pain. It occurred to him then, in an abstract sort of way, that maybe Sebastian would get his cure after all, but that was secondary really. Only Jackson mattered now.
Only she had mattered for a very long time.
So he sucked in a deep breath and he screwed up his courage and he said the words he had to say. “Do it.” And the last thing he felt was the prick of a syringe, and the last thing he heard was her sobs, and the last thing he saw was the tears, and everything exploded.
Chapter Thirty-eight
If she could have, Jackson would have screamed until her voice was hoarse. Screeched until her head throbbed, but it felt almost like her voice was lost somewhere, grabbed away by the pain.
Pete held her fast, and any other time she would have been able to get away but her knee was stiff with pain, her cheek slicing agony each time she moved, and a horrible, despairing weariness had settled over everything. It just seemed to her that, of course it would be this way. They would survive the horde, but she’d lose the one thing worth surviving for.
“I’m sorry,” Sebastian said as he moved away with the needle.
“I’m going to fucking kill you,” she growled, finding her voice at last. “You bastard.”
“This is Luke’s choice,” Pete whispered. “Let him have that, Jackson. Let him. He deserves that much at least.”
She sobbed, her chest heaving, the noise so ridiculously loud and unfamiliar that for one wild moment Jackson wondered where it was coming from. But then she realized it was
“I can’t lose him,” she whispered.
“I know,” Pete said. “I remember.” He turned to the doctor. “How long until we know?”
Sebastian shrugged. The redheaded zombie groaned. “I’ve never used it on a person. Maybe a few minutes. No more than five.”
Luke screamed then, a deep guttural roar that filled the room. Jackson winced. “Is it hurting him?” she whispered, her chest hoarse.
“Yes,” Sebastian said. “But less than the alternative.”
“You have to let me go,” she said over Luke’s second scream “Let me go to him, Pete. I won’t let him turn alone, not if it comes to it.”
“You’ll try and kill him,” Pete said softly, “if he turns, and Luke knows as well as I do what that will do to you. He’s doing this for you.”
Jackson shook. “I don’t have the strength left. I just want to hold his hand. Let me go.”
“He asked me not to.”
“And I’m telling you that you have to.” A memory came then of a story Luke had told her. They’d been in an old store and she’d nearly fainted when she’d found a stash of canned stewed apples. They’d taken turns eating from three cans, both enjoying the unexpected treat. Afterward he’d held her in his arms and shared stories. Luke had shared so many, she realized, while she’d shared hardly any. If only she could go back.
“You have to because of Lily,” she said.
Pete stilled. “What?”
“You held her in your arms even after she turned, even when she tried to bite you, and you didn’t behead her.”
“How do you know that?” he demanded.
“Luke told me. You did it for her. Let me do it for him.”
Pete sighed and relaxed his grip. “You promise not to behead him? Because there’s more than just you two at stake here. I’m sorry if that sounds harsh but it’s true. The whole fucking world could rest on what happens here.”
“I know.” Jackson staggered forward, pain radiating out from her knee, until she could crumple next to Luke. Feeling no guilt at all that she would break that promise if need be. A horrific image of him trapped in one of Sebastian’s cages hit, and Jackson almost vomited. Spending his final days as one of Seb’s experiments?
Never
This was Luke. He was hers. She’d be here for him. That was more important than any cure ever could be.
“Me and you,” she whispered.
She reached out a shaky hand and wiped at the blood dripping down his face. Was it his blood or hers? Did it even matter anymore?
Her free hand found his and she held fast. “I’m here, Luke. I’m here.”
He screamed and writhed beneath her. His body so clearly racked with pain that she vowed here and then that Sebastian would fucking suffer for this.
“Careful,” Pete said and Jackson realized he’d followed her over, probably to wrench her away again if need be. She ignored him.
“I’ve got you,” she said softly. “Right here, Luke. With me.”
He screamed again before turning ever so slightly and vomiting all over the floor. The vomit was green, not the color of their pus, and a kernel of hope blossomed in Jackson. She lifted the wipes and ran one along his face. Her hand shaking so much that she almost missed the parts that needed cleaning.
“We’ll hold hands soon,” she whispered. “And go for a walk. You’ll like that, baby. I promise I won’t even take Mandy. I’ll leave her at home.”
“Jackson…”
His word was muffled around a scream and she gritted her teeth tight. “I’m here.”
His body bucked, almost like an epileptic fit, up and down, shivers racing across his skin. Jackson placed a hand on his chest to try and steady him and felt the heat through his shirt. The fever burning.
“No…” she whispered. “No.”
Another scream, this one long and drawn out, and his body seemed to curl in on itself.
“Almost done,” Sebastian whispered.
She felt Pete move closer behind her. No doubt ready to grab her away. Jackson knew then what she would have to do if he did.
Luke bucked again, another scream left his lips, and then, to Jackson’s absolute horror, he became completely still. His body locked tight. She gasped and sucked in a shocked breath before reaching out an unsteady hand. “Is he?”
“Move back,” Sebastian said, a warning note in his voice. “Move away from him.”
A groan sounded then, replacing the screams. A groan that lifted the hairs on Jackson’s arms and made everything crystallize. The last few years flashed through her mind at light speed, memory after memory filling her and she let the lump out.
Let them all out.
They erupted one after the other.
Another little death.
The last lump. The
“Move away,” she heard Sebastian say again, but his voice was distant, meaningless almost.
