have prepared me for what came next.
Chapter 16
Once I got inside, I threw my books on the counter and headed straight to the fridge. I was craving a bowl of cereal. Luckily, the milk still had a couple days before it expired. I grabbed the biggest bowl we had. I deserved it.
Vegging out was the perfect remedy for my crappy weekend. I switched the TV on, but the news seemed to be on every channel. I wasn’t used to being home so early, so I assumed it was normal.
As I changed channels, I replayed the weekend in my head. I thought about calling Josh, but hesitated. He was the one who had left without a goodbye.
After flipping through channels I found a rerun of
Breaking news never piqued my interest, simply because breaking news didn’t occur in my life or my town. It was probably another horrible terrorist attack in another country far away from me.
The bowl was cradled in my lap. One hand held the spoon, the other the remote. My finger was on the button, ready to change the channel, when the words in the bright red box caught my attention.
Shooting at Springfield University. 6 people confirmed dead. 17 injured. Story developing.
Cereal and milk spilled from my spoon. I blinked. Once. Twice. Three times. I must not have been reading it right. Springfield University was one of the best in the country. It’s the reason Josh had chosen it.
Josh.
I dropped the spoon in the bowl and reached for my cell. Thank God for speed dial. My hand shook and with each ring my stomach twisted in sickening fear.
“You got Josh. Leave it for me at the tone.” The phone slipped from my hand and splashed down in a pool of milk. Everything around me became a blur of sound and color. I was lost in the sound of blaring sirens coming from my television.
I drifted in and out of focus, teetering somewhere along consciousness. I tried to watch the television, but I couldn’t see past the building wall of tears. I tried to listen to what the reporter said, but my thoughts were too loud.
I don’t know how much time passed, but eventually there was a knock at my door. It was all so surreal. At first I didn’t even hear it, but whoever was there was determined to get in. I placed the bowl on the coffee table and opened the door in a zombie-like state.
“I just heard the news. I came straight here. Have you heard from him?” Zach’s hands rested on my shoulders. My eyes burned. My heart raced. I couldn’t move.
“Lizzie?”
His voice traveled through me, getting lost in the numbness of my mind.
“Lizzie! Snap out of it.” My eyes widened. My vision cleared.
“He’s not answering his phone,” I said.
“Jeez,” Zach said. “Come on, get inside. Have you called your parents yet?”
“I don’t know what to do.” My head snapped up. “What if he was shot? What if he’s dead?” The numbness passed as panic set in. Hot, salty tears streamed down my face. I couldn’t hold myself up anymore. My back fell against the wall and my body slumped to the floor.
Dead.
I didn’t want to think the possibility. I didn’t want to face it. The thoughts weighed heavy on my head until it fell forward into my arms. My body rocked back and forth uncontrollably, tears burned, the room spun, and I felt like I was falling.
“Zach . . . I can’t do this. I can’t do it alone. Don’t leave me.”
Warm, strong arms wrapped around me. His hand ran soft strokes down the back of my hair as he whispered in my ear, “I’m not going anywhere.” With all the energy I could muster I looked up at him. I had only seen him like this once before: on the day he sat with me for hours in the kitchen after my grandfather passed away.
Through blurry eyes I could see concern had overtaken his face. He didn’t know what to do any more than I did.
Everything that happened next was a blur, the actions melting through my mind like Dali’s clocks. Zach walked me back to the couch. He assured me everything was going to be okay, but I knew they were just words.
He pulled me close again, tucking my hair behind my ear before grabbing the cordless phone and disappearing into the kitchen.
I didn’t want to look at the TV, but at the same time my eyes were drawn to the chaos on the screen. Replays of officers surrounding the building, bodies wrapped in black bags being carried out on stretchers, yellow police tape, and people crying.
Everyone was crying.
The video shrank to a small box at the bottom of the screen and a reporter began to speak. “The shootings took place in the Kramer Science Building on the west side of the campus. It is believed the first shot occurred around one fifteen.”
I went to breathe in, but my breath got stuck in my throat. My teeth chattered. My nose twitched. My body became stiff. And the tears spilled out.
The science building.
No!
Josh had told me he had a science test. That’s why he left so early. Not because he wanted to avoid seeing me. He left because he had a test in the afternoon. With the party, he hadn’t had time to study. He was going back to his dorm to study for a few hours before he had to be in class for . . .
His science test.
I knew something was wrong. I could feel it in my core. I knew without a doubt that Josh was in the building when the shooter fired. Whether he was hit or not I wasn’t sure. But I knew he had been there.
My heart pounded against my chest. The sounds from the television disappeared. All I could hear were my thoughts. Every worst-case scenario ran through my head, the images stamping themselves deep into my mind.
“No, you don’t understand—this is an emergency.” Zach’s voice was the only thing breaking through my thoughts. He shouldn’t have been the one trying to reach my parents. I should have been calling them. Tracking them down.
They trusted me. This was my responsibility. If something happened to Josh, my family would crumble. Mom would never be the same. Dad would never be the same. I would never be the same.
I was never a religious person. I wasn’t raised going to church, but in that moment I needed something to hold on to. I needed hope. I needed a reason to believe miracles happened. I needed to believe my brother was not one of the seventeen injured, or worse, one of the six dead. Even if my gut told me otherwise.
“Yes, sir. Absolutely.” Zach’s voice entered my thoughts again. He sounded relieved. I could have gotten up. I could have walked into my bedroom to listen more closely to his conversation. Found out whom he was talking to. But I couldn’t move. My body was still numb. My legs felt like cinder blocks, holding me in place.
“She’s here. We’re at her place. No, she’ll be okay. Don’t worry about it. I’ll take care of it.” He continued to talk. “Yes, sir, absolutely. You’re welcome.” His voice faltered and I was left with nothing to hold on to.
I closed my eyes and tried to pull myself together. I owed it to my brother to be strong. He was always the strong one. I had always relied on him, but I needed to be a team player.
Zach knelt in front of me. “Liz.”
I tried to break through the numbness that consumed me. Tried to be strong, but I couldn’t speak.
