likes to be far from his work. He lives in the labs. And so will Pell.”
TWENTY-SIX
Leto needed Nynn’s kindness. Wanted it. Knew his sanity depended on it.
Yet they sat side by side on the bed in his room, not touching. He hadn’t moved since their return, when they’d cleaned and changed clothes. He couldn’t move now. His heart had been carved out with a machete. It no longer beat. It no longer had reason to.
“You held your niece,” she whispered. “You told me so.”
His throat ached. He wanted to claw at it until the collar fell away or his head popped off. Death for a Dragon King. He deserved it after trusting such twisted men. He’d believed their promises, dispatched dozens at their command, and brought damned and innocents alike into the fold—training them, yes, but feeding them the same brainwashed lies.
Only Nynn had ever gotten it right. He was the fool.
His fists looked so powerful resting on his thighs, but he didn’t feel powerful. “Do you trust any of your memories right now?”
She stroked his bare shoulder, soft but not tentative. Her hair smelled of snow. She’d answered that mystery for him: a name for that scent of sharp, crisp air. “You’re right. I don’t trust much of anything, except that I’m here with you.”
“And that makes it better?”
Nynn’s flinch meant he’d gone too far. As her trainer, he would’ve gloried in drawing forth an unchecked show of fear. It would’ve been proof of his intimidation.
He dropped his head into his hands and scraped the back of his skull. She crawled behind him on the bed. After stripping her shirt, she draped across his back and held him around the chest.
“You couldn’t have known.” Her breath stirred him more gently than the precious weight of her lithe torso, but no less intensely. “Whatever they’ve done, they did it
“They’ve let us stay here together. Another prize, I suppose.” She tightened her hands around two fistfuls of his flesh. He closed his eyes and leaned his head back. “The things I want aren’t mine to keep. That’s what it is to be a slave.”
Nynn licked the top of his spine. She’d never be able to lick all the way up, reaching his hairline, because the collar barred the way. A barrier he’d worn—suffered under—since his earliest memories. He’d wanted glory and respect. Now he wanted to kiss Nynn’s bare neck and he wanted to see the snow, even if the glare blinded him for days.
And his family. His fear outweighed his hopes now. What had been fighting for their future was now a matter of staying strong just to save them.
“You don’t feel like a slave.” She tensed her fingers again. Dug into skin and muscle. Pressed her breasts more firmly against his back. “You don’t think like a slave. Not anymore.”
Nynn’s ministrations tempted him to dive into her embrace, join with her body, lose his thoughts in a burst of release. He couldn’t. Not yet.
“I held her,” he said quietly. “She was so small that she fit in my two palms. I thought I would drop her until Yeta showed me the right way to hold her. Black hair. Beautiful golden skin. Her face was peaceful when she slept, then tight like a wrinkled ball when she woke and cried. I watched my sister rock her. I watched Dalnis duck away, overcome by even more emotion than I felt.” He shuddered an exhale. “I’d been so proud, Nynn. I’d fought for a decade so that they could hold a child.”
“And her name?”
“Shoshan. Shoshan of Garnis.” He rocked up to stand. Nynn still knelt on the bed, bare from the waist up. The solace she offered was so compelling. “Was she even real? And if she was . . . If I fought so that Dr. Aster could help Yeta conceive . . . Then why were you able to give birth to Jack? A natural-born Dragon King. What have I been fighting for?”
She stood with innate grace. Kind but insistent hands—hands lined with callouses that matched his own— pulled his gaze down from the ceiling. It was either stare at the ceiling or at the perfect swell of her breasts. He was a hungry, greedy man. Had he freed his angered beast, he would’ve turned her over the bed and fucked her. Again. Like they’d done before.
He was not the beast the Asters expected. He was a man who wanted this woman, her sighs and compassionate touches and respect. All of her. A good thing, because Nynn wouldn’t let him look away. When he found that familiar mix of stubbornness, smarts, and a glimmer of humor in her eyes, Leto didn’t want to.
“You’ve been fighting for your own version of survival. You’ve been fighting because you thought you were doing what was right for your family.”
“Now Pell will live under Dr. Aster’s so-called care.” The bile that rose into his mouth held the taste of poison. “She could’ve been safe with Yeta. I thought . . . Dragon damn, I thought I could give her something better.”
“You can still. We can for both of our families.”
“More hopes.”
She brought him down to meet her. A kiss of compromise. Slight, sweet, and vivid enough to shine light into the dark places he’d kept hidden. “Hopes
“How is that better?”
“They can’t enslave our thoughts.”
He pulled her into his arms and held on. They had little else but the shared comfort of two bodies and two minds shying away from pain.
“Thank you.” Her soft words brushed moist heat along the thin skin of his collarbone.
Confused, Leto pulled back enough to see her expression. “For what?”
“I wear a dragon on my back instead of a serpent. That was because of you. I was smug and satisfied when the Asters whipped you for that. I thought you got what you deserved. Thought you’d been jealous of . . . Fuck. That you’d made the choice out of some warped pettiness. Instead, you did it to save me.”
Leto was surprised to find himself smiling. Slight. Chagrined. But it was still a smile. “You said you had a serpent inside you. You didn’t need another one.” He frowned. “You also said, ‘Burn it down.’ Do you remember that?”
She began to tremble. Her voice was a chatter of teeth and sloppy consonants. “Can we . . . ?”
“And what you said about your mother?”
“I don’t want to. Leto, please. It’s fire in my mind. Too much.”
“For now. Too much.” With his arms closed around her, he kissed the top of her head. “I want you again. I think I’ve wanted you from the start.”
A shaky sob rattled from her chest into his. “After seeing me naked, how could you not?”
“Would it upset you to hear that I’ve used that technique with every neophyte?”
“Did every neophyte turn you on?”
“No. They whined or begged or cried, so that I wanted to make it worse for them. Keep my pity at bay. You pushed back. Naked. Defenseless. You made me feel like I was the one being tested.”
“Your secret’s safe with me,” she said with a trace of laughter. “Because I didn’t see anything close to that.”
Another kiss. Arms tighter. “But here. Tonight. Nynn, not like last time.”
He didn’t have the words to ask for more. Didn’t know how to match emotion with language.
She pulled him down for another kiss. Her naked chest brushed his as she balanced on tiptoes. Such a beautiful miracle of touch. “Have we fought enough, Leto? Tell me we have—at least each other. Tell me that my warrior wants caring, because that’s what I want to give.”
