Earthbound

“I thought I might be in love with him; I did. I thought that desperate feeling of obsession was love. And maybe it’s a kind of love. But it isn’t the kind I like.” I pull back and look at him. “Rebecca will always be there inside me. And there are—others—who may come out in time. But I won’t let them choose my life.” I lean my head back so I can see Benson’s face, so I can look him in the eye. “I don’t want him, Benson. I want you. I don’t love him.” I take a deep breath. “I love you.”

The moment stretches and everything is still. Benson’s eyes stare into me, searching for truth. Maybe searching for lies.

But there are none. The feelings I have for Quinn will always be there—I understand that now, and I can’t purge an entire part of me, especially one as big as my past lives—but if there’s one thing I’ve learned from my long recovery, it’s to live every day like it’s my last.

And if today is my last day, I want to spend it with Benson.

He looks shocked, so I reach for the back of his neck and bring his lips down to mine. Benson comes to life, his arms twisting around me, holding me close. Pained groans sound against my mouth, but he doesn’t release me; his kiss is hard, as though branding me his in a way words alone cannot.

His fingers stroke close to my scar and then across it. I freeze, waiting for him to … I’m not even sure. Pull away? Push against it? At the very least, ask questions. But his cheek rubs across my forehead and his hands continue their gentle exploration as though he didn’t notice. He slides his fingers to each side of my face, warming my clammy skin.

“Tave,” he whispers, his lips feather light.

“What?” I whisper back, my fingers finding a sensitive curve of his neck and making him shiver.

He bends his head so his mouth is right by my ear. “Run away with me.”

“What do you mean?”

“Let’s go underground,” he says, gripping my hand in tight fists. One of the cuts on his right knuckle cracks open and oozes a tiny droplet of blood. “These people chasing you—Reduciata, Curatoria, whoever—if you stay here, they’re going to find you. And when they do, they are going to kill you.” He looks down and shifts back and forth a few times. “I was going to suggest you take the money and leave on your own to find whoever Quinn is now, but if—if you really want me—”

“I do, Benson,” I interrupt, not willing to let him have the slightest moment’s doubt about that.

“Then—then I’ll come too. But we have to be fast and thorough. These people, they’ve found us again and again and I can’t let them hurt you. Not now. We have to go seriously underground, Tave. It’s going to be hard core. Leave my phone, ditch the car, change our identities, everything.” The fear in his eyes terrifies the glee out of me.

“What about your family?” I ask. “This isn’t like when you left Portsmouth with me. If we run tonight, I don’t know if there’s any coming back. Ever.”

“There’s not,” he says, determined.

“You’ve already made your decision.”

“I decided yesterday—with or without you, I’m going to run. I’m hip deep in all this stuff already. If we both went to ground in different directions, we’d probably be safer.” He sighs and bunches his fists on his hips. “But to tell the truth, I’m willing to risk just about anything to be with you.”

“I have no family anymore, Benson. But I can’t pretend it’s the same for you. You might never be able to see your mom and brother again.”

He looks down, his emotions burning in his eyes. “I can’t—I can’t live my life for them anymore. Some bonds are stronger than blood; you’re my family now.”

The same words that filled my own thoughts just yesterday. It’s the final confirmation I need.

Me and Benson.

Benson and me.

We’ll take on the world and win.

Benson squeezes my hand. “We should go. Now.”

I nod, feeling sudden confidence in our plan. “How should we leave?” I ask. “I mean, since we have to ditch the car?” The stolen car. Maybe the cops will find it and give it back to whoever it belongs to.

“Greyhound?” Benson suggests. “It’s not luxurious or anything, but it’ll get us far enough away to consider our options. We can park a few blocks from the nearest station and leave the Honda behind. You pick the city,” he says, stepping forward, his face close to mine. “Anywhere you want to go.”

“As long as we’re together, it doesn’t matter.”

He kisses my forehead, then pulls his phone out of his pocket, looking even more like the Superman I’ve always thought of him as. “I’ll look up a bus station and then ditch this in a Dumpster.”

“You got that from a movie.”

He laughs. “Maybe, but the good guys always win in the movies, right?”

I start to turn to get into the car, but Benson holds onto my hands. “When we get on the bus,” he says hesitantly, “we need to talk. Really … talk.”

“Absolutely,” I say, but my heart speeds a little at the look on his face.

“I think we should talk now.”

We both spin at the intruding voice only to see what still appears to be an empty clearing. Then, in a circle around us, we hear the unmistakable click of guns being cocked. I cling to Benson, my eyes scanning the trees. Just as I’m sure no one is going to appear before they shoot us, Jay steps out from behind a tree.

CHAPTER THIRTY-FIVE

“Let’s all stay calm,” Jay says in a soft, even tone that makes me want to reach out and smack him. My mind spins with defensive plans.

More cast iron, insta-shotguns, bulletproof glass … assuming I could make something that high tech, which I’m suddenly not convinced is within my capabilities.

But Benson is here.

I won’t risk him.

Can’t risk him.

This is the problem with love.

“Peace offering,” Jay says, drawing my attention back. He’s holding up what I vaguely recognize as several of the organic, all-natural protein bars that Reese keeps around the house.

A weird nostalgia hits me. That will never be my life again.

“No one’s here to kill you, Tave,” Jay says, as though reading my mind. “All of this—” His hand takes in the unseen guns surrounding us, hidden from sight by the broad-leafed trees. “Just a precaution. After what you did to Elizabeth and me, I think it’s understandable.”

He edges forward like he’s approaching a skittish colt. Despite what he just said, he doesn’t seem afraid of me; he looks like he’s worried I’m afraid of him.

Which I am. Terrified. But I don’t want him to know.

The sun is shining down into the middle of the clearing with a vengeance that defies the bitter cold of the last few days, but despite that, my veins are ice water.

“I know you need to eat,” Jay says, still holding out the bars. “I’m not sure what you’ve been doing, but I’ve seen enough Earthbounds on the run to recognize that look; you’re about five minutes away from fainting.”

Even though every nerve in my body is poised to bolt, I force myself to meet his eyes and then take two slow steps forward and snatch the protein bars, immediately retreating back to Benson as soon as the food is in my hand. I rip open the wrapper and take a bite, keeping my eyes on Jay the whole time.

To tell the truth, he looks awful. Those circles under his eyes—they speak of more than sleep deprivation. And his skin has a weird quality to it—like it grew a size too big and is now hanging off him. Melting, almost. “Are you all right, Jay?” I ask through a half-chewed protein bar.

Jay doesn’t answer, just makes a small motion, and Reese and Elizabeth step out from the brush and join