The Unwanted

Chapter Eight

The feel of the nightmares was one Destin was used to. There were some that would cling to her, like a spider’s web, and she’d be struggling with the fibers of it all day, plucking useful threads from it and discarding everything else.

Other dreams would cling to her…but there would be nothing useful. They were dark and terrible and unwelcome, but she remembered nothing of those.

They were the ones she hated the most because she had to suffer the darkness, the pain, the fear…all for nothing.

The terror was choking. Cloying and thick, and the pain was unending. Laughter surrounded her and she knew the sound of that laughter, knew it as well as she knew her own name.

But even as she tried to grasp the threads of the dream, hold them together, they fell apart. This wasn’t one of those dreams that she’d been able to save. It would just linger in the depths of her mind, tormenting her, but never showing its true face. Like so many others.

The slow, terrible slide into wakefulness couldn’t be rushed. Bit by bit, the dream faded into nothingness, while the echo of that laughter danced in her mind.

Bit by bit, the memory of pain retreated. Pain that wracked her, everywhere. Forgotten tears dried, and her chest, aching from the sobs, eased as she was able to draw a deep, easier breath.

Gone…the dream was gone.

For now.

And then awareness slammed into her.

Warm arms held her. Against her cheek, she could hear the steady beat of a heart. And even as she tensed and started to process what was happening, Caleb stroked a hand up her back and curved it over her neck.

“You fell asleep in the car. I carried you inside and was going to leave you in here to sleep it off but the nightmares had already started.” He nuzzled her temple, his lips soft, gentle…breaking her heart. “I couldn’t leave you alone.”

“Why not? You did it five years ago easy enough.” The question tumbled out of her before she could stop it. Immediately, she wanted to kick herself. “Never mind. Forget I said that.” She untangled her arms and legs from him.

Or at least she tried.

Caleb switched their positions and instead of laying sprawled half on top of him, he was lying on top of her, his hips caught in the cradle of hers and she could feel the massive wall of his chest crushing against her breasts. Her breath caught and her heart settled into a mad gallop that would have done any horse running in the Kentucky Derby proud.

“Easy,” he murmured, reaching up and splaying a hand over her cheek. “You think it was an easy thing to leave you.”

The heat that had started to uncurl through her belly went icy. Pain slashed through her heart and she stared up into his brown eyes, recalling the way he had watched her, so unaffected, so untouched, before he’d turned away and walked out of her life five years ago.

“Yes.” She swallowed the knot in her throat even as her brain screamed at her not to say anything else. Let it go…just let it go… But her brain was saying one thing and she heard herself doing the exact opposite. “I mean, you tell me you were waiting for me to ask you to stay, but all I saw was you walking out the door and it looked like you didn’t have any trouble at all doing it.”

She forced herself to smile despite the pain that threatened to tear her apart.

“Walking away was the hardest thing I’d ever done in my life.” He stared at her, and the look on his face wasn’t all that much different than the one he’d worn the day he walked.

He dipped his head and pressed his brow to hers, his voice low and rough as he said, “I had my reasons for doing it, and if the situation was the same, it might kill me, but I’d probably have to make the same choice. But I didn’t do it because I wanted to. The only thing I ever wanted was what I left behind that day.”

And then he did something unexpected…he lowered the solid, rock-hard shields he never went without.

The emotion that crashed into her was like waves slamming into the rocks during a storm. She tried to suck in a breath, but the intensity of it left her battered, left her shattered.

Pain. Need. Emptiness.

Just like what she’d been living with.

His hand stroked up over her arm, curved around to cup her nape as he slid his lips down her cheek. “I never wanted to walk away…but I didn’t have a choice at the time, Destin.”

The ache in her chest was going to kill her. She wanted to ask him what in the hell he was talking about. But then he shifted over and his mouth covered hers. Talking, thinking, all of it came to a crashing halt. Hell, even breathing became difficult as his tongue stroked along her lips and pushed inside.

She tried to turn her head aside, desperate to think, desperate to find steady ground just so she could settle herself. “Caleb, damn it, wait…”

“Why?” Undeterred, he shifted his attention to her neck and she groaned as his teeth scraped across sensitive flesh.

Squeezing her eyes closed, she thought of the first thing that came to mind. “Morning breath. I should brush my teeth.”

He laughed against her ear. “Destin…if you want me to stop, just say stop. If not…quit making excuses.”

Turning her head, she stared up at him. Five years ago, the golden brown of his hair would have fallen into his eyes. Now, nothing was there to soften the impact of that dark, liquid gaze and she felt it clear down to her soul. “If I want you to stop, you’ll stop,” she whispered, bracing her hands on his shoulders.

She could feel the power of solid, sturdy muscle under her hands and her body cried out for him. She’d missed him. A few times, she’d tried to find somebody to fill the void he’d left but it had never worked. Three lovers. One of them had been good too. The others…they’d left her cold.

And come morning, she’d been cold any way.

If you want me to stop…

Watching the carved lines of his face, that familiar face, she smoothed her hands along his shoulders, feeling the cotton of his shirt under her palms. A muscle jerked in his jaw. “Destin…”

“Don’t stop.” She curled her arms around his neck and tugged him down to her. She’d regret this later. When she had time to think, she knew she’d regret this. But just then, if she pushed him away, the only thing she’d regret was not reaching for this moment.

Just like she had to live with the regret of not reaching for him as he walked away from her five years ago.

She’d rather live with the pain of heartbreak than the bitterness of regret.

He curved his hand along the back of her head, his thumb stroking the sensitive spot just behind her ear. “Be sure, Destin…are you very sure?”

“Yes. You’ll just have to deal with the morning breath.”

He laughed as he lowered his head and pressed his lips to hers. “I’m willing to risk it if you are.”

Heat blistered through her as he slid his other hand under her shirt, stroking higher and higher, dragging the material with him as he sought her skin out. “Too many clothes.”

“Yeah.” He pushed up onto his knees, straddling her hips as he caught her shirt and stripped it away. Her bra followed. “Naked, Destin. Need you naked.”

She reached for him, wanting the very same thing, but he evaded her hands as he reached for the buckle of her belt and freed it. In seconds, he had her naked while he still wore everything. It was something Destin really needed to do something about except when she went to sit up and do just that, he shifted down and settled between her thighs.

As he caught her hips in his big hands, Destin thought she heard little mini-explosions firing off in her brain.