“I drew this a few months ago. After the dream.” He handed it to me. “Believe me now?”
I nodded slowly, unsure how else to explain what he was showing me. I didn't fully believe in the ability of premonitions and seeing the future. Anything could be changed. I didn't want to disappoint him though. I smiled weakly, wrapping my arms around him. “Of course,” I whispered, kissing his cheek. “I have some news of my own.”
“You do?” he asked, pulling back slightly.
“I haven't told you…” I hadn’t been sure how to bring it up sooner. I wasn't even sure I was ready, or when I would be, but at least now we would be protected. Joshua merely stared, waiting for me to elaborate. “There's a plant I've been eating that will keep us from getting pregnant.”
He tilted his head slightly. “Are you positive it'll work?”
I shrugged with a nervous laugh. “I don't know. I hope so. I've been eating it for a few months. Since before we left for Torv,” I admitted. “Elsa read about it in an ancient book about Rome. Apparently Fora had a supply for its medicinal purposes. Luckily, she managed to cultivate some in the greenhouse.” I smiled up at him. His thumb reached out, stroking my cheek as he leaned down, brushing his lips against mine. “We don't have to do anything you're not ready for.”
I knew he was right. I knew he wouldn’t push, and yet I felt the desire building inside of me as his lips touched mine. A single spark of electricity was all we needed to ignite the burning fire I felt. Never before had I been touched in the way he touched me now. His fingers smoothed down my back as I opened my lips to his. I felt his body, my hands against his chest, but it wasn't close enough. We weren't close enough.
“Upstairs.” I pulled back slightly, feeling myself out of breath. Gasping for air, we headed up the stairs, Joshua ahead of me as he took my hand and led me up behind him.
Once inside the bedroom, together we fell in a heap against the mattress. His fingers skimmed my thigh as my leg shifted, wrapping around him. I couldn't find the words to speak. My breathing quickly became ragged and hot as I pulled at his clothes. I touched him, felt him, let my fingers graze against warm skin. Every detail I memorized. Every breath I felt caused me to shudder. Joshua was everything I'd wanted. Everything I'd dreamt of for so long. Finally it was mine. He was mine. It was all within my grasp to take.
CHAPTER 29
Our time in Shadow as newlyweds felt much too quick. I didn't quite know what a honeymoon was but I began to suspect how it must have worked hundreds of years ago. Although we hadn't the chance to travel to foreign or exotic lands like we'd read about, we certainly spoiled each other in any way we possibly could.
We drove to Torv in May, just a few short weeks after the fall of the government. Joshua and I were honorary guests since we had been the biggest supporters and causes of the uprising. Elsa, Cate, and Chancellor Collins represented Shadow. Each city had an invitation for three to represent themselves. The three had been chosen based on a democratic election.
I sat beside Joshua at the large mahogany table and to the right of me was Elsa. Cate and Chancellor Collins grabbed seats against the wall, squeezing into the room. To the right of Elsa sat Douglas. Beside him a woman from Torv whom I didn't recognize sat. She kept staring at me, her dark green eyes and jet-black hair stark against pale ivory skin. “I'm Olivia.” I stood up, introducing myself, feeling her attention on me. The room was loud, filled with commotion.
“Isaura,” she shouted over the noise. “I've heard a lot about you,” she acknowledged.
“Nice to meet you,” I offered, sitting back down. There were a few familiar faces from my home, Genesis. Two of those I recognized were Jordan and my teacher during my first three years of primary school. I didn't have time to say hello before the meeting started.
The room was huge, filled with members from every town. We worked tirelessly for hours to structure a democracy of laws, choices, and freedoms, giving the people what they wanted. It wasn't easy deciding how to deal with the current mess of the system. Children had been stolen from families, how could you fix that? Arguing and disagreements came from every side on some matter of law. Everyone had been affected one way or another. Some had had children taken, others had been provided a child. Neither side was willing to part with their vision of a new future.
It seemed futile. It wasn't though. Our part lasted three days and when it was over I couldn't have been more grateful to know it was time for Joshua and I to start our lives together. We packed our bags and I glanced behind me when I heard a knock on the door. “Come in,” I called over my shoulder.
“I just wanted to say, we're going to miss you,” Chloe answered from the door. “Everything you've done for us, it's huge.”
I turned around, surprised to see her. “Thank you.” I smiled. We still didn't know if the hormone injections had helped. I suspected they hadn't and I was the reason Drezden had lived. I wanted to give them hope and now, with the additional medical staff from Maven, they would be able to pull their resources and minds together to fix the problem and help move forward towards a future generation.
“I know we haven't talked about your father.” Chloe watched me curiously.
“I don't want to,” I answered. “He's a part of my past, one I don't want to relive.” I sighed when I saw him standing out in the hallway behind Chloe. He'd been waiting to see me, to talk to me. I never would feel ready for this moment, but it was here.
“Olivia?” His voice was soft, almost kind. If he hadn't left us, I would have been relieved to see him. I had thought he was dead. A part of me had died finding out he was alive. Maybe it was a terrible thing to think but it was the truth. I'd put the man on a pedestal. Believed he was bigger than he was, greater and more important. I idolized him, until I learned the truth.
He didn't come into the small room, and I was thankful for the space. I faced him, crossing my arms against my chest. “What do you want?” I tried to look tough. I wanted to feel tough, strong, unbreakable.
“To explain.” He stared at me with soft eyes, and I felt my insides want to melt. I wouldn't let it happen. “Everything has been a misunderstanding.”
“Somehow I doubt that,” I muttered. “Go on.” I waved for him to continue.
He sighed heavily, taking a step closer towards me but still not reaching past my door. “You were just a child of five when I left. I wanted to tell you the truth that you were not part of 'The Day of the Chosen.’” He elaborated, “I thought you deserved to know the truth. Your mother didn't agree with me. She felt you were too young to keep such a secret. She worried it would have endangered your life. She may have been right but I was stubborn, Olivia. I didn't want you to grow up and resent us for lying to you.”
“So what? You faked your death and ran off to Torv to marry Chloe and have a new daughter?” I spat back.
He grimaced. “I see how it could look that way, but that's not how it happened. Your mother and I fought about it constantly. One night I gave her an ultimatum. I tell you the truth, or I leave. I didn't think she'd tell me to go but she did. She pointed towards the door. She kicked me out.” He shook his head. “You know Genesis forbade divorce. Marriage was deemed the perfect system because the government determined one’s match. If I left your mother, they would have banished me. It was better I left without causing a big scene. Trust me.” He emphasized, “It was safer for you.”
“You could have come back for me.” I stared at him, appalled that he was acting as if he'd done the right thing in all of this. “It still doesn't explain the fire, your funeral, any of it.”
“No,” he sighed, hanging his head. “I was a coward and I left during the night. Climbed over the stone walls and made it into the Gravelands. I walked for days until someone from Torv found me and brought me in, looked after me. It was only after I reached Torv that I heard there had been a fire back in Genesis and I was presumed dead. I thought you were better off believing that, Olivia. I thought it was better than knowing I abandoned you and your mother.” He hung his head in shame.
I wasn't convinced he told the entire truth. “I saw Mom.”
He sighed, glancing up at me. “How is she?”
“Fine.” I didn’t elaborate.
Gavin nodded slowly. “Fair enough.” He didn't push and I was glad he left it alone. “I've always missed you,”
