“Why?” I challenge him, wanting him to admit what I already know is likely to be true. “Why is she your responsibility to take care of?”
“Holly…” his voice trails off like he would like nothing better than for me to drop the topic.
“No, Dad. I’m tired of her using you and getting away with it. She’s ruined this track with her constant need for money for her habit and when she gets locked up for them. I want you to stop saving her,” I demand.
“I can’t!” His eyes grow wide like he can’t believe he just yelled at me. “Don’t you see that I can’t?”
Tears burn my eyes and I fear that Grace’s lies maybe the truth. “No. Tell me it’s not true.”
Dad’s blue eyes soften. “Did she tell you?”
My bottom lip trembles and my entire body begins to shakes. “So it’s true. You really have.”
“Yes. I’m HIV positive,” he says and his face twists.
“No.” I shake my head furiously as my body grows numb. “No! Why did you allow her to give this to you? How could she do this?”
I break out into a full sob as I clutch my throat. That selfish bitch. She can rot in that cell for all I care.
Dad grasps my hand in his. “We didn’t know she had it until it was too late. She contracted it after she had an affair when you were just a toddler. We were still together at the time, and she wasn’t aware that she had it. After the doctors told her she was HIV positive, she left us. Your mother has had to live with the fact that she’s given us both a death sentence because of sleeping with someone outside our marriage. The day Grace left, she told me looking at you everyday was more than she could take. She knew you’d lose both your parents because of her stupidity. That’s why she got herself mixed up in drugs. Not that I condone her method of dealing with our reality, but I understand why she does it. The guilt takes a toll.”
Tears stream down my face. This isn’t happening to me. When am I going to wake up from this nightmare?
Dad squeezes my hand. “I know this is all hard for you to understand because you only know her as this low-life drug addict, but she loves you, Holly. She always has. She begged to come back home so many times, but I always refused because she couldn’t give the drugs up.”
“Did she even try,” I whisper.
A solemn expression fills his face. “Many times. Grace was never one with strong enough willpower to resist something she really wants.”
I search his face. “Why didn’t you tell me once I was old enough to understand?”
“I didn’t want you to know about our health condition. I didn’t want you to live in constant fear that we were going to die. It’s tough being a kid. You didn’t need this burden on your shoulders too. I love you, Holly. I’ll always want to protect you.”
I throw my arms around his neck. The bones in his thin shoulder press against my hands. He’s lived with this secret while it’s slowly been killing him before my eyes. I wish he would’ve told me about this, but I’m not sure knowing earlier would’ve made this any easier. All I can do is cherish every single day I have left with him on this earth. “I love you too, Dad.”
“I’m sorry you had to find out this way, but I’m glad you know. It takes a huge weight off my shoulders,” he says as he pulls back and kisses my cheek. Dad’s entire body shivers. “It’s getting chilly. I have to head back inside. Do you want me to make you something to eat?”
I shake my head. “No, thanks. I think I want to sit out here for a while.”
He pats my leg and shoves himself off the bench. “Take your time, honey. I know it’s a lot to take in.”
The moment Dad leaves my sight, and goes back into the house, I bolt from the house. Headlights shine on me as I fly across the parking lot. I run as fast and as hard as my legs will take me. My dad is my entire world right now, and everything about the house, the shop and the track remind me of him. I have to get away. I need to clear my head so I can process all this shit. My brain can’t take much more.
The air whooshes from my lungs as I reach the field on the other side of the track and trip over a rock. The solid ground scrapes my arms and hands as I land hard, face first. That’s when I can no longer hold back my tears. They flow like hot lava down my face and I roll onto my side and allow myself this time to grieve. And it’s not just for my dad being sick, it’s for the loss of my mother and how she’s making me handle this all alone.
A hard sob escapes my lips just as strong hands wrap around my shoulders and lean me up. Trip is sitting on his knees in the dirt with his eyebrows pulled in and a slight frown in his face. The concern in his eyes chokes me up. He’s the last person I expected to try and comfort me. After all, we aren’t exactly on the best of terms right now.
I open my mouth to tell him to go away, but no words come out. Instead I wrap my arms around him and cry into his shoulder. The way he wraps his arms around me, like he’s going to protect me forever makes me cry harder. Now that I know he’s a mega-star, the reality hits me that he’ll be leaving me soon too. I’ll be left here completely alone.
“I’ve got you,” he whispers and folds me in his arms even tighter. “I’ve got you.”
“It’s true. Grace was right.” I cling to him like my life depends on it. “I can’t lose him, Trip. He’s all I’ve got.”
“You’ve got me.” He strokes the back of my head. “I’m not going anywhere.”
“Don’t make promises that you don’t intend to keep,” I say as I close my eyes and burrow myself into the crook of his neck.
Trip pulls back and cradles my face in his hands. “I’ll always be here for you.”
I try to pull away because the intensity in his stare is almost more than I can bear. “Trip…how can that be true? I’m a nobody and you’re some famous rock star. You won’t want to be with me forever.”
“You’re everything to me. Can’t you see that you’re
My heart melts at the sound of his words, but the reality of how easily he could change his mind gnaws at the pit of my stomach. “What happens when someone better comes a long?”
His lips pull into a tight line. “There’s no one on this earth that can compare to you. I
I take a deep breath and close my eyes. The look in his green eyes tells me he means every word of what he’s saying. I can’t deny that I’ve had some pretty strong feelings for him too. How can I not tell him I feel the same way after he’s laid out his feelings so clearly. He deserves my complete honesty after that.
I open my eyes to meet his gaze. “I think I love you too.”
He grins. “Think, huh? That’s a start, I guess. But just so we’re clear, I
That causes me to smile and it feels good to hear that after so much crying and sadness. “I love you too.”
“That’s much better,” he murmurs against my lips before I fade into his kiss.
Chapter 16
Holly’s dainty hand fits perfectly in mine as we walk around the track hand in hand. It’d taken an entire day of convincing, but she finally allowed me to dump some money into this place to get it ready for the race this weekend.
I throw my arm around her shoulders as we watch a crew repair parts of the track and build the stage for the band to perform. “This is going to be so awesome. I’m excited.”
She smiles up at me. “Me too, but I still feel like it’s wrong to allow you to spend so much of your own money on this place.”
I kiss the tip of her nose. “I’m a partner, right? I look at spending my money here as investing in a business I co-own. You being my girl doesn’t affect that.”
She runs her hand down my back and raises an eyebrow when she grabs my butt. “Are you sure?”
