“I don’t think it, I know it.”
And so did he. Dammit, so did he. “I shouldn’t have come.” He shoved his fingers through his hair and backed away.
“I’m sorry.”
“For which?” At the door, he spun around. “For driving me crazy, or for driving me crazy slowly?”
That comment had anger flashing in her eyes. “I’m sorry you’re upset that you’re not getting your way.”
“What’s my way? Do you even know?”
“You want to have a…a fling.”
That stopped him cold and he stalked back toward her. “Why don’t you just marry me, dammit, and settle once and for all what I really want.”
11
AMBER GAWKED at him and, in truth, Dax couldn’t blame her. He was shocked, too. After that first time when he’d so foolishly asked her to marry him, he’d vowed not to think about it again.
But he knew now how he felt about being a father to Taylor. He wanted to do it right. Part-time wasn’t right, not in his opinion.
He also knew how he felt about Amber, knew it was permanent, not some passing phase.
He knew this, just as he knew he’d been using her resistance to fuel his own, using it to mask his own fear of commitment.
But that was cowardly. The deep emotions he had for Amber were here to stay, and he would face them.
He had to convince her to do the same.
“Did you just…” She gazed at him helplessly, her head going back in forth in an automatic denial that had his jaw so tight he could barely breathe. “Did you…”
“Yes. For the second time. And I have to tell you, that frightened, trapped-doe look is not quite the response I was hoping for.”
The look disappeared instantly as she veiled her thoughts from him.
“I told you before,” she said slowly. “It’s unnecessary. Nothing’s changed.”
“That’s not an answer,” he said grimly. “An answer would be ‘yes, I’ll make your wildest fantasies come true,’ or ‘no, let me rip out your heart.”’
“You’re being impossible.”
“Yes,” he snapped. “We’ve already established that I’m wildly emotional, temperamental and overly sensitive. That I can’t control any of that. I’m also, apparently, impossible. But I want to marry you. I want to be a family. So answer the damn question.”
He couldn’t have handled this any worse, and he knew it. Thanks to his own stupidity, he’d backed her into a corner with no way out. But he wouldn’t withdraw the question, not when he’d put his pride on the line.
In control now, Amber didn’t even blink.
“It’s that tough, huh?”
“It’s not as though we’ve had the most conventional of relationships,” she told him in a tone that said she expected him to be reasonable.
He wasn’t in the mood for reasonable. “Of course this relationship hasn’t been normal, not from the very beginning! We met under extraordinary circumstances, for God’s sake, and we’ve been through things other people haven’t.” He lifted his hands helplessly. “Nothing’s been the same since that earthquake, and nothing’s been the same since I met you.” Dropping his hands, he shook his head. “I held you when I thought we were going to die, Amber, and yes, that was a long time ago, and yes, now everything’s different. I see things differently, I feel differently.” He reached for her, touched her pale face. “I have never regretted what happened. You have to know, you and Taylor are the best things that ever happened to me.”
She turned away and scrubbed at the yogurt stain with a napkin. Though the stain didn’t come off, she slipped the jacket back on anyway. Buttoning it, her back to him, she softly said, “You scare me.”
“Does it help to know you scare me, too?”
“Actually, ‘scare’ isn’t a strong enough word,” she clarified. “
He came up behind her, torturing himself with the feel of her spine and curved bottom against his chest and groin.
At the contact, her fingers fumbled on her buttons.
Reaching around her, he brushed her hands away and took over the task. “It’s not like you to be so fidgety.”
“I’m nervous. Marriage proposals do that to me.”
Surrounding her as he was, he could hear her every breath, could smell her sweet, sexy scent. Felt her small tremors. Wildly protective emotions rose in him, powerful and suddenly certain. “Amber…” His arms folded around her. His mouth found its way to her ear and was heading toward her jaw when she straightened.
“I’m having enough trouble keeping my thoughts together,” she said shakily, facing him, pressing her hands to her heart. “If I let you kiss me now, I don’t know what will happen.”
“Really?” That pleased him. “What
“You know very well what.”
“I want to hear you say it.”
She rolled her eyes. “You know all you have to do is look at me and my thoughts scatter. I certainly can’t concentrate when you put your mouth on me. I can hardly breathe.”
His smile spread a bit. “Maybe you concentrate too much.”
“Yes, well, it’s a bad habit of mine.”
“Are you ever going to answer the question?”
She drew a deep breath. “I know it’s rude, but I need some air.”
“You need to think.”
“Yes.”
Well-versed in this particular play, he followed her out, but she was stopped by Nancy at the front desk and handed a stack of messages that made her sigh.
Dax watched while she flipped through them with quick impatience. And saw her, really saw her-the weary eyes, the slight bruises beneath them, the tension in her body.
She was truly exhausted.
Nancy added a pile of files that needed immediate attention. On top of that, she placed a virtual mountain of correspondence, all of which required review and a signature.
It had to be at least a week’s worth of work.
Amber took everything stoically, she even managed a smile for her employee, but Dax saw right through her.
“Put it in your office and let’s go,” he said quietly.
Nancy held up a finger before Amber could move. “The Garrisons. They want to see that property again.”
“Terrific,” Amber muttered.
“Today.”
“They’ve seen it five times this week.”
“I know. But they want to see it again and they want to see it with you.”
Amber drew in a slow, purposeful breath, and Dax wondered how it was that only
It equaled a breakdown for Amber.