Getting her paws under her became the next challenge, but her front right leg ached, a pain that seemed worse when she put weight on it. She hated the sad, pained whimper that slipped free, but she wasn’t too proud to huddle closer to Julio as she tried to find the power to shift.
He picked her up and rose. “We’ll get you back to bed, and you can settle down.”
It was disorienting, being carried as a coyote. Sera trembled with the effort not to move, not to let a moment of panic end with her claws raking across his bare chest. He set her on the bed, and some of her tension eased when he sat next to her. Closing her eyes, she curled around him and let the steely strength of an alpha shifter work its quiet magic on her nerves.
She barely noticed when the change finally washed over her, a wave of magic that usually brought heat in its wake. Now her skin prickled. Melted. Reformed with her cheek pressed against the pillow and her aching right arm held protectively to her chest.
Julio hummed and whispered her name. “Sera? Sweetheart?”
Tears burned her eyes. Shame, humiliation. Frustration with herself for still being weak.
Pathetic and needy, like a good little submissive who was scared of fake monsters in the dark.
“I’m okay.”
“Don’t,” he murmured. “With anyone else, okay, but not with me. Please.”
Breathing around the lump in her throat hurt. The pressure kept building, a sharp pain in her chest that would only be relieved by tears or words. Her choice, and it was terrifying to swallow the tears and try words. They came slowly, halting at first, because she didn’t know how to start. “My mom used to make me hide. In the closet or under the bed. Under the bathroom sink, I think…”
“Fuck.” He draped a sheet over her and gathered her in his arms. “Come here.”
He was warm and strong, and he smelled like safety. “I don’t remember much of it because I was young. Something had happened—” The words got stuck in her throat, and she had to take a steadying breath. “Do you know why the cougars and coyotes hide?”
His eyes were dark with sympathy. “I imagine because things get pretty fucking ugly when your species is dying out.”
“I don’t even know if it’s their fault,” she whispered. “I mean, the human part of me says it’s terrible. You don’t stalk a mate and take them against their will. But we’re not like the wolves.
None of us were born human and turned. We’re all trapped by instinct, and fighting it makes us crazier.”
“I don’t think that’s true,” he argued. “I was born this way and I’m not trapped or crazy.”
“The wolves aren’t dying out,” she countered. “It’s not just one bastard, Julio. A coyote raped my aunt when my mom was a kid, and my grandfather died challenging him over it. And my aunt had a daughter, and when she was seventeen, a coyote found
She was breathing too fast, and she couldn’t stop the words, like lancing the darkest festering place in her heart. “They all died. My cousin, and my aunt, trying to protect her. And my mother —my mother—”
“Shh.” He tucked her face against his chest and rocked her gently. “I’m sorry, Sera. Sorry like hell.”
It helped, if only because she’d never said the words out loud before. As hard as it was to give them voice, the oppressive silence had been worse. She’d lived for years in complicit understanding with her father, never bringing up the events that had torn their family apart.
Never telling anyone else, because seeing horror in their eyes would make it
Julio didn’t react with horror. He didn’t drown her in pity. He held her and rocked her until the tightness in her chest eased enough to let her continue. “My mother never forgave my father.
He was off being a mercenary, and she thought he should have been at home, protecting his family. But it wouldn’t have helped. They lived in Missouri, not New Orleans. Even if he’d been with us, he wouldn’t have been able to save them.”
“What about you?” he asked gently. “What do you think?”
She laughed, part pain, part helplessness. “I don’t know. I think my parents tried really hard, even when life was shitty. My mom was losing her mind, and she knew it. She was scared of hurting me, so she brought me to Mahalia, and Mahalia found that place for her to be safe.”
His fingers trailed through her hair. “Then it sounds like she did the best she could for you.
That’s all anyone can ask, right?”
It had taken Sera a lot more time to come to that same conclusion. “I’m not a kid who’s pissed at her parents. I grew up fast. I guess I was in a hurry to repeat their mistakes.”
“Trapped by instinct,” he whispered. “That’s what you meant. Josh.”
Wrapped in his arms, tucked against his chest, the last thing she wanted to talk about was Josh. But the words hung between them, and she had to find something to say. “Do you know why he hit me?”
His hands tightened with a protectiveness that thrilled her, though he relaxed them immediately. “Why?”
“I let everyone think it was because I tried to leave. Because I wanted to see my dad.” She caught his hand and tangled her fingers with his. “But it would have happened anyway, because he found my birth control. And that’s the only unforgivable thing a female coyote can do.”
He sighed, heavy and harsh. “That bastard had no right to do that to you.”
It almost made her smile. “I know. I may be a submissive, but I’m still my father’s daughter.
And that’s why he hated me the most. He never had the power, because he had to keep me happy. One call to my ex-mercenary dad and his scary fucking friends, and I would have been a widow.”
Julio touched her cheekbone, the one that had been bruised along with her eye when she’d run to New Orleans in the first place, and her heart stuttered, knowing he remembered so clearly. “Does your dad know yet? That Josh hurt you?”
Sera winced. “It came up while Lily was helping me get divorced, but your sister convinced him that crippling himself to get revenge for a black eye was going to hurt me a lot more than letting it go. I’m pretty sure the only reason he didn’t pitch a fit when I moved in with Kat was that your brother was around all the time.”
“Are you kidding? You’re one of Miguel’s favorite people.”
“Yeah?” It made her smile as she turned to rub her cheek against Julio’s shoulder. “You’re dangerous, with your cuddling and your alpha power and your petting. I just unloaded on you.”
Julio waved it away. “If you’re keeping score, I guess that makes us even.”
The bare skin under her cheek should have felt sexual. But his grip was warmth and tenderness, as if he knew how to leash the burning awareness between them when she needed shapeshifter comfort more than a man’s touch.
Only fair, she supposed, when she’d done the same to him. “Julio?”
“Hmm?”
She wanted to hold her breath. “Can I sleep with you tonight?”
He only smiled. “Here, or in my room?”
“Your room.” He’d only spent two nights there, but his scent would be everywhere. “But I need some clothes first.”
He nodded as he rose. “I’ll wait. Take your time.”
It didn’t take long to find underwear and an untangled top. She pulled on shorts too, plaid boxers that had been washed until the pattern faded, and they were soft and comfortable. Her next stop was the bathroom to splash water on her cheeks and try to twist her hair back into a braid.
When she crept to Julio’s room, she found him sitting on the edge of the bed, turning a CD over in his hands. “Music?”
“Sure.” It was naive to pretend that comfort wouldn’t give way to tension again. By morning she’d be curled around him, half-crazed with the need to kiss him until she drowned in him. But right now…
She didn’t want to sleep alone.
He gestured to the bed. “Do you have a side? I usually sleep in the middle until someone shoves me over.”
Sera slipped onto the opposite side of the mattress. “I can sleep anywhere. My right arm’s a little sore, though. I hit my shoulder pretty hard when I rolled off the bed.”
