cheek.
We both moved at the same time. My arms circled around his neck, his spicy, warm scent surrounding me. His hands rested on my cheeks, his thumb wiping away the fallen tear. Goose bumps sprinkled my neck as his hand ran along my jaw line, before he pulled away. “What about Joe?”
“It’s over.” As the words rolled off my tongue, his arms wrapped around my waist and pulled me into him. In one quick motion, his lips captured mine.
It was everything I remembered and more. A year of loss and regret flowed through us. Desperation to make up for the time wasted surged through my fingers as I rediscovered the feel of his skin on mine.
We moved together until the back of my knees hit my bed, and with a yank I pulled him down beside me. I took his face in my hands and kissed him harder, trying to express all of my emotions at once.
My legs tangled with his, and then he rolled me under him. Dark eyes that I’d lost myself in so many times stared down at me. Passion burned hot and he brushed my hair out of my face, tucking it behind my ear. I closed my eyes and reveled in the warmth that spread through me.
The warmth turned into a raging fire as he kissed a trail down my neck. His hand eased under my shirt and sprawled out on my stomach, rising over my ribs until it cupped my breast. I arched into him, a low moan escaping my lips when his mouth claimed them again.
Cupping my jaw in one hand, he ran the other down my side, resting on the hem of my shirt. I held my arms up and inch by torturous inch he pushed the material of my shirt up my stomach, leaving kisses in its place.
My hands plunged into his silky dark hair, squeezing tight, afraid if I didn’t hold on to something I would float away.
I finally understood what people meant when they said “heaven on earth.” I was there. Nothing could ruin this perfect moment. Nothing.
The shirt came off, landing in a pile of cotton on the floor. Familiar hands spread across my sides, and there were more kisses, until his eyes met mine, lips hovering centimeters away, his breath hot and minty against my skin.
But then the passion turned to something more. Something I knew too well. And I should have welcomed it with open arms, but the pain that came with it prevented me from doing so.
His lips parted and before he could utter the words that would throw my world off its axis, I slid out from under him.
“What’s the matter?” he asked, confusion tugging at his features.
It would be easy to stay. To let him love me as I knew he could. But then what? He broke my heart so badly once before—I didn’t think I could go through that again. Allowing this to continue would be putting me on the edge of the fire and the idea of being scorched again scared the shit out of me.
“I . . . uh . . . I forgot I have somewhere I have to be.” I grabbed my shirt, and when his hand reached for mine, I jumped back, knocking into my desk chair.
“Are you okay?” he asked, standing, and I could see the bulge in his pants. Oh God. It wasn’t morning wood either.
I held my shirt in front of me trying to wrap it around my 34B’s.
“I’m fine. I just have somewhere I have to be.”
“Where?”
I wasn’t prepared for him to question me. I didn’t have an answer. All I knew was if I didn’t get out of there I would make a huge mistake. Repeating history—especially a horrible, depressing history—was not on my agenda today.
His eyes narrowed in on me, pinning me with his gaze until I couldn’t take it anymore. Finally I caved, and gave him the truth.
Tears streamed down my cheeks. “I’m sorry. I just can’t do this again. I just can’t.” I ran out of my room.
“Lizzie, I love you.” The words followed me like a bullet. As soon as I let them hit me, I’d be done for.
I spent so many nights waiting to hear those exact words. But now? Now it was too late. There was too much time in between.
I rushed out of my apartment, one arm in my sleeve, pants unbuttoned, hair a rumpled mess, tears streaming down my face. A crackhead jonesing for her next fix looked better than me.
I didn’t care. All I cared about was putting as much distance as I could between me and those eyes.
Zach loved me. I knew it. But what would happen when his love faded, and he stopped calling? I couldn’t do it again. Wouldn’t.
Loving him was the best thing that ever happened to me. Losing him was the worst.
A year of my life spent crying, spent going over every single detail of our last conversation and trying to figure out where it all went wrong.
Where did it go wrong? I still didn’t completely know. And how could we move forward when the past was still very much a part of us? Standing in our path, reminding me of the misery I endured?
For months I’d denied it, but as I pulled my shirt over my head and wiped the tears from my cheeks, I no longer could.
I’d never stopped loving him.
Chapter 24
I didn’t know where to go or what to do. I couldn’t go back to my place. I was lucky enough Zach didn’t chase after me. Sadie was out with Matt, and the last place I wanted to go was Trax. So I went back to the only place where I never felt alone.
I went home.
Living on my own with my best friend was amazing, but it lacked the comfort of the familiar. I needed to be surrounded by the walls and the things that were always there for me—silent, inanimate objects, witnesses to my life.
When I arrived home that evening, I found Josh in the living room watching TV, his leg propped up on a pillow, a half-eaten bowl of cereal on the table.
“Hey,” I said.
He lowered the volume. “What are you doing here?” When he looked at my face, his expression dropped. I didn’t need a mirror to know I looked like hell.
“Let’s just say you were right. Joe’s an ass, and you will never see him again.”
I didn’t want to go into detail. So I figured I would throw him a bone and when I was ready to talk, we could do it over a batch of cookies.
“Hate to say I told you so.”
“No you don’t. You’re loving every second of it.”
He shook his head. “No. I’m not. I don’t like to see you hurting.”
“I’ll get over it.”
“And what about Zach?”
Just hearing his name sent me into a rush of unexpected tears.
“Liz, come on. Don’t cry. Talk to me. What’s wrong?”
“I love him.”
“Then be with him.”
“It’s not that simple.”
Josh looked up at me, eyebrow cocked. “Why can’t it be?”
“What if . . .” A burn rose in my throat, and my words faltered.
Josh spoke for me. “What if he disappears again? Disappoints you?”
I couldn’t talk, so I nodded.
“I don’t know. I don’t have that answer. But what I do know is that it sucks to lose someone you love. But
