” he repeated. “I’ve been on my own for a long time. Just thought you should know.”
She said, “As if I couldn’t deduce that?” But her tone lost an edge. “We have excellent sex. We have great affection for each other. Sometimes we even make love instead of having sex.”
To his horror he heard tears in her voice.
“Yes,” he responded quickly to stem any soggy reaction, though he didn’t want to admit that. He stood and drew her up and kissed her, tangled his tongue with hers, luxuriated in her taste. Her city librarian taste that he would lose in a while. He’d miss her. Didn’t know how he’d manage nights without her, his body quickened so fast and fierce when he was with her.
She broke the kiss and stepped away, looking the most beautiful she ever was, after a lusty kiss. But those brown eyes of hers were steady. “You won’t come with me?”
He hesitated.
“You don’t want anything more from our relationship than sex?”
He winced. That sounded bad, when all he wanted was to go slow . . . really slow. But he swallowed and let the truth out. “I wasn’t even sure of that to begin with. We’re just getting to know each other outside of bed. This is a small community. I was concerned about gossip if we hopped right into bed together.”
“Concerned you might not get to have sex with others if you have a real relationship with me.” Her tone held bitterness.
But he couldn’t deny it, not even now, didn’t know that he wanted to. That had been his life, and he’d always treated his short-term lovers well. Better than some of them had treated him. He still shuddered at being left in the wilderness with a stridebeast and barely enough provisions to get him to the next town.
That woman was long gone, his mother and her betrayal more than a decade past. This was Glyssa. He turned his head to look at her, squashed his irritation. He
She flinched, turned pale.
He reached out with both hands toward hers that were clamped together, then dropped his.
Quietly he went on, “And I haven’t been with anyone else in camp since you got here. You know that.” After a short exhalation, strangled words came from him. “I haven’t wanted to be with anyone else.” He turned on the log to face her fully. Dipped his head so he could meet her downcast eyes. “The truth is, Glyssa, that I haven’t ever had any long-term relationships. Not in all of my life. I’m sorry if I’m hurting you.” Since he didn’t think she wanted to be touched, he rubbed the heel of his hand against his chest. “I gotta go slow, and showing up in Druida City and meeting all your Family and friends isn’t slow.” They’d judge him, people so different than he, people who’d spent their lives in the same place and a completely different social status. They’d definitely have expectations of him, his behavior, his intentions, that he might never figure out.
Again he fumbled to put feelings into words. “And you’re not just a few nights’ lover, Glyssa . . . I never forgot you. You’re a forever kind of person, Glyssa, and the HeartBond is a forever bond. I’m not used to forever kinds of people or HeartBonds and I’m not ready.”
Her brown eyes drilled him as she kept her gaze matched with his. “I don’t think this is too much to ask. I want you to come with me.”
And that shot him back into the past. His mother’s demands had always started, “I want you . . .” She’d never asked what his father or he wanted. And that last time, she’d demanded “You must!” How often did “I want you . . .” escalate into “You must . . . !”? He didn’t know, had tried hard to avoid finding out.
Glyssa wasn’t his mother, either, but her words echoed in his head and reminded him of all the bad times, dark thoughts clouded his mind, blackened his emotions. He shook his head but couldn’t dispel them. “I’m sorry. I won’t fit in. I can’t be what your Family will expect me to be.”
Now she flushed. “They won’t expect anything—”
“Won’t they? Didn’t they call you back to judge
“You’re my HeartMate!”
He slanted her a look. “I can barely think of that . . . that concept.” He slapped his chest. “And I sure don’t know what it means here.”
She rose, too, but didn’t clasp her fingers in his, met his eyes again. “You’re more important to me than my career.”
“I don’t even have a career,” he said bluntly. “I have jobs. One in particular right now.” He had little to offer her.
“You bought shares.”
“That doesn’t mean I’ll stay, that any of us here who bought shares will stay. I know your career is important to you.” He sucked in a breath. “And I know you . . . want . . . me there with you. But that doesn’t feel like the right decision for me now . . . and I’m not sure it’s a good one for you, either.”
Her mouth set. “You don’t know my Family.”
He heard what she didn’t say. “And I don’t know you well, either. I understand that. And I understand that we might know each other better if I go with you to Druida City. But it seems to me we’d be under a lot of pressure.”
She stared at him, repeated, “You don’t know my Family.”
Irritation flashed. “I know families can trap you!” He jerked a gesture at her. “Look, they have your whole future in their hands, a career you love and you have to follow their rules. They put pressure on you. They manipulate you. They use you to fulfill their own wants. Just like my mother used me.” Nausea welled as he recalled how his mother had used him, drained him, and hadn’t cared whether he’d lived or died. Had used his father to the death and discarded him.
She shook her head. “My Family
“Love is a lie.” His mother had told his father often enough that she loved him, even told Jace all through his childhood when he’d wanted to please her as much as his father did. Family relationships were hard to overcome, and most didn’t look healthy to him. Not that he would know healthy.
“No, love is not a lie.” She swallowed, then yelled to their Fams. “We’re going now, come on!”
Zem was decorating his nest, and Lepid began running back.
Later, Jace didn’t watch as she and the fox left in the airship.
As soon as the small ramp descended, Glyssa saw her friends and two tough-looking men, one older and the other in his twenties. She held back Maxima from running until Camellia called, “It’s all right, it’s FirstFamily GrandLord T’Blackthorn and his cuz, Draeg Betony Blackthorn.”
Glyssa let go of the girl’s arm and Maxima raced toward the older man and jumped into his arms. T’Blackthorn gave Glyssa a nod, then his face broke into a grin and he tossed the girl up in the air as if she was three instead of a teen, and Maxima giggled like that, too.
Then Glyssa was swamped by her friends Camellia D’Hawthorn and Tiana Mugwort and they all talked at once and cried. Lepid bolted from his basket and yipped and circled them, jumping to lick a hand or some fingers.
The Comosums walked right by them to an elegant Family glider.
Glyssa took a deep breath. The air in Druida City smelled different than the plains and forest of the excavation site with a hint of Jace spice when he was near.
During the glider trip to the workday-empty D’Licorice Residence and their long gabfest in Glyssa’s suite, she detailed every little thing about Jace to her friends. They shared a glance, but said nothing about her HeartMate. Then they quizzed her about the events at the camp and the looks of
Glyssa promised to have dinner with Camellia and her HeartMate Laev the next evening, but Tiana said she couldn’t make it. As Glyssa walked her friends to the main teleportation pad in the common Family library, both
