Running Back

this entire thing is based on ‘non-beads.’”

“You’re already started.”

He glared at me. “So he found them and decided that meant Ivernis existed. Great. You’re the one that found this location. You figured out where the river used to be and the likeliest place for a settlement. Why the hell aren’t you getting the credit?”

“Because. Jeremy’s my professor. Anyways, he’s been studying manuscripts and finding other sources that mentioned Ivernis.”

“I don’t get why you’re so loyal to him.”

Please. I looked down at my feet as they moved over long grasses. We paced as quickly as we spoke, a frantic energy surrounding our words and movements. Something was off with us. “What about your coach? Aren’t you loyal to him?”

“That’s different.”

“I don’t think it is.”

“It is, because I don’t spend so much one-on-one time with him. I don’t do things for him, like you secured the funding and the permission and the lodging. And I get paid a ton, while you do this out of personal emotions.”

“I’m loyal to Jeremy because—because—” I’d never tried to psycho-analyze my relationship with Jeremy. “He’s a great person. He’s brilliant, and intense, and sincere, and dedicated. And he has helped me so much.”

“He’s not interested in you. Oh, he finds it cute and flattering, but he’s not interested.”

I jerked to a stop, enlightenment finally descending. “You’re jealous.”

He wrenched around to face me. “Yeah, fine. I’m jealous.”

Wow. Wonder bloomed in my chest as I studied the simmering anger in Mike’s gaze and clenched jaw. “Mike, no, I don’t like him. I like you.”

“Except you think he’s brilliant and wonderful.”

“I think my best friend Cam is brilliant and wonderful, and I don’t want to date her either.”

I could see him trying to pull all his emotions away and bury them behind his mask of calm, the mask he usually covered with another of charm. I didn’t want that. I wanted Mike, raw and unfiltered, and I wanted to understand why he was upset. “Mike, I’m confused. What are you trying to get at?”

He studied me. “I guess I’m just interested if he’s the kind of guy you’d consider lifetime monogamy for?”

I scrunched up my forehead. “What?”

“You said you didn’t believe in love, but in lifetime monogamy with someone you’re compatible with. He seems like a good candidate. What do you think?”

“Why are you pushing this?”

“I just want to know.”

Irritated across all bounds, I answered honestly. “Sure, I could see that. We have similar interests and career goals and values. We’d probably always be interested in each other as human beings.”

“You’d rather be with some guy you’re well-matched for then someone you love.” Then he shook his head. “Sorry. You don’t believe in love.”

“I do believe in it. I just have a hard time with the forever part.”

“You are a piece of work, Natalie Sullivan.”

“Why am I a piece of work? Just because I have a different opinion than you?” I waved my hands. “How did we even get to this conversation?”

“If you love someone, you make it work.”

“You can’t just magically make something work. And how do you even know? Have you ever seen love work for decades? Because I haven’t!”

We stared at each other. My heart pounded and I felt awful and sick and horrible, but it was true. And I didn’t know why it should matter to both of us so much, this far off concept, this abstract emotion, but it was clear that it mattered to both of us, and desperately.

We turned away at the same time. I wondered if we’d broken something.

The inn was in sight. We walked up to our floor, silent, and turned away at our separate doors.

Chapter Seventeen

The next morning, I found Lauren and Anna poking at a half disintegrated brick of grain flakes with their spoons. Anna pointed hers at me. “Yo. World traveler. What the hell is this?”

I peered into their bowl at the soggy mess. “Um.”

Lauren forlornly settled her chin her hands. “I just wanted cereal.”

“Seriously.” Anna rocked her chair back on two feet. “They have Domino’s and McDonald’s here. Well, not here here, but in Cork. Why can’t they have Honey Nut Cheerios?”

Lauren took a very tentative bite, and swallowed exaggeratedly. “It’s like—either throat scrapingly dry or super mushy grain flakes.”

Do not make a Lucky Charms and Ireland joke. Do. Not. Do it.

Anna rolled her eyes. “They could at least have Lucky Charms.”

“That’s what I was thinking!” Lauren and I shouted at the same time.

Mike came in as we were laughing, and looked at us like we were crazy. I froze. He shook his head, picked up a banana and frowned at the grains, and then made to walk out.

“Hey.” Lauren’s voice stopped him. “I found us a tour to go on. It’s three nights—takes us up to the Ring of Kerry and the Cliffs of Moher and all that good stuff.” She glanced at me uncertainly. “I don’t know what your schedule looks like—if you could take Friday off we could wait until next weekend—”

“It’s okay,” I said quickly. “The dig’s just starting in earnest. I’ll need to be here.”

“Why don’t we go now?” Mike sounded almost emotionless. I searched his face, but he’d entirely closed himself off. At least he didn’t insult me by pulling on the charming mask. “That’d be better timing for me, since I have to go back to New York this weekend.”

It felt like he’d ripped my guts out of me. “Wait, what?”

“It’s the veterans’ minicamp.” His eyes caught mine and a slow flicker warmed his face. “Why, you going to miss me?”

Relief flooded the sudden hole in my stomach. He’d be back. “I...”

He finished the banana and tossed the peel in the trash. “Don’t have too much fun while I’m gone.” He headed out.

We all stared after him, then Anna glared at me accusingly. “You guys had a fight.”

“Um. Well. Just a...little...” If I kept spacing my words farther and farther apart, I’d never have to finish, right? An asymptotic sentence.

Lauren pressed the heel of her hand against her eye. “What’d he do?”

I felt my cheeks warming. “Did he say anything to you?”

“Only that he didn’t want to talk about it. And—um—” She glanced at her little sister.

“Jesus.” Anna rolled her eyes. “I promise not to faint at whatever scandalous news you have.”

“It’s none of your business.”

“Well, it’s none of your business either, but you still know.”

I raised a hand, curiosity beating out embarrassment. “It’s fine. What did he say?”

“Well.” Lauren still obviously didn’t want to say much. “It was sort of confusing. But maybe that you’re hung up on your professor.”

Anna’s brows shot up, just like her brother’s. “What, the old guy?”

“He’s not that old.”

Lauren’s eyes caught mine, and I made a face. “And no, I’m not, and that’s not what we argued about.”

Anna just scoffed. “It’s totally ridiculous anyway. But it’s probably good to make Mike worry a little. He’s way