lying asphyxicated in a smoke-filled chamber several miles beneath the ground. It is one of those curious things that is impossible to explain or define, but one can sense when a ship is completely dead.
Ford could sense it and found it most mysterious – a ship and two policemen seemed to have gone spontaneously dead. In his experience the Universe simply didn't work like that.
The other three could sense it too, but they could sense the bitter cold even more and hurried back into the Heart of Gold suffering from an acute attack of no curiosity.
Ford stayed, and went to examine the Blagulon ship. As he walked, he nearly tripped over an inert steel figure lying face down in the cold dust.
“Marvin!” he exclaimed. “What are you doing?”
“Don't feel you have to take any notice of me, please,” came a muffled drone.
“But how are you, metalman?” said Ford.
“Very depressed.”
“What's up?”
“I don't know,” said Marvin, “I've never been there.”
“Why,” said Ford squatting down beside him and shivering, “are you lying face down in the dust?”
“It's a very effective way of being wretched,” said Marvin. “Don't pretend you want to talk to me, I know you hate me.”
“No I don't.”
“Yes you do, everybody does. It's part of the shape of the Universe. I only have to talk to somebody and they begin to hate me. Even robots hate me. If you just ignore me I expect I shall probably go away.”
He jacked himself up to his feet and stood resolutely facing the opposite direction.
“That ship hated me,” he said dejectedly, indicating the policecraft.
“That ship?” said Ford in sudden excitement. “What happened to it? Do you know?”
“It hated me because I talked to it.”
“You talked to it?” exclaimed Ford. “What do you mean you talked to it?”
“Simple. I got very bored and depressed, so I went and plugged myself in to its external computer feed. I talked to the computer at great length and explained my view of the Universe to it,” said Marvin.
“And what happened?” pressed Ford.
“It committed suicide,” said Marvin and stalked off back to the Heart of Gold.
35
That night, as the Heart of Gold was busy putting a few light years between itself and the Horsehead Nebula, Zaphod lounged under the small palm tree on the bridge trying to bang his brain into shape with massive Pan Galactic Gargle Blasters; Ford and Trillian sat in a corner discussing life and matters arising from it; and Arthur took to his bed to flip through Ford's copy of The Hitch Hiker's Guide to the Galaxy. Since he was going to live in the place, he reasoned, he'd better start finding out something about it.
He came across this entry.
It said: 'The History of every major Galactic Civilization tends to pass through three distinct and recognizable phases, those of Survival, Inquiry and Sophistication, otherwise known as the How, Why and Where phases.
“For instance, the first phase is characterized by the question How can we eat? the second by the question Why do we eat? and the third by the question Where shall we have lunch?”
He got no further before the ship's intercom buzzed into life.
“Hey Earthman? You hungry kid?” said Zaphod's voice.
“Er, well yes, a little peckish I suppose,” said Arthur.
“OK baby, hold tight,” said Zaphod. “We'll take in a quick bite at the Restaurant at the End of the Universe.”
