I was astonished at what I saw. Even though I was no stranger to my own beauty and the effect it could have on others, I had never seen myself like this. My hair surrounded me, in golden avalanches. My lips were more red than they’d ever been, my hair shone and shimmered, my eyes were wide and bright and lined by long dark lashes. I was wearing a radiant ivory dress that made my skin look like cream.
Was this me?
Flickering behind my reflection, I saw myself with my hair dragging on the ground, full of leaves and twigs and blood, before the regal queen I was about to become came back into focus.
The wedding took place in the palace gardens. Flowers of every kind, every color, burst from the ground, and trees coated in white blossoms swayed above us. There were armed soldiers everywhere, standing at attention.
When it was time for me to walk down the aisle, my ladies followed me, carrying my train. I clutched a bouquet of orange blossoms, wildflowers, and myrtle, grateful that no one would see my hands trembling. The moment I saw Josef standing at the end of the aisle, dressed in elaborate robes and waiting for me, I relaxed. He wanted me here. He wanted me to be his queen, even if others in the court were not as sure.
He smiled as he saw me. I could feel that smile like a hand sweeping down my back.
And then, as I approached, I saw her for the first time, the same woman from the portrait . . . but she was a child, swathed in lavender silk. Standing near Josef at the altar, her hands filled with flowers. My heart stopped for a moment, and I faltered. It was as if I’d seen a ghost, haunting me. The queen come back to punish me for what I’d done. For what Mathena had done, wasn’t it? What Clareta had done.
Her hair was as black as ebony, her skin pale and smooth, like a first snow covering the forest floor. And her lips were a brilliant red, like cherries full and hanging from their stems.
But she was just a child, seven years old, a little girl. Snow White. Not a ghost come to haunt me.
She was the same age my own child should have been, had he lived. The same age I’d been when Mathena took me to the forest. She was standing stiff and straight, and did not seem to carry herself like a child. As I neared her, she stared at me with her huge round eyes, expressionless. A sick feeling came over me as I looked at her, and then a terrible longing. I nearly stopped in place and crumpled to the floor. It was as if my own son had appeared, grown into this exquisite creature.
I breathed in and focused again on Josef, his warm face always ready to break into a smile.
And then I reached him, and it was as if I were opening the cottage door and seeing him for the first time, dazzling, right in front of me, the first man I’d ever seen up close.
He loved me, had searched for me.
“You’re here,” he whispered, the way he had before, as if I were an apparition and might float away. I took his hand and squeezed it, to reassure him.
Later I would hear reports of the commoners protesting outside the castle gates. The number of subjects arrested for going against the king. I would hear, too, about how much larger the previous wedding had been, how it had gone on for days and days. But his wife had just died, and now he was marrying a woman rumored to be a witch. Small wonder this one was more intimate.
But I did not know those things then, and I was happy. The priest stood before us and spoke of God and heaven and country and I promised to honor the kingdom and my king, my husband, until I died, and then I was married to him, and I became his queen, and a ring was placed on my finger, and a crown on my head.
After, there was a great feast, and he took me in his arms and danced with me. I, who had never danced before and did not know all the intricate dances they did at court, just held on to him, laughing, as he swept me over the floor, and as my dress whirled around my ankles and I tripped over my own feet, trying to keep up with him. The music was wonderful. I felt every note vibrate over my body as, around us, the most beautiful dancers glided across the floor.
He led me back to the great high table. Snow White and her nurse were seated next to us. Just below sat my ladies-in-waiting and all kinds of splendid nobles who stood and bowed as we approached. The king introduced several of them to me, including the head of his army, Lord Aubert, who kissed my hand and bowed. They all seemed friendly enough, but by now I did not need my hair, or my magic mirror, or any manner of tea leaves or tarot to know that these people did not trust or welcome me into this court, despite their deep bows, the smiles on their faces, and their kind, empty words. I tightened my grip on Josef’s hand and he slipped an arm around my waist.
“This is the Princess Snow White,” he said, as a servant rushed to pull my chair back for me. “And this is your new queen, Rapunzel.”
Snow White stood and curtsied while staring up at me, her expression serious, almost worried.
“I am so pleased and honored to meet you,” I said.
A small, shy smile took over her face. I was utterly charmed, despite myself.
I sat down. Courtiers came up to offer the king and me their love and fidelity. Musicians wandered through the hall, singing songs about love. There was more food on the tables than I’d ever seen, and Josef wanted me to try everything. He lifted his arms and swept them through the air. “That is what life is for. To try everything. You will never miss the forest, now that you’re here.”
The revelries lasted until very late in the night, until I could barely keep my eyes open for exhaustion.
Finally, the king announced we would retire. He stood, extending his hand to me, and I took it and stood next to him. I was woozy with wine and food, all the twirling over the dance floor, the cut flowers scattered across the tables, the feeling of being madly, madly in love—not only with Josef but with this palace, this life—but also the subject of so much ill will, which Josef himself seemed not to notice but I could feel in the air like cold rain. Instead, he was happy, he was drunk, and he lifted me into his arms and carried me out the door, down the hall, and to his chambers.
A group of guards stood waiting and opened the great gold doors to let us pass. Inside, there were candles and torches, and the bed was covered with furs and flowers.
He set me down on the bed and I tumbled out of his arms, lay on my belly with my arms stretched out on either side of me. He unlaced my dress, and I was like an oyster being removed from its shell, especially with my hair piled on my head and not hanging down to protect me. Suddenly I felt naked and raw there, in front of him. I was sober, and everything became less like a dream.
He removed his robes, his shirt and pants, watching me, and then he climbed in bed and pulled me into his arms.
He pressed his palm to my cheek, and I leaned into it.
“Josef,” I whispered, loving the sound of his name in my mouth.
It was not at all like the frenzied coupling of all those years before. The fire crackled, throwing shadows on the walls. The feel of his skin on my skin seemed more sumptuous than any velvet.
“My queen,” he said, smiling down at me. I could not help but smile back. Naked, with his arms wrapped around me, he looked so boyish and sweet, happy. It was hard to imagine that he was a king, that he could lead our kingdom into war and battle.
His palms moved up and down my body, caressed my face and hair. He removed the clips from my hair, one by one, and smiled as my hair fell down around us. His joy and desire vibrated up into me, through the strands.
I was grateful to Mathena then. She had known that I needed to be his wife, his queen, not the girl in the forest whose hair he climbed while his true queen prepared for their wedding day.
He wrapped himself in my hair, luxuriated against it.
All those years she had waited, knowing this day would come.
9
I woke slowly. Sunlight was filtering through the room. Josef slept next to me, his palm resting on my belly. I moved my hand over his.
I stretched like a cat, twisting on the soft sheets. “Queen Rapunzel,” I whispered. Right now in the forest,
