I didn’t even look at the nurse as she talked. Instead my eyes flitted to the definition of HPV that was staring at me from the first page of the pamphlet.
“Do I have an STD?” I asked, my mouth agape, staring at the sheet.
The nurse sighed and I finally looked up at her. “Yes and no. That seems to be the one thing that people point to. It is sexually transmitted, but it doesn’t mean that it will transmit to your partner if that’s what you’re wondering. You can’t pass cervical cancer to him and men don’t get the same symptoms as women, usually.”
I snorted. “That guy in the lobby isn’t my partner He’s just a friend.” A friend that is going to be very happy he didn’t have sex with me since I have a disease.
“Well he must be a very good friend to take you to this appointment.”
“I guess.”
She then went through asking me a few questions like if I’d ever been pregnant, if I was a smoker, and my last period. All standard stuff I guessed at or responded no. For having a sexually transmitted infection, I sure was boring in the sex department.
The nurse opened a drawer behind her and pulled out a flimsy gown and handed it to me. It smelled like stale water and the metallic drawer it came out of. “You can keep your bra on, but please take off your shirt, pants, and underwear.”
“Uh, all right.” This was the second time that a woman I’d just met was about to see my lady parts. Both of them had gotten farther than I had with a guy in almost a year. Which didn’t make much sense since I was the one with the disease.
She offered me another tight-lipped smile and picked up the folder and tablet before she stood up and went to the door. “I’ll let Dr. Rodriguez know that you’re here.”
“Okay.”
I undressed quickly, hoping no one would walk in, and then sat back on the exam table, waiting for what seemed like forever. I leafed through some older magazines that sat on the shelf and tried not to stare at the giant vagina model. I had no idea what time it was, so when I finally pulled out my phone I had quite a few missed messages from John.
I smiled, reading through the texts. Maybe he actually did care. Or maybe he was just creeped out from sitting in the lobby at an OB.
As I finished the text a knock came at the door and without me answering a short, middle-aged Latina woman with her hair pulled back in a tight bun came in. “Hello, Melanie, I’m Dr. Rodriguez.” Her accent was thicker than her chunky sweater that she wore under her white lab coat.
“Hi, Dr. Rodriguez.”
“You were sent from Student Health Services regarding some dysplasia I see.”
“Yep.” The same thing that I just told the nurse. Did they not share notes?
She sat on the wheeled stool. “Did the nurse explain what we are going to do today?”
“Um, no, ma’am. She just gave me some pamphlet on HPV and told me to drop trou.”
Dr. Rodriguez nodded. “Okay, let me explain. We’re going to do a procedure called a colposcopy. I’m going to put your legs in these stirrups and then examine your vulva. After that I’m going to put some acetic acid on your cervix. If any area turns white, I’ll be taking samples for biopsy.” She smiled and pulled a few instruments out of the drawer behind her. “Now, do you have any questions before we get started?”
I squeezed my eyes shut and then opened them again, willing the tears not to escape. This was a lot to take in. Acid. Biopsies. Sexually transmitted infections. I felt like I had just been hit by a truck and now was expected to learn to walk right after. “Is it going to hurt?” My voice came out shaky.
Dr. Rodriguez put her instruments on a small, metal table near the exam table. “It does burn a little, but I do numb the area before I begin. I’d recommend that you abstain from any sexual activity for a few days after and you may bleed lightly.”
No way I was going to be having sex with anyone anytime soon. I wouldn’t have been surprised if John had already left.
“Okay.”
Burning was an understatement and so was the so-called numbing cream. It felt like my lady bits were on fire. I nipped down on my lip, trying not to cry through the entire process, especially when she literally had to cut parts of my cervix for biopsy. By the time it was over I had giant, crescent moon shaped indents in my palms from holding my fists so tight.
I laid back, pretending I was somewhere else until there was a small amount of pressure and then the instruments were out of me. Dr. Rodriguez reached for my hand and helped me to a sitting position. “Okay, Melanie, I’m going to send these samples to the lab and we should have the results back early next week. If you could make an appointment to see me as early as Wednesday, we can discuss the results.”
I nodded, my throat feeling like I lost all moisture.
“Do you have any other questions?”
I had a million, but it felt like my voice was caught in my throat, so I just shook my head. Too much emotion for one day.
She patted my knee and stood. “Everything will be fine, Melanie. I’ll see you next week.”
Chapter 9
At the checkout desk I made an appointment for the following Wednesday. I didn’t even think how I would get there, my mind was on auto pilot and I was trying not to walk like a cowboy, still feeling worse than when I lost my virginity.
When I opened the door to the waiting room John jumped out of his seat. “You’re alive!”
A few ladies shot him some evil looks and I ushered him out the door to keep him from saying anything else.
“So? How’d it go? What’d they say? What’s our next step?”
I stopped in the middle of the tunnel and turned to face John. His eyes were wide and he blinked slowly. “Well?”
I let out a deep breath that I didn’t know I was holding in and let my shoulders slump. “She did this thing called a colposcopy.”
“Up your butt?”
An elderly couple glared at John as they walked by us.
I shook my head. Too emotionally drained to even think about rolling my eyes. “No, that’s a colonoscopy. This was a thing in which she took samples of my cervix and sent them to the lab to be looked at. I made an appointment for next Wednesday to discuss the results.”
