“No one loves me but you,” I said. “I have nothing but you. Please help me.”
I could feel the love coming off of him. I took it inside me as if it were a piece of warm bread he was offering. I focused in, made it into a point of light, used every bit of power I had to sway him, if his love for me was not enough. I leaned in and kissed him, letting it flow back from me to him.
He looked back at me in horror. “How can you ask such a thing?” he said.
I could feel him weakening under me. I slipped my arms around him and I was on top of him, straddling him on the chair, my feet bare and covered in grass and mud. “Bring me the heart of Snow White,” I whispered. I took his face in my hands, brought his lips to mine. “Will you do this for your queen?”
His eyes glittered in the dim light. He didn’t have a choice.
His voice cracked as he answered.
“Yes.”
18
When I woke up the next morning, the sun was falling through the open windows, streaming in like water. I sat up, and all the events from the night before came rushing back to me. My feet were scraped up, my nightgown wet and stained. A maidservant, who’d been hovering near the doorway waiting for me to wake, entered the room, casting her eyes down when she saw the state I was in.
As soon as I was dressed, I went to Mass and to eat in the great hall, looking for Snow White all the while, wondering if I’d really asked Gilles to bring me her heart and if he was going to do as he’d promised. Snow White was not in her usual place next to the king. A shiver moved through me. Quietly, I ate my bread and meat, forcing myself to swallow.
After, I went to see Gilles. I walked over the castle grounds to the mews, and the light was so strange and different, the sun behind a mass of silver clouds yet with rays of light streaming through them. It seemed a sign of some kind. A sign that things would change, finally, for me.
I walked inside and rapped on the door to his private room. There was no answer. After a moment, I pushed the door. He wasn’t there. I stood, letting myself inhale his scents, his presence. I could almost feel his hands moving over me and his mouth on my skin.
I walked over to his bed and spread myself out, letting myself linger though I knew it was dangerous for me to be here. I needed to stay away from Gilles, in case anyone had seen him and the princess and realized what had been done. But for one moment, just this one, I let myself remember the days when the three of us had gone riding in the kingdom, when Snow White petted a falcon as if it were a cat, when her face showed such joy seeing the flourishing crops throughout the countryside.
I shook the memories away. Those days were long past. I concentrated on this moment now, whispering a simple protection spell over him. That he should meet no obstacles in his path and return unharmed.
I forced myself to leave his room and enter the mews. Without him there, it was eerier than it’d ever been before. I thought of my dream then, which flashed before me, and how she’d been tied like the crane. I imagined her, suddenly, with jesses around her ankles, bells tinkling when she moved, her face covered in a black hood.
I looked out the door, into the daylight. The perches outside were empty.
“Who’s there?” A voice cut through the empty air. “Your Highness?”
I whirled around, expecting to see Gilles, but it was one of his assistants, who bowed to me.
“Yes,” I said, collecting myself. “Hello. Is your master here?”
“He has gone into the woods.”
“He has?”
“He said he heard news of a young gyrfalcon, and so he left this morning.”
“Ah,” I said. “Well, that is wonderful news.”
“Perhaps I can assist you?” he asked.
“I wanted to speak to Gilles about a matter involving the king. I suppose he will not be back before nightfall.”
“I expect he will be gone a few days,” he said.
I nodded. “Very well, then.”
He bowed once again before me.
I turned to leave and then thought to ask him one more thing.
“You have not seen the princess today, have you? I was hoping she’d join me for cards.”
He shook his head, but I could not help but notice with annoyance the blush that crept into his cheek, thinking of her. “I have not,” he said.
I turned away, nearly stumbling out of the mews and onto the soft grass. I hurried back to my chambers, as quickly as I could.
“Your Highness!” a lady called out as I rushed by her, but I did not stop. I wanted to go to my mirror, and see if it was done.
“Queen Rapunzel . . . ” one of my ladies began.
I ignored her, pushed into my bedroom just as tears started running down my face. There was so much happening inside me that I could not understand, so many feelings running through me at once.
But my room was not the refuge I had expected. My husband was there waiting for me, standing in his robe and crown. I closed the door and we were alone.
“Josef!”
“Rapunzel,” he said, his voice soft. “My queen. What is the matter?”
“I . . . ”
He moved forward, took me into his arms. It had been nearly a year since he’d visited my bedchamber. For a moment, my heart froze in my breast. Did he know? Could Gilles have betrayed me? Suddenly I was certain of it: that Gilles had gone straight to him and told him what I’d asked. And now the king was in my bedroom. They would have me hanged for treason.
“How are you, my lord?” I asked, my voice catching. “I did not expect you.”
“I was just at a council meeting,” he said. “And then I came to see you.”
“What is it?” I asked. “Has something happened?” I braced myself, tried to get my wits together and have some control over what would happen next. I had brought Josef to me once and made him love me. Surely I could defend myself against him now.
He brought one hand to my face, the other to my breast. “I’ve missed you,” he said.
I forced my body not to tense up, but to melt into him the way it would have done once, when I loved him. I watched him, as he bent down and kissed my neck, murmuring into my skin.
“And that’s why you’re here?” I asked.
“Yes,” he said, lifting up his face to look at me. I studied him for a moment, expecting to find something angry in his expression. Instead, I saw that same glazed look in his eyes, that mist of longing and desire. He was still enchanted, after all these years, despite all the other women.
The thought hit me: that he had come to say good-bye to me, before they took me away. He leaned down and kissed me, his mouth soft and warm. I forced myself to kiss him back, though my insides were twisting. I was sick with fear.
As he held me, I reached up and unloosed my hair, let it fall around him. Immediately his desire overwhelmed me, as it passed between us. I looked at him, trying to figure out what he knew, what was buried in his heart, but there was so much worry and war there already that I could not see past it, and so, for the first time in almost a year, I lay with him, let him pull off my dress and move inside me, though I could not enjoy this coupling.
I closed my eyes but could not block out the horrible scenarios flashing before me, what they would do if they found out that I’d tried to have the princess killed. I saw myself hanging from the gibbet, my hair extended like snakes on the ground below me, or bent over with an ax at my neck, the iron cold against my skin. I could feel my feet encased in hot iron shoes, forcing me to dance and dance as everyone screamed with laughter and
