me how stupid I was for moving to Vegas. That I was going to turn into nothing and that to my father I was already nothing, worthless, a huge massive disappointment that he wished had never been born. He didn’t want garbage like me in his house. Those were his exact words and that’s when I jumped into my car and drove back to Ella’s, making the decision to never see them again. And I’ve been good on my promise until today.
“I walked through the front door,” I say, regretting coming here, but Ella needed a dress. She deserves one, a good, pretty one that will make her feel special on her wedding day. Because whether she’ll admit it or not, almost every girl wants the perfect dress.
My mother stands in the doorway, looking me over as she grips the doorknob. “You look like shit, Lila. That T-shirt…” She makes a repulsed face. “And that godawful haircut. What were you thinking?”
“I wasn’t thinking anything,” I tell her, eyeing her Botoxed face. “Other than I was sick of looking artificial.”
“Watch it, young lady,” she warns, letting go of the doorknob and stepping forward. “Or you won’t get what you came here for.”
I cross my arms and raise my eyebrows at her, unsure what she means. “And why did I come here?”
She waits, like she’s expecting me to give her the answer, when I don’t have a clue what’s going on. “So you finally took my advice and came back. Honestly, I’m not sure how I feel about this, Lila.” She walks into the room, her head held arrogantly high as she takes in my appearance like I’m a sideshow circus freak. “Do you know how frustrated your father and I have been with your life choices lately?”
“Probably about as frustrated as you’ve been with them since I was born,” I say, my voice coming out sharper than I intended.
She purses her lips and places her hands on her hips as she reaches me—close enough, yet her eyes look so far away. “Lila Summers, you know the rules in this house. You won’t talk to me like that while you’re here.”
I’ve always been taught to obey, but seeing her like this, my vision undiluted, I feel like I’m seeing her for the first time, along with everything she’s done and said to me over the years. “Yes, I do, mother. Don’t express anything, right? At least in a healthy way.”
“What does that mean?”
“You know what it means.”
“No, I don’t.” She rushes toward me and gets in my face. “If you’re going to move back in here with me, there will be rules.”
I smile at her politely, suddenly understanding what she thinks I’m here for. I’m about to say something when the closet door swings open and Ella walks out carrying the dress over her arm, her eyes red, like she’s been crying. She stops dead in her tracks as she takes one look at me and my mother and tenses, eyeing the door like she’s going to bolt. And I don’t blame her. I’m thinking the exact same thing.
“Who are you?” my mother asks curtly, her gaze sliding over Ella’s torn shorts and faded purple tank top.
Ella glances at me with a what-the-hell-should-I-do look and I can see the apprehension on her face. She doesn’t do well with parents, and even though I don’t completely understand why, I’m guessing that it’s because her dad’s an alcoholic and probably wasn’t that nice to her.
“She’s my friend,” I state, swinging around my mom and grabbing Ella’s arm. I jerk her toward the door a little harder than I meant to, but I’m trying to portray inner strength, even though it’s hard to feel it whenever my mother’s around. “And we were just leaving.”
“Like hell you are.” My mother’s fingers snag my elbow and she yanks on my arm. The side of her purse brushes against my arm and I can’t help but think how easy it would be to snatch it from her and steal her bottle of pills, knowing the instant one went down my throat, I’d feel better, but it’d be a fake better. “You aren’t walking out of here, especially when you look like that.”
“Look like what?” I wrench my arm away from her.
Her eyes turn icy as they narrow in on me. “I’m not going to let you screw up your life, even though you’ve been so determined to do so. It’s time to start over.” She cuts her gaze to Ella. “And get away from the people who aren’t suitable for you.”
Ella glares at her as she starts to open her mouth and even though I’m curious as to what’s going to come out of it, I decide it’s time for me to put my mother in her place, because I need to stand up for myself. “That’s what I’m doing right now.” I flash her my most beautiful smile, and then grab Ella’s hand and hurry for the front door.
One foot in front of the other. Get the hell away from here and all the emptiness it holds.
My mother starts yelling at us as she follows us through the house, saying mean things about me and Ella, and she even tries to take the dress away, telling me that neither one of us is worthy of having it, not when we looks so trashy. That’s it. She can take jabs at me because I’m used to it, but not at my friends. It’s ridiculous and pathetic. As we reach the entryway, I whirl around and threaten her with the one thing I know will make her stop.
“Walk away, Mother, or I’ll tell everyone your secrets,” I warn in a low tone, walking toward her. I get in her face, surprising her and myself. “I will make sure everyone knows just how great of a person you are outside and
“Watch your mouth.” Her voice trembles, but her face is subdued.
“Oh, I will.” I let out a sharp laugh. “I’ll watch it as I walk around announcing to anyone who will listen just how great you and Dad are behind closed doors.”
I’m putting her worst fears out there. Part of me wants to keep going, slap her across the face, tell her how worthless she is, beat her down like she’s done to me for years, but I don’t want to turn into her either. Ella and I walk out of the house and I make a silent vow to myself that I will never, ever return, not to her, my father, that lifestyle, or the pills. There’s nothing there for me. Never has been. Now that my head is finally clear, I can see that now. See what I want.
I want a life of my own.
Chapter Eighteen
Lila
After we drop the dress off at Ella’s house, we change into nicer clothes and then I take her out to a nightclub as a sort of bachelorette party. I asked her if she wanted anyone else there, but she told me no and that besides Micha, I was really the only person she wanted to hang out with at the moment. The nightclub isn’t as fancy as the ones I’m used to, tucked in a corner of a run-down neighborhood, but the entrance fee was cheap and they have two-dollar Jell-O shots.
“Are you okay?” Ella calls out over the loud, booming music, crossing her legs as she spins back and forth in the barstool. She has on a short green dress and her hair is down and curled at the ends. She keeps getting texts from Micha and each one brings this lovey-dovey look to her eyes that I envy and want. “You seem really sad.”
“Yeah, I’m fine. Why wouldn’t I be?” I have a backless white-and-black dress on that hits halfway above my knees. It looks really fancy but I actually bought it at a discount store.
She takes a sip of her drink, looking uncomfortable. “Because of your mom?”
I shrug and sip my fruity drink. I promised myself I wasn’t going to drink that much, but I’m walking in dangerous territory right now, having just got done with my mother and the fact that I haven’t heard from Ethan since we had that awkward, rushed conversation. “Yeah, but I don’t really want to talk about it if that’s okay.”
She flips her hair over her shoulders and fans her hand in front of her face. There’s no air conditioning inside the club and there are way too many people in the compacted area. “Okay, what do you want to do then?” A devious grin appears on her face as she slams back the Jell-O shot. “Talk about Ethan?” She slams the little plastic cup down on the counter top.
