Angel Fever

“You’re planning to go face your father. In your case, I think it’s the same thing.”

That one was kind of hard to argue with. “Look, this is just something I have to do, all right?” I said. “I’m not going to let Raziel destroy my hometown.”

“I know.” Seb’s voice was quiet. “I’m not trying to talk you out of it.”

And he wasn’t, I realized in surprise. I don’t actually want to die, you know, I thought of telling him…but despite my moment of peace as I’d gazed out over the plains, I wasn’t totally sure that was true. Disturbed, I crossed my arms over my chest.

As if in reply, Seb’s gaze went to my hair. “Very pretty,” he said dryly. I could tell he knew exactly why I’d done it.

I gave him a look. “So anyway, thanks for coming, but I’m fine on my own.”

Seb’s eyes flashed. “You haven’t been listening to a word I say, have you? Please, tell me: are you trying to drive me crazy?”

“Since you ask, no. This doesn’t actually have anything to do with you at all.”

Deceptively calm, he said, “No, of course not. Because I’m just some guy you barely know, yes? Someone you used to teach a class with. Why should I care if you die? Go, do it, have fun.” His jaw tightened. “Dios mio, Willow. You are the most infuriating, blind—” He broke off, then lapsed into a string of rapid Spanish. I had a feeling that I didn’t want a translation.

He slumped against his chair, frowning; a silence fell that crackled with unspoken words. I started to snap something back – and then hesitated.

For the first time, I noticed that I wasn’t the only one who’d changed these past twelve months. Seb’s stubbled face looked older too – and like my eyes, his hazel ones held a year’s worth of pain. Maybe even more.

It stopped me in my tracks. I cleared my throat and looked away. “Well…I guess we’d better get going, then,” I said after a pause. I stood up and grabbed my parka. “I mean, since you’re so determined. We’ve still got a long way to go.”

Seb’s eyes flicked to mine. He shook his head. “I was right,” he said, unfolding his long legs from the chair. “You are trying to drive me crazy. And you do it very well.”

Outside was the 4 ? 4 that we’d taken from the base, parked at a skewed slant next to mine. By unspoken agreement, we were taking my truck. I clicked it open, and Seb started shifting his things over.

He didn’t have much. As he tossed a length of garden hose into the back, I realized he must have been siphoning gas from abandoned cars: not a fun way to cross the country. Not to mention that I knew he wasn’t an experienced driver. Guilt touched me, remembering how I’d deliberately taken a different road than he’d expect. Deep down, I guess I’d always known Seb would do this.

When we got into the truck, I put the keys in the ignition and then just sat there for a second, running my hands over the wheel. “Seb, I’m sorry,” I said finally. “Kara asked me to leave without saying anything, so I did. But I should have sent my angel back to tell you.”

He glanced at me, his expression unreadable.

“I promise that I didn’t just…leave without thinking what it would be like for you,” I went on haltingly. “I did think about it, and…it made me feel really sad. I guess that’s why I told myself you’d go to Idaho. I didn’t like to think…” I couldn’t finish.

Seb rubbed his stubble with a thumb. “Forget it – it doesn’t matter,” he said finally, sounding tired. “I needed to practise my psychic skills anyway. What better way than to follow you across three states?”

It was tempting to just smile and start the truck, but I knew that more needed to be said. I cleared my throat. “There’s, um…something else I need to apologize for. This whole last year, the way I’ve treated you…”

He went very still.

“It wasn’t anything you did wrong, okay? It was because…” My cheeks were bright red. Haltingly, I explained my flash of jealousy when I’d seen him kiss Meghan at the party, so long ago now. “I hated remembering it,” I finished. “Whenever I did, it – it felt as if I’d betrayed Alex.”

Seb’s voice was quiet. “I knew you were jealous that night,” he said. “And I also knew it meant nothing; it was like…you were a child and someone had taken away your candy that you weren’t eating.”

I winced, but that was pretty accurate. “Anyway, I’m sorry,” I said. “For all of it.”

Seb hesitated. “I think you should forget how you felt, Willow – it didn’t mean anything. It was just…” He shrugged; his tone took on a hint of teasing. “For so long, you must have thought I was your private property, yes? Whether you wanted me or not?”

I felt infinite gratitude for Seb’s kindness, when he had every right to hate me. Is it too late to take you up on the brother thing? I wanted to ask. “Thank you for the stone with the angel on it,” I said instead, after a moment. “It’s beautiful. It’s in my jeans pocket right now.”

“De nada.” Seb’s eyes had turned slightly troubled as he studied me – and all at once I remembered that I was the reason he and Meghan had broken up. I looked away and started the engine.

“So, you get to be the navigator,” I said, deliberately cheerful as I leaned over to pluck the atlas from the footwell and tossed it on his lap. I started the engine. “And that’s Timmy. Say hi to Timmy.”

Seb raised an eyebrow at the laminated photo. “Hola, Timmy –?que hay? I think you’ve been alone too long,” he added as he opened the atlas.

And despite everything, suddenly I was grinning. “Hey, that’s nothing,” I said as I steered us out of the parking lot. “Just wait until you hear my singing repertoire.”

22

ALMOST IMMEDIATELY, SEB AND I fell into a routine that felt comforting in its sameness: meals of canned food snatched between hours on the road. And for the first time in over a year, we talked a lot. Or at least, we joked and bantered.

“Did I tell you about when I went to visit my ranchero grandfather?” Seb would ask solemnly as we travelled down a remote road.

He’d never known any of his family, apart from his mother. “No, I don’t think you did,” I’d answer, just as deadpan. “The one who used to be a gondolier, right?”

“Yes, and he missed Venice, so he dug canals all around his ranch. He’d go out in a home-made gondola and sing opera. It used to frighten the cattle. My grandmother would beg him to stop in case they stampeded.”

He was being very guarded with his emotions – I couldn’t tell what he was really thinking. But I was as happy as he was to avoid discussing anything serious, because whatever waited ahead in Pawntucket was feeling darker with every mile.

I knew Seb must have sensed it too, but we didn’t mention it. He made me laugh, despite my worry…and despite a wistfulness that grew in me as the days passed. Seb’s presence was so completely male. Having him there made me remember all the times I’d driven with Alex – being able to just lean against his shoulder, feel him put his arm around me.

Will I ever fall in love again? I wondered suddenly. We’d veered slightly north up into South Dakota by that point, to avoid the wheat farmers who were just as much in Raziel’s sway as the cattlemen. Frosty fields and clusters of bare-branched trees surrounded us.

My next thought made me sad. Will I even get the chance? I missed Alex and always would, but I missed just being with someone too. Careless touches. Being held.

Seb had gone quiet. When I glanced over, he was watching me, one sneaker propped on the dash. “Your turn,” he said, his voice casual. “Is there a rule about taking too long? I think this means I should win.”

“You wish,” I said automatically. Had Seb caught any of that? “Okay, got it,” I said after a pause. “The minister’s cat is an ambidextrous, bald, cunning, delightful, easy-going, fat, garrulous