(Never) Again

I smiled at Tanya then turned to Zach. “We know. Go beat the bottle or whatever. We’re talking.” He shook his head and turned away.

I went to go back to our conversation, but I watched Zach out of the corner of my eye. He held the yellow pages on the wall next to the doorway then took the wine bottle in his hand, neck facing away from the book, and began hitting the bottle against the book.

He was kidding, right? There was no way in hell this was going to work. I’d be cleaning up shards of glass and wine off the floor before I knew it. Then, little by little, with each hit against the book, the cork slowly made its way out until I heard a pop.

I was impressed, but I wouldn’t show it. Josh threw his arms up in victory and patted Zach on the back for a job well done. Zach was proud and didn’t hide it. Neither did Tanya, who thanked Zach by planting another sloppy kiss on his cheek. He held the bottle out with the hand that wasn’t wrapped around her waist, and Vicky grabbed it.

“Glasses?” she asked.

“Right here.” I got three down and handed them to Vicky. She poured a little in the first, lifted it to her lips, and downed the liquid in one sip before continuing to pour.

“Bottoms up,” she said and handed me a glass before taking another huge sip out of her own. I sensed she wasn’t as thrilled about being at the party as Tanya.

“Cheers,” I said back.

By five after eleven, there were more people in my apartment than was fire safety-approved. I guess, like Tanya and Vicky, most people didn’t want to be the first ones to show up.

The band played and people nodded and danced along—I don’t know if they were too busy drinking to notice how much Purge sucked or if they had no concept of what good music was. Scott screamed. Joe beat the drums as if he was trying to keep them from walking away from him. E-Rock jumped up and down more than he hit the right chords, and Charlie looked as if she was in her own world, swaying to the rhythm in her mind. I watched as she looked back at Joe and he gave her a thumbs up, reassuring her that she was great. I didn’t think so, but then again it’s not like I was a music connoisseur or a writer for Billboard magazine.

Either way, the band did their thing, people danced, drinking games were played, and my party was a success. Come Monday, it would be all anybody talked about.

I was right. My party was the most talked about event on campus, but not for the reasons I’d hoped.

Chapter 14

By the time Purge finished their first set Joe was on his fifth keg stand. Not that I was counting or anything. Okay, maybe I was, but I had a good reason. Joe wasn’t exactly known for his self-control. When it came to drinking, he didn’t know when to stop.

While I kept an eye on Joe, I couldn’t help noticing Scott and Ruthie in the corner. Then again it was kind of hard to miss them, considering they were practically stripping each other’s clothes off in my living room. The saying “get a room” couldn’t possibly have been any more relevant. I didn’t want to look. I’m sure nobody wanted to look, but it was like when you’re watching the monkeys at the zoo picking bugs off each other. It’s disgusting and you don’t want to look, but you can’t seem to turn away.

“Do you think he’s trying to lick her insides dry?” Zach said, his breath hot against my ear. I couldn’t stop the giggle that slipped out.

“I was debating if he was trying to crawl inside her mouth, or if he’s getting sucked in against his will.” I raised my eyes to his and caught the amusement tugging at his lips. He still had his sense of humor. Thank God for that. It was one of his best qualities.

“I bet he’d go willingly if he could bring his microphone with him.”

We shared in a moment of laughter before I asked, “So where’s Tanya?”

“Oh. Uh, bathroom. What exactly do you girls do in there anyway?”

I folded my arms across my chest. “Wouldn’t you like to know?”

“Yes, I would, hence the question.”

“If I told you I would have to kill you.” I said, trying not to laugh.

His eyebrow arched up, his scar rising with it. “Really? You couldn’t come up with something better than that?”

“Too cliche?”

“You think? You’re going stale on me.” He nudged me with his elbow. I tried to come up with something witty and sarcastic in response, but I was out of practice. Sarcasm went over Joe’s head, so I pretty much stayed away from it. Zach was right. I was stale. I couldn’t let him know that though, so I searched my brain for something relatively clever.

“What’d I miss?” Tanya bounced in between me and Zach and wrapped her arm securely around his waist, as if to tell me he was taken for the night. I didn’t need her to remind me. A quick glance to my left helped remind her that I too was taken. Her head turned back to Zach as she swayed in his arms. Obviously she had been hitting the vino, my vino, a little too hard.

“Nothing. Lizzi . . . uh, Liz was just helping me pass the time until you got back,” he said, tucking her curls behind her ear.

My heart all out stopped. That was . . . he only . . . that was our thing.

“Well I’m back,” she said cheerily.

“Really? I didn’t notice,” I mumbled.

Tanya took her head off Zach’s chest. “Excuse me, Liz? Did you say something?”

“I was just saying that I didn’t notice Joe waving me over. Excuse me. My boyfriend is waiting.” Before the words finished leaving my mouth, Tanya already had her over-glossed lips pressed to Zach’s cheek.

“Hey, what are you guys talking about?” I asked as I approached Joe and Charlie.

“Nothing. I mean, not nothing. Band stuff, you know. Like we always talk about. Not like we talk a lot. Anyways, you know what I mean.” Joe took another swig of his beer, even though from his lack of sentence structure it was obvious he had had enough.

“We were talking about how it might be beneficial to the band if we added a tambourine,” Charlie said, the diamond stud in her nose reflecting in the light.

“Yeah, babe, a tambourine. That would be awesome wouldn’t it?” Joe gave a good attempt at trying not to slur his words but was not successful.

I had two options. Agree, or tell them the truth. A tambourine did not fit in with the music they played. I wasn’t up for sitting there and listening to them try to persuade me that yes, a tambourine was exactly what Purge needed to take it to the next level.

They could add as many tambourines as they wanted, but it still wouldn’t hide the fact that they royally sucked.

“A tambourine would be awesome,” I said instead. If there was anything I’d learned in my short college career, it was that there was no arguing with a drunk. Because regardless of what you said and how wrong they were, you would get nowhere.

As my mom said, choose your battles.

“See. Liz knows what she’s talking about,” Joe said, wrapping his arm around my shoulder and putting a little more of his weight on me than I cared for.

“I have to take this new evidence to Scott,” Charlie said. “I’m going in. Wish me luck.” She turned, her fire- engine-red highlights spinning, before she bravely went where no man had gone before: to interrupt Scott while he made out with Ruthie.

“Good luck,” I said. She was going to need it.

“So?” Joe said, and I knew he was waiting for me to praise his drumming skills.

“You were amazing?” I said, more like a question than a statement.

“Yes!” He punched his fist in the air as if he’d just won the biggest contest of his life. “I love you, babe.”