Once We Were

wanting to make sure we were up in time to sneak out. With our adrenaline gone, the lack of sleep dragged at our limbs.

Addie sighed. <So, what do we do now? What do we do today?>

<Same as we do every other day, I guess.>

Kitty and Nina spent most of their time curled up in front of the TV, watching whatever was on: Saturday- morning cartoons, daytime soap operas, afternoon news reports, even late-night talk shows when they couldn’t sleep. Hally and Lissa stared out the windows, listening to the music thumping from car radios.

Ryan filled his days with making stuff. Trinkets, mostly, pieced together using tools he borrowed from Henri or Emalia. Emalia was no longer surprised to come home to a salt-and-pepper shaker that rotated between the two at a press of a button, or some other vaguely useful invention.

And Addie—Addie had started drawing again. She sketched Kitty on the sofa, capturing the soft snub of her nose, the wide, brown eyes. She caught the glint of light on Hally’s glasses, spent an hour perfecting the way Hally’s curls fell, some in lazy almost-ringlets, others barely more than a dark wave.

It was nice to have Addie drawing again. But after so many days, we were all going stir-crazy.

“Oh!” came a voice behind us. It was Emalia, draped in a pink cardigan and a cream-colored blouse. She looked as soft and pastel as the dawn. Her smile was flustered. “I didn’t know you’d gotten up . . .”

She didn’t ask, but the question hung between us: Addie? Or Eva?

“Addie,” Addie said when I took too long to answer. By then, of course, it was. She climbed to our feet and surreptitiously stepped on the back of our heels, kicking our shoes under the couch. Addie had a thoughtless ease with our body I still didn’t.

“You’re up early,” Emalia said. “Something wrong?”

“No.” Addie shrugged. “I just woke up and couldn’t fall asleep again.”

Emalia crossed to the kitchen, which was separated from the living room by only a stretch of counter. “It’s these city noises. They take a while to get used to. When I first moved here, I couldn’t get a good night’s sleep for weeks.” She gestured questioningly toward the coffee machine, but Addie shook our head.

Emalia had a bit of a caffeine addiction, but maybe that was to be expected with everything she had to do: hold down her regular job, take care of us, and complete her work for the Underground. She was the one who had forged our new documents, printing birth certificates for people who’d never been born, casting our faces onto lives we’d never lived.

I associated her now with the heavy, bittersweet smell of coffee. Even the first time we’d seen Emalia, her hair had reminded us of steam—cappuccino-colored steam curling against her pale cheeks, reaching just under her chin.

“You’re up early, too,” Addie said.

“I’m headed to the airport today. Peter’s flight arrives in a few hours.”

“No one told us Peter was back.” The words came out sharper than I’d expected. Sharper, perhaps, than Addie had intended.

Emalia’s hands stilled. “Well, it—it was a bit unanticipated. Something’s come up, so he caught an earlier flight. I’m sorry. I didn’t realize you’d want to know.”

“I do,” Addie said, too quickly. “But it’s okay. I mean—”

“Okay, in the future I’ll—” Emalia said.

The two of them looked at each other awkwardly.

“Kitty showed me your new drawing yesterday.” The thin, golden bracelets on Emalia’s wrists clinked as she reached for the cereal box. “It was lovely. You’re such a fantastic artist, Addie.”

Addie pinned a smile to our lips. “Thanks.”

Emalia was always complimenting us like this. Your hair looks so pretty in a bun, she’d say, or You’ve got such lovely eyes. Each of Addie’s sketches, even the doodles she drew for Kitty’s amusement, got a verbal round of applause.

In return, we tried to compliment Emalia, too. It wasn’t hard or anything. She wore delicate, pale-gold sandals and faded pink blouses. She always found the most interesting places to order food from, coming home with white Styrofoam boxes from all over the city. But our conversations with Emalia never got beyond that. We spoke in a language of comments on the weather, polite greetings, and slight smiles, all underlaid with a sense of Not Quite Knowing What to Do.

Emalia had only fostered one other escaped hybrid before, a twelve-year-old girl who stayed three weeks before Peter found her a more permanent family down south. Emalia herself was in her midtwenties. She and Sophie had managed to remain hidden all these years, escaping institutionalization. They and Peter had connected mostly by chance.

Maybe that was why Emalia acted as if she didn’t know how to handle us. As if, poked too hard, we might break.

Addie leaned against the counter. “When’s the meeting going to be?”

“With Peter? Tomorrow night. Why?”

“I want to go.”

Emalia tipped some cereal into a bowl, her smile hesitant. “It’s going to be at Peter’s apartment, Addie. Like usual.”

“That’s barely a five-minute walk.”

“You aren’t supposed to be—”

“It’ll be nighttime. No one would see us.” Addie fixed the woman with our stare. “Emalia, I need to talk with him. I want to know what’s going on.”

Nornand’s hybrid wing had shut down, but its patients had been shipped elsewhere instead of being set free. Peter had promised we’d work to rescue them. But if anything had been done, Addie and I hadn’t been told.

“I’ll tell you whatever you want to know,” Emalia said, “and I’m sure Peter will drop by here at some point.”

“It’s a five-minute walk,” Addie repeated. “A five-minute walk in the dark.”

The coffee machine beeped. Emalia hurried toward it. “I’ll ask Peter when I see him. How about that? I’ll tell him you want very badly to go, and we’ll see what he says.”

<She’s only trying to shut us up> I said, and I knew Addie agreed.

Aloud, though, she just murmured, “Okay.”

“Okay.” Emalia smiled and nodded at the pot of coffee. The smell, usually heady and comforting, now made us feel slightly sick. “You sure you don’t want just a little bit? It’s nice to have something hot when the morning’s chilly.”

Addie shook her head and turned away.

It was chilly outside. We weren’t going to be outside.

THREE

Addie and I were back in bed, curled against a pillow, when Emalia left for the airport. We hovered between wakefulness and dreams, the corners of the world worn soft.

The knock at the front door split us from sleep. Addie startled upright, automatically checking on Kitty and Nina. They were still asleep, huddled beneath their blanket so far we could just barely see their eyes.

The knock came again. I caught the glint of red light on the nightstand, where Addie had tossed our chip before collapsing into bed. It glowed steadily now, an indication its twin was near.

<It’s just Ryan> I whispered.

We had to be calm. We couldn’t keep jumping like this, fearing every knock at the door was someone coming to snatch us away.

I didn’t have to ask Addie to ease control to me. I took charge of our limbs as she let them go, hurrying into the living room and opening the front door.

The morning sunlight caught Ryan’s skin, giving it a glow like burnished gold. His dark curls stuck up in ways