Ancient, Ancient

“and if she no know blood green?”

“she should look it up in the book.”

“malkai, book old… and elders use rules old still. book not always know. if parents not say blood green, it not be record. today it not simple so.”

malkai look at me & shake he head. he arms no circle so wild, but they move more still.

“malkai, you make like it all fault ralinwa, but what you say to indrasha or norkori or lorsenkipe? they assignments not have blood green. problem not is blood. is world new. different all is. we must see…”

i no take more. i no use words more. i no want speak of me people with words. i feeling me muscles move & me shoulder go up & bring flick arm. malkai first stand with no noise. then he turn & walk away. but i no see him leave. i letting me back arch into me familiar talk. i circle me foot on floor, then let me body dip into only talking i trust.

WaLiLa climbed into George’s jeep.

“I bet you didn’t think I’d call,” George said, kissing her quickly on the cheek.

“I not thinking you call day next,” WaLiLa teased. “Where you go me?”

“To dinner,” George said and grinned.

As George drove WaLiLa down the highway, the lights of the city disappeared. She felt the night had swallowed her whole. Night was usually a source of comfort for WaLiLa, but tonight it was full of uncertainty. MalKai did not like to think about it, but something powerful had destroyed RaLinWa… & hurt InDraSha, NorKoRi, & LorSenKiPe. MalKai did not like to think of RaLinWa’s twisted body shrouded in the grey strands of salve. Did not like to think of the elders’ futile attempts to restore the luster to InDraSha’s skin, NorKoRi’s eyes, & LorSenKiPe’s smile. But WaLiLa thought about it constantly. She often saw RaLinWa’s bony finger, frozen in its feeble attempt to lift in conversation. All the wounded had now was words. Even though they had returned home, InDraSha, NorKoRi, & LorSenKiPe couldn’t practice the body speak. They had no energy to raise their shoulders in greeting. They could not muster the strength to throw an arm flick with attitude. They lay weak & shriveled, deteriorating because of the poisonous nectar they took in from non-believers. i could be just like them after George, WaLiLa thought as she & George were driving deeper & deeper down night’s throat, further & further away from the lights of the city.

When George finally turned off the road into a driveway, WaLiLa was weak with apprehension. She slid out of her seat and looked at the huge house rising in front of her.

“Here dinner?” she asked.

“Yeah, I cooked,” George said with a wink.

WaLiLa felt a soft touch at her back. She turned & noticed a brown flutter flitting through the air. Instead of following George into the house, she followed the brown flutter around the side of the house. It flew onto the back porch where it landed on a white wall. WaLiLa crept onto the porch and stared at it intensely.

George opened the back door and stepped out onto the porch. He opened his mouth to ask WaLiLa what she was doing outside when he noticed her staring at a furry moth on the wall. The moth held no fascination for him; his eyes were drawn to WaLiLa’s face. She & the moth shared an unspoken kinship. Their brown bodies flitted as the moth escaped & WaLiLa shifted away from George’s stare.

WaLiLa followed the moth into the house where it settled onto a multicolored tapestry that was thrown over the back of a sofa. She knew the moth was the signal that the elders wanted her to strike. Sadness washed over her. George felt her sadness & responded as though she had spoken.

“I know how you feel,” he slowly uttered, reaching out as though to touch WaLiLa’s back. “It…it is so beautiful, that you want to touch it.” Then he drew his hand back as if to stop it from acting on its own, “but you are scared that if you do, it will fly away.”

i lay in circle on floor george. videos of music from france, canada, & haiti he show me before mix in me mind. i try not think on home. i know elders not like. ayy, lila, they say moving their shoulders rapidly in unison, you always do it the hard way. why tempt your emotions? you always have to be in control don’t you? why don’t you just complete your assignment & leave? when you are done working the field, you will find your love here, at home. i go sleep with remembering voice george…

“can i hold you?”

i remember how jump me heart. i no answer, but i go close to him & lay in he body shape. i watch video. he watch me. time whole i thinking: do you believe? do you believe? me eyeskin tight slide on me eyeballs when feeling lips on me cheek, me neck. it almost too hard make stop george, but i keep control. i push he face off, but stay in he arm circle. he fingers on me face, me waist, me hips. yes. i like. he sleep, me head in he lap. i calling him. he no hear me. i sit up, he wake up. he no sleep until…until…until i put me head back in he lap.

moth the elders send fly in room all night. i not see signal. i too busy feeling.

WaLiLa watched George walk back over to where she was sitting & couldn’t help but think “what if?” what if i don’t have to go back? what if i could stay with my assignments? Her work in the field never allowed her to go past these first tender moments. She was an expert at the chase. Knew the rushing sensations of the first dates well, but what happened then? What did two months feel like? Three, four? The elders kept promising she would know the feeling when she got home, after the fieldwork. But what if they never took her off fieldwork? Some of the best were still in the field on extended assignments. WaLiLa knew the same thing could happen to her. George broke into her thoughts asking,

“Do you realize we’ve seen each other every day this week?”

WaLiLa shook her head, yes.

“Do you realize how much I like you?”

Silence.

“I know, I know. I have to stop thinking like this, but I need to know how you feel about me.”

“It no matter how I feel. I no stay with you. I leave soon.”

“You will leave with Patrice & the other Americans?”

“I no same like Patrice & the other Americans.”

“What do you mean?”

“Nothing.”

“Just tell me how you feel about me.”

She kept silent. It always came to this. A demand, a need to know that the tenderness in the air was reciprocal. Still, she would not speak. She preferred to focus on enjoying the tingly feelings. She couldn’t expose the real pleasure she felt in spending time with her assignments. Not to them. Not to the elders. Not even to herself.

He brought her home in silence. When they reached her house, WaLiLa stepped out of the jeep slowly & waved goodnight.

“WaLiLa!” Her name sounded like it was ripped from his throat. “Would you…could you come over tonight?”

i run in house & get clothes & things. i no want contact elders, but i not can complete assignment with not talk with them. i get on knees & pull me hunterself out to get on knees too. me shoulder raise. i start with arm flick. the circle of life is beginning to strain. i curve me elbows & i make circle with me arms. they who do not believe in you, my elders, are winning. i push me arms tight to me side. i know you feel i am willful and disobedient. i chop down with final move. but i am afraid. i move arms quick in air around me body. the non- believers hope to exist and progress without feeding their predecessors. i brush me fingers from me belly to the floor. this desire is powerful, so powerful it seeps into the nectar and destroys the cycle. i bend back from me waist & lift me chest up to sky. this you know, but you don’t know how it feels to look into the eyes of the non-believers. i raise me arms & shake me fingers hard. they can kill. i move me arms in angle to behind me. my