Heating up the Holidays

wasn’t the same for him, she knew that. What she didn’t know was if she could do it to him-

“You’ve changed your mind, it’s okay-”

“No.” God, no. Her insides were trembling, making her fingers far too unsteady for her taste, and she uncharacteristically closed her eyes as she touched his jaw. “You don’t understand. I-” You’re too good for me, for this…

As if he understood, he touched his forehead to hers, his breathing rasping in and out roughly as he took in some air. “Cristina.”

In a rare moment of cowardice, she squeezed her eyes tighter.

“Look at me.”

Obeying that ragged command, she managed to open her eyes and meet his.

“It’s just you and me. Just us. And we already know how good that can be. Let me show you how good this can be, as well.” And he kissed her shoulder. Her collarbone. A breast, which he softly sucked into his mouth. When she gasped, he continued his little tour of her body, heading farther south, kissing a rib, her belly button, a hip…

Shifting, he ran his hand down her leg, gently nudging it open so that he could kiss first one inner thigh and then the next.

And then in between.

She stopped thinking then and stopped breathing, too, while he took her straight to implosion in five point four seconds.

When she came back to planet Earth, he was working his way up her body, looking quite hot and bothered. Once again, he laced his fingers with hers as he slowly eased her legs apart. “You do have the most beautiful eyes. Keep looking at me.”

She could feel him hard and heavy between her legs, gliding against her throbbing and already very wet flesh. “I’m looking.”

“You see me.” He held her gaze as he slowly pushed into her, hard and thick, filling her so completely that she couldn’t stop the small cry of pleasure from escaping her throat.

“I see you,” she promised on a rough breath, arching up for more, for all of him, wrapping her legs around his waist.

“Keep seeing me.” And he began to move inside her, making love to her with such beautiful fierce care that she found herself rocking into him, begging for her release long before he allowed it, showing her exactly how good he was for her, exactly how much she needed him and how much he could love her.

If only she’d let him.

And for that moment in time, she did let him, let herself. She completely gave in to it, letting herself soar, content to be in his arms for as long as he’d hold her.

Or at least as long as she could stand it before the doubts and fears overtook her again.

HOURS LATER, Dustin stirred and reached for Cristina, knowing when he felt the cold sheets that he was alone in her bed.

Rolling to his back, he sighed, not bothering to call himself a fool for believing that this time it would be different. He should know better by now.

It was never going to be different, nothing was ever going to change.

Except him.

He could change.

He could grow up and get over her and not give her the power to do this to him.

Not ever again.

5

WHEN CRISTINA came back from her punishingly long hard run, Dustin was gone. Which was perfect, she told herself. Excellent. She didn’t need round two or an after-sex cuddle.

Nope, she was good.

Walking through the apartment she’d lived in for several years now, lived in and been content in, she found herself taking a good look around as Dustin had. When she’d first moved in, she hadn’t been able to afford a west-facing apartment so she couldn’t see the beach, but it was there, only two blocks away, and when she opened the windows, she could smell the salty ocean air.

She had minimal furniture but she didn’t spend a lot of time here, so she hadn’t found it necessary to fill the place up with stuff she would never use.

In fact, she hadn’t filled much of it at all, and as she took the place in, saw the half-empty, clean rooms, she came to the uncomfortable realization that Dustin might be right.

She had nothing Christmasy out, no decorations, nothing personal at all.

She’d never cared before. It hadn’t mattered, the holiday hadn’t mattered. In fact, little did beside her work.

So when had that stopped being enough? When Blake had gone through such hell this year? When she’d thought he was dead and that she’d lost one of the few people she’d let herself care about?

Or when two others on her team, Aidan and Zach, had each found their respective soul mates in Brooke and Kenzie? Yeah, that had shocked her to the core, two staunch bachelors, both falling so hard.

With a sigh, she gathered her laundry, telling herself she didn’t care that she didn’t have a damn Christmas tree or some stupid decorations, and she sure as hell didn’t care that she didn’t have a soul mate, because if she had, then she might be doing laundry for two right now and that would suck.

Besides, she didn’t even know if she believed in soul mates. The idea of it, that there was one person in all the persons of the world, one, that was meant for her, seemed crazy. With those odds, it was no wonder that she’d decided not to look.

And yet…and yet a small part of her thought maybe it wouldn’t be so bad to be doing two loads of laundry instead of one, if she had company while she was doing them. She dumped the first load into her washing machine, and, hearing the crinkle of paper, stuck her hands into her pockets. It was the red envelope, the one that had cost her twenty-five bucks on a whim.

For charity. There. See? She’d made a contribution to Christmas, and somehow, ridiculously, the thought cheered her slightly. Until she opened the envelope and remembered what her twenty-five bucks had gotten her.

That one-night romantic getaway. She and Dustin could have rocked that one night.

She should just throw the card away and chalk it up as a tax write-off. There was no reason even to keep it around…

But as she passed the trash can, she slipped the card back into her pocket instead.

DUSTIN WALKED IN the front door of his house and found his brother slouched on his couch, feet up, remote in hand, game on the television, as if he lived there.

Jason nodded a greeting, taking a few seconds to tear his gaze off the game, but once he did, he blinked at Dustin’s disheveled appearance. “Either you got your ass kicked by the job, or you just got laid.”

Dustin kicked off his shoes and dropped his keys and wallet, then sank to the couch next to his brother, whom he was damn happy to see. “You got off on leave a few days early.”

“Yeah.” Jason wasn’t in his National Guard uniform, but wearing jeans and a vintage Van Halen T-shirt. “Thought I’d hang here, and we’d go up to Mom’s for Christmas Eve together. Nice change of subject, by the way.”

“I haven’t seen you in six months, you don’t want to talk about my job.”

“Okay, let’s talk about you getting laid.”

Dustin rolled his eyes and leaned in to hug his brother, who met him halfway and pulled him in tight. “Missed your ugly mug a little.”

“Same goes, bro. Same goes.” Jason offered him a soda and the chips, both of which had come from Dustin’s