Chapter 10
Jordan limped along the trail in the midday heat, reeling from her revelation about Cade. So he wasn’t the thrill-seeker she’d thought. Her entire perception had been skewed-which meant that she’d misjudged this man badly. And now she had to rethink the past, their marriage, even herself in this new light.
And she might have to admit she’d been wrong.
Unease fluttered through her chest, but she ruthlessly tamped it down. No matter how uncomfortable she felt, she had to get at the truth. She had to peel back those protective layers and take a hard, frank look at the past- and her own role in it.
That was why she’d come to Montana. She’d expected to find validation, to prove she’d been right to leave Cade. Instead, she’d realized she didn’t love Phil. That kiss had blasted that illusion, cracking open the door on the truth.
And she couldn’t shrink from the rest of it, even if she didn’t like what she found out.
And a big part of facing that truth was telling Cade about the miscarriage. He deserved to know about his lost child. She never should have kept that secret.
Guilt blocked her throat at the thought.
“Hold up a minute.” Cade stopped and glanced around. “I want to check the map.”
“All right.” She paused and shifted her weight from her tender ankle, then bent down to pet the dog. She’d behaved badly, all right. She’d fled Montana and ended their marriage, wounding the man she had loved. And when she told him why she left, she would hurt him even more.
Her throat thick, she brushed the dirt from Dusty’s coat, and rubbed the soft fur on his head. He whined softly, gazing up with those trusting eyes, and tension slid from her heart. It wouldn’t erase her guilt or change the past, but now she had a chance to do something right. She could finally tell Cade the whole truth.
But not here. Not with the fire this close. She’d wait until the danger had passed and he had time to listen.
Cade struggled to open his map, and she quickly rose to help him. “Here, let me get that.” She grabbed the ends and held them steady.
“Thanks.” His blond brows furrowed as he studied the map. Sunlight filtered through the whispering pines, highlighting the tips of his lashes. Darker bristles shadowed his jaw beneath his hard hat.
Her gaze caressed that rugged face and her pulse began to hum. And that familiar ache came slinking back. She longed to touch him, to stroke that masculine jaw and see need flare in those dazzling blue eyes. To feel the power in those massive muscles and the rocketing thrills when he kissed her.
A gust of wind fluttered the map and snapped her back to reality. The forest fire. Their need to escape.
She sent an uneasy gaze to the south. She couldn’t see the fire yet. The forest was calm, the patch of sky above the pines still blue.
But it was coming. She could sense it pulsing, seething as it roiled its way over the mountain. Thundering through the tinder-dry pines, devouring everything in its path-including them, if they didn’t get out fast.
Her blood careened through her veins. Jittery now, she looked at Cade, and was startled by how calm he looked, how at ease in this dangerous world.
And for the first time, she realized she had a chance to see beyond the glamour to the reality of his job in a way she’d never had when they were married. To see who Cade really was.
And maybe, what she had lost.
He caught her gaze. “We’ll cut across here on this game trail.”
“That’s a trail?” Surprised, she glanced at the faintly trampled grass leading into the trees, and her respect for him rose. “You certainly have an eye for details.” She never would have noticed that path or survived out here on her own.
“It probably leads to a stream,” he said. “We’ll follow it as long as we can. But things could get rough after that.”
“I can handle it.” She folded the map and stuck it in the pocket of his PG bag.
He didn’t answer, and she lifted her gaze to his. She saw the concern in his eyes, the worry. Not for his own safety, but for hers. He wanted to protect her, just as he always had.
Determined to do her part, she raised her chin. “I can keep up.”
“Yeah.” His voice gentled. “Just let me know if I’m going too fast or if you need to rest.”
“I’ll be fine.” She’d make sure of it. She refused to slow them down, especially with their lives at stake. And she’d prove that he could depend on her, at least this time.
He dipped his head in agreement, then turned and hiked through the weeds. Intent on keeping up, she ignored her pulsating ankle. She focused instead on the power in his back, the impressive width of his shoulders, the confidence in his lengthy stride.
And couldn’t help but marvel. God, he was strong. And not just physically. She couldn’t imagine dealing with this terrible tension, this unbearable stress every day. Facing constant danger, taking risks, making decisions that could cost him his life.
“So, how did you decide to become a smokejumper?” she asked.
The game trail widened, enabling them to walk abreast, and he slowed for her to catch up. “I traveled around for awhile after high school. I worked in construction, did some logging, went up to Alaska and hired on with a fishing boat. But I didn’t find anything that appealed to me long-term.
“Then, one summer, I joined up with a hotshot crew. I liked the work, the challenge of fighting wildfires. How every day was different.
“But it still didn’t suit me. I needed more independence. Fewer rules. That’s when I applied to smokejump.”
She dodged a low-hanging branch. “You’re saying smokejumpers don’t have rules?”
“No, we’ve got plenty of rules. We don’t fool around with our lives. But it’s different. We’re more like a group of individuals working together. We’re all committed to the same thing, catching fire, and we can depend on our bros for our lives. But everyone thinks for himself. There isn’t that obedience or regimentation.”
She could see why that attracted him. Cade wouldn’t obey anyone he didn’t want to. He was far too independent.
And, to be honest, it was precisely that trait that had attracted her to him, his natural ability to lead.
And she’d followed him heart and soul. She’d leaned on him, depended on him, probably too much.
Uneasy with that thought, she frowned, but she had to admit it was true. He’d overwhelmed her back then. Not intentionally, but he’d been far too easy to cling to. And that hadn’t been fair to him.
“The whole idea of smokejumping appealed to me,” he continued. “Not only the work, but that so few people could make it. For the first time, I had a goal, something to work for. I’d never wanted anything that bad in my life. To be the best. One of the elite.”
To belong.
She understood that now. He didn’t jump for the adrenaline rush as she’d once thought. Sure, he enjoyed that part; he was an intensely physical man. But he’d had a far deeper need, beyond the search for freedom. The need to prove his worth, to find acceptance.
And he had that now-esteem, admiration, the respect of his peers.
She eyed his steady stride and acknowledged the truth. Cade was an exceptional man.
And she’d tossed him aside. A sharp slash of regret tightened her chest.
“Hundreds apply every year,” he added. “But only a few make it into the program. And some of those wash out of rookie training. Even former marines think it’s tough.”
Unsettled, she dragged her mind back to the conversation. “And even once you’re in, you can’t slack off.” She’d learned that much at the cabin. “I remember how you worked out all winter to keep in shape.”
His gaze met hers, and she knew he remembered that, too. “Yeah, we have to requalify every spring.”
The path narrowed again, and she dropped back, ending the conversation. Grateful for the privacy, she gave in to her rising pain and let herself limp. Despite her assurances to Cade, throbbing heat bludgeoned her knee now, and she could barely put weight on her ankle. She longed to lie down and rest.
But if Cade could endure this trek with his injuries, she wouldn’t let a few bruises slow her. Not when the
