shot in the head. And you think I’m scaring him?’
‘Fin,’ she pleads. ‘We’ve talked about this. You know there’s nothing I can do—’
‘I’m not staying with you. And you have to let Max decide whether he’s going to or not.’
She looks at my brother. He swallows, wiping at his tears with the back of his hands.
‘I want to go with Fin.’
‘No, no, no, no. You’re coming with me, both of you.’ She clutches at Max’s hands.
‘Mum, no. We’re not.’ I ignore the tears tracking down my cheeks. I put a hand on Max’s shoulder.
‘I want to go with Fin.’
‘You can’t. Fin, please. Please.’
‘Do you really think this is what’s best for us? You know it’s not.’
She covers her mouth, closing her eyes. I step toward her and kiss her on the cheek. She wraps her arms around me and then Max. She holds onto us with a grip I have never felt before. She lets out a wail, an animal sound that feels like it could split my chest apart. Someone else comes into the room, tries to steady her as her legs give way and she crumples to the floor, her whole body is shuddering with sobs.
I crouch next to her and she gathers Max and I to her chest again. She presses her nose into our hair. She holds us there for the longest time.
We begin rolling our bedding into tight bundles, selecting what will be left behind. It will be harder to fit everything in the car with one extra person.
Matt sits on the floor, arms wrapped around his legs. He nods when I tell him we are going.
‘You’re coming with us,’ I say.
‘Nah, really, it’s okay.’
‘You’re coming with us.’
Matt reckons the only place we’re going to find any petrol is in the tank of an army truck. He changes into his uniform, tells the rest of us to wear as much black as possible.
‘No Swannies beanie, then?’ Max says. I don’t think Matt gets it.
I use my best negotiating skills to try to convince Max to stay behind. But short of physically tying him to a concrete pillar, it’s impossible.
‘You do what you’re told, yeah?’ I warn him.
‘I think you’ll be surprised how useful I can be on this operation,’ he counters.
‘Just don’t be a dickhead, Max.’
Noll and Matt come with me to collect the hose pipe, torches and a crowbar from the car. I open the boot and Matt takes out his assault rifle, slings it across his back. Then I open the front door, take the handgun from under the passenger seat and tuck it into my jeans.
‘Haven’t we already been through this?’ says Noll.
I sigh, hand him the gun. ‘What are you going to do with it, anyway? Throw it at someone?’
‘My granddad had a farm. He taught me how to shoot.’
I raise an eyebrow.
‘Asians can have farms too, you know.’
‘I’m more worried about the fact he taught you to shoot with a handgun.’
‘Okay, so it was a rifle. Same principle. And I’ve still got more experience than you.’
‘Whatevs.’
Noll tucks the gun into his belt.
We leave the car park and enter the street wordlessly, like a flock of mourners from a graveyard. The moonless sky is a black void above us. We have two torches and we follow their tentative beams through the dark, empty streets. We pass beneath the looming multi-storey apartment blocks, between clusters of townhouses. Matt says the last time he was out here a small military station was set up in a big park a few blocks east. We follow him through a lifeless intersection and along a row of abandoned shopfronts. Lucy is beside me, Max next to her and up ahead, Noll follows a metre behind Matt. We walk in silence and approach another intersection. I step out on to the road and see the pool of ice next to the kerb a moment too late to warn Lucy. She steps right on it and, with a yelp, her legs slide from beneath her and she is on the ground.
‘Luce? Shit. Are you okay?’
She grimaces, grips her left ankle, the same one that was hurt during the riot. She takes my arm and tries to stand. Fails. She kicks at the ground with her heel in frustration. Max and I help her to her feet, Max enjoying the process a bit too much for my liking. Lucy tries to take a step and I can feel her tense up with the pain.
‘Go. Get fuel. I’ll wait here.’
‘I don’t think so.’ I look toward Noll and Matt. ‘I’ll have to help her back.’
‘Absolutely,’ says Noll.
‘No. No. I’m fine. You go.’
‘As if, Luce. C’mon.’ She can barely put weight on her leg. I bring her arm over my shoulder and hold her waist firmly.
‘Max,’ I say. ‘You have to do exactly as Matt and Noll tell you, yeah?’
Max nods, taking the hose pipe from me.
‘You got him?’ I ask Noll.
‘Definitely.’
‘All good,’ Matt says. ‘You take her back.’
Lucy and I turn and hobble our way back along the street. I take a look back over my shoulder and see the three of them, Matt, Noll and Max, walking into the darkness. No more than shadows.
All our things are packed, so I sit Lucy in the car. Rosa brings a box for her to prop her foot up on.
‘I’m so sorry,’ Lucy says. ‘This is so pathetic. It really does hurt. I’m not just being a sooky girl. You know that, don’t you?’
‘Luce, this just gives me a chance to get back a bit of dignity.’
I dig a blanket out of the boot and put it under her heel. We sit in the car and wait. Rosa fusses over Lucy, brings us cups of hot tea. Then I hear the slap of feet on bitumen as someone comes bolting down the ramp into the car park. I look up and when I see him there are no words to describe the sound that comes from me.
Max’s hands are bloody. It’s smeared on his face and all over his clothes. His jeans are soaked through as if he’s been kneeling in the snow.
‘What happened?’ I pull open his jacket and look over him. His jumper is soaked crimson. ‘Where are you hurt? WHERE ARE YOU HURT? Fuck. FUCK.’
He shakes his head, pulling his jacket closed. Rosa is hysterical, shrieking. I actually push her out of the way. Some people come over to see what is going on; one of them brings a blanket, wraps it around Max, saying something about shock. I pull off Max’s beanie and tilt his head forward, back, side to side. There doesn’t seem to be any cuts. He’s looking at me like his eyes aren’t quite focused, like he can’t see me properly.
‘What’s happened? Where are Noll and Matt? Max, talk to me.’
Lucy is next to us, God knows how she got there. It’s only when she tells me to try to calm down that I realise I have been shouting. By the time we get Max to the car there is a small crowd of people gathered around us.
‘Where are they, Max? Just tell us where they are.’
When I was ten, I left my bike in the rain. The wheel spokes turned orange-brown with rust. It got on my hands, it got on my clothes.
The snow that Matt and Noll lie on is the same colour. There is an army truck a few metres away, the driver’s door is open. Next to it is the dark shape of a body on the ground. Someone has covered Matt’s face with a towel and from the bloom of colour around his head I know there is no point looking under it. I go to Noll. His eyes are open, staring up into the sky. I kneel on the snow beside him. He is so still I think he is already gone, but
