The Weight of Souls

“It’s OK.” He released my wrist and immediately weaved his long fingers through mine. “You did great.”

There was a crossbar just in front of my pole and Justin carefully stepped across and stood in front of me.

Impulsively I released my hold on the pole and threw my arms around him. I could feel my heart thudding against his hollow chest, my cheeks wet against his cold throat.

“I thought I was going to die.”

“I know.” He ran his palms along my spine. Somehow, even up in the sky his touch calmed me.

I clenched my fists in his blazer and raised my head.

His face was right above mine. His lips were wet as if he’d just licked them and his eyes blazed with dark fire. Suddenly he bent his head and touched his mouth to mine. Gently at first, then hard, as if my kiss was the only thing he’d ever wanted.

I froze, surprise turning my lips into ice.

It wasn’t my first kiss. Years ago I’d had a moment with Pete, but it hadn’t felt like this. My limbs tingled and my blood sang in my ears.

Justin’s lips were soft and slightly chill. After an eternity his mouth opened. I breathed past his lips softly but no breath came back to twine with mine. My nose pressed into his cheek and I inhaled the fading scent that was all him.

There was a hint of roughness on his skin, it wasn’t yet stubble, but one day it would have been. I moved one hand to his face and breathed harder. Justin’s lips seemed to grow warmer as if his skin was absorbing my heat. He groaned into my mouth as I felt his fists on my back.

Then I wobbled.

Off-balance we broke apart and gripped the poles on either side of us, gasping as we remembered where we were.

My knees were shaking and I felt a hundred years old. I guessed exhaustion had caught up with me as adrenaline poured out and was replaced by… something else.

I let my hair blow over my face and looked at Justin through the curtain. I opened my mouth to ask if he was alright, or maybe if he’d meant the kiss, but the whole world tilted and my knees buckled.

As unconsciousness took me, I sensed my fingers relax on the metal brace and felt myself begin to fall. My last impression was Justin’s horror-struck face and my last thought: at least I wouldn’t know about it when I hit the Darkness.

27 FROM THE FIRST MOMENT

“Tay, you have to wake up. I don’t know how long I can hold you.”

I didn’t want to wake up. I was comfortable, my hands were relaxed at my sides, dangling in a cool breeze, and someone had their arms around me.

“Tay, can you hear me?”

“Go away,” I murmured.

“You really don’t want me to do that.”

“Justin?” I frowned and opened my eyes.

Then I remembered. I jerked and clutched at him, scrambling for a safe foothold as well.

“Y-you caught me.”

He nodded and helped me move until I could sit carefully on a plank.

“Wait a minute, you’re on the same pole I am.”

His brow furrowed. “I thought it was because you were unconscious.”

I pursed my lips. “I’m awake now.”

I was gripping a crossbar with white knuckles. He knocked on the metal, sending some rust flaking off into the breeze.

Then the blood drained from my face as I realised: there was only one explanation. “I died.”

“You didn’t.” Justin pressed his hand against my forehead. “You’re burning up and you’re completely crazy, but you aren’t dead.”

“It’s the only way you could possibly be doing this.” I knocked on the same bar and it shivered.

“I caught you, Tay. You really are alive. Why don’t you wave at Tamsin, see if she waves back?”

I nodded, grateful for his suggestion. “You’re right.” I scooted carefully to the edge of the platform and waved.

After a moment James and Tamsin both raised their hands. James gave me a fist pump and Harley waggled his phone. They could see me. I wasn’t dead.

Relief flooded me and I slumped onto the boards, inhaling brick dust and letting the splinters prick my cheek.

Then I rolled. Justin was watching me.

“You kissed me,” I said and even I could hear my accusatory tone. He flushed but didn’t move. I rose onto my knees. “I know you’re in love with Tamsin, I see the way you look at her.”

He cleared his throat. “Is now the best time for this conversation?”

There was a gap between two of the boards I was resting on. If I put my eye to it I could see straight down through all the floors to the leering Darkness. “It might be the only time,” I whispered.

“OK.” Justin touched my hand, gently. “Tamsin’s hot. Who wouldn’t look at her? And I can’t believe she’s with James already. But, I’m dead, so I might as well tell you the truth.” He exhaled slowly. “The thing is I fancied you from the first moment you bitched at me about being in your chair. But that whole first year you barely said a single word to me. You only knew I existed when I pissed you off. Wiped your name off the whiteboard, nicked your pencil case, stuff like that.”

I blinked at him. “You were trying to make me notice you?”

“Guess I had to die to do it.” He shrugged.

“The others started to harass me and Hannah because they were copying you.” My mind took me back over our fall from grace, the big fight I’d had with Pete after I wouldn't date him, the day he left me and Hannah to the dogs.

Justin winced. “When Tamsin showed an interest I gave up. If I could change things, I would. I didn’t know what was going on with you.”

I pressed my lips together. “No one did. If I hadn’t been so wrapped up...”

“It wasn’t your fault. The reason Tamsin hates you so much, it’s because she knew how much I liked you back then.”

I snorted. “Tamsin’s jealous of me?”

Justin spread his hands. “At least a little.” He picked at his nails. “We’re together because of the club, you know? In the confessional she said she was in love with me.” He peered at her distant figure with sadness greying his eyes.

I gnawed on my lip as the wind whistled around our platform, tired of our intrusion into its domain. “Do you think Tamsin was involved?”

“No chance.” Justin touched my hand. “Things weren’t that great recently, but we’ve meant too much to each other over the last couple of years.”

I rocked onto my knees. “I guess we’ll find out soon enough. Are you sure they’ll tell the truth if I ask?”

Justin nodded. “This game is crazy. Look at what we do. Look at what you’re doing. You don’t break the rules, you just don’t. Plus they’ve got something on you now. If you try and break the silence of the confessional, you’ll be in trouble too.”

“Not as much as them.” I had to shout to be heard over the wind and I realised that the platform was creaking ominously. “We have to get back down.” I pressed my palm against his, throat welling up; he’d liked me all this time. If I hadn’t been blind, we could have had years. Instead, I got one kiss.

“Do... do you want to kiss me again?” My voice was hoarse. Some part of me still waited for him to push me