says. I can see her shaking, not from fear, I don’t think, but from rage, the kind that has to be bottled up but threatens to shake you from the inside out.
I rise, unsteady, using a tree and Flannery’s shoulder for support. The others look at me as I clear my throat, trying to find enough warmth in my chest to make my words reach across the lake.
“Mora!” I shout.
The Fenris and Mora turn to me; I jolt at a dozen yellow, horrible eyes setting on me at once.
“No one will take everything from you. Never again,” I call across the ice.
The pack leader raises an eyebrow at me, as if I’m some sort of lunatic. For a moment, I think I might be; Mora just stares. There’s so much hate in her eyes, so much fury. She blinks, ducks her head down, and then seamlessly turns back into a human, the act pushing the pack leader’s hand off her head. He looks at her incredulously, raising an arm to strike her—
The ice cracks.
I look to Kai; he understands. He dashes forward, brushing by Ella as they run for the shore. The Fenris look around, confused, as the ice reverberates beneath them. It grows louder, louder, louder, until it sounds like a train in the distance coming ever closer. The pack leader looks down, watching as the ice beneath his feet begins to crumble—
“Get off the ice!” he shouts to the pack.
It’s too late.
They crash through the ice with a screeching, screaming sound. Jaws and teeth slide into the water as the ice gives way. Mora is the last to fall; she doesn’t flail, doesn’t try to catch herself. It’s over in an instant, blonde hair sliding out of sight.
My eyes move to Kai and Ella; they’re almost here, but the ice is being swallowed up behind them. Ella is slower on two feet than Kai is on four; Kai glances over his shoulder and realizes this. He turns back, grabs hold of Ella’s coat, and charges forward. The ice is moving faster; the whole lake is caving in on itself; they just need to make it to the shallows and we can get them. Water licks at Kai’s heels—
He leaps away from the deep water, into the shallows just as the water catches him. They slide onto the remaining solid ice—Lucas runs down and pulls Ella out. Kai bounds to the shore, shaking, looking less like a thing to fear and more like a thing to pity. He collapses onto the ground; I crawl over to him, not caring about the added cold when water from his fur soaks against my chest.
Beneath me, Kai shifts. I let go, watching as he curls first into a ball and then begins to change. His limbs elongate; the fur fades away and becomes skin; there’s a cracking sound, and he groans as his spine straightens. As he becomes the boy instead of the wolf. I reach forward and grab hold of his hand as the claws draw in, becoming fingernails. His skin is still cold, his face still pale blue, and he’s naked, trembling.
I grab hold of his shoulders, bring my lips to his; he reaches up in response, tangles his fingers in my wet hair, pulls me closer. I finally pull away from his lips, but not his face, leaving my eyes on his, my cheeks close enough that I can feel him breathing.
“You know I love you, right?” he says hoarsely, and I nod against him.
“So that’s him?” Flannery asks. I turn my head, see her propped up on her good shoulder. “I dunno, Ginny,” she says, surveying Kai. “For all the trouble, I expected him to be taller.”
CHAPTER THIRTY-SIX
They assure me the water in the bathtub is barely warm, but it feels scalding for the first few moments after I get in, clothes and all. Kai sits beside me on the tile floor, staring at his hands, while the others sit in the main room, bundled up in blankets and towels, Ella cradled against Lucas’s chest. The Travellers refuse to go to the hospital, despite the fact that both Flannery and Callum probably need stitches.
“They’ll give me a number,” Callum says, folding his arms. “I don’t want to be a number.”
“That’s not how it works,” Lucas says. “You’ll just get checked out and stitched up. I’ll pay.”
“You think we need your charity?” Flannery says, her unblackened eye widening.
“That’s not what he said—” Ella argues.
“Who are they again?” Kai whispers to me, the question sincere. He’s sitting outside the bathtub, as close to me as he can get without being in the water. He’s barely met my eyes since returning to the hotel.
“It’s complicated. I’ll explain some other time,” I say, reaching forward to add the smallest bit of hot water. My lungs still ache, and as feeling returns to my limbs, I become more and more aware of just how many cuts and bruises I got. I wince, reach down, and tug my socks off, tossing them over the edge of the bathtub alongside my coat.
“I have a question,” I say slowly as I slide deeper into the water. Kai nods but still doesn’t look at me. “There was a boy in the back of Grandma Dalia’s cookbook. A boy that Mora took from her, the same way she took you. We shot him in Nashville—he died. Do you know what his name was?”
“Red hair?” Kai asks, voice grim but a little louder—he has to be, to overpower the sound of the Travellers and Lucas arguing over health care. I nod. “His name was Michael,” Kai says as he pulls one knee to his chest, half hugging it. “He was nice. We were… we were brothers. Sort of. When I changed for the first time I was so happy. I was finally perfect; I was one of her guards. I wanted to be with her. I wanted to be everything for her… I loved her,” he says, shaking his head as if he doesn’t understand. His eyes find mine and I see him freeze, as if he realizes what he’s said aloud.
I look at him for a moment, inhaling slowly. “It’s all right,” I say, and it surprises me to realize
“It’s not all right for me,” he says numbly, and I can’t think of a response. Perhaps because I know it’ll take more than kind words to stop that spinning feeling of wrongness, of hurt.
I watch him for a moment, then rise, creating waves in the bathtub. The others look over from the main room; Flannery reaches into her bag and pulls out a hotel robe I assume she was stealing, tossing it to me. I duck behind the shower curtain, drop my soaked clothes on the floor, and tie the robe tight.
“Can you feel everything?” Ella asks, looking at me doubtfully. I sit at the top of the bed, tuck my feet into the blankets.
“I’ll be fine,” I say, reaching over and squeezing her hand. “Thanks for coming.”
“Don’t think we aren’t going to fight about you sneaking out on the drive back,” she jokes.
“You’re going back with them?” Flannery asks, alarmed.
“What? I don’t… I don’t know. Can’t I figure that out when I don’t have hypothermia?”
“Yeah, sure, if that’s what you want,” Flannery says quickly. “It’s just, whatever you’re driving—and no offense to you, Ella—it isn’t as great as Wallace.”
“It’s a private plane,” Ella says, confused about what “Wallace” is.
“My point exactly,” Flannery answers. Callum laughs under his breath, though, and the sound seems to divert the scowl forming on Flannery’s face. She grins at him. “Anyway,” Flannery continues, looking to Kai, “you’re awfully quiet for the man of the hour.”
Kai has hardly moved. He’s sitting in the bathroom doorway, as if he doesn’t want to really be in the same room as the rest of us. “Sorry. I just don’t…” he begins, then stops, as if he planned to say more but can’t work out what. He exhales, rises, and walks out of the hotel room, head slung low. Flannery raises her eyebrows toward me; I hurry from the bed and go after him, letting the room door slam accidentally.
“Kai,” I call out softly, expecting him to be halfway down the hall. I’m surprised when I realize he’s just beside the door, sitting with his back against the wall. The wallpaper is covered in a pattern featuring elk and plants, and the hallway smells like old coffee. I sink down to the floor beside him.
“I don’t know what happened,” he says quietly, voice broken. “I don’t know what to do now.”
