'There is truth and justice somewhere in the case, Esther-'
'Or was once, long ago,' said I.
'Is-is-must be somewhere,' pursued Richard impetuously, 'and must be brought out. To allow Ada to be made a bribe and hush-money of is not the way to bring it out. You say the suit is changing me;
John Jarndyce says it changes, has changed, and will change everybody who has any share in it. Then the greater right I have on my side when I resolve to do all I can to bring it to an end.'
'All you can, Richard! Do you think that in these many years no others have done all they could? Has the difficulty grown easier because of so many failures?'
'It can't last for ever,' returned Richard with a fierceness kindling in him which again presented to me that last sad reminder.
'I am young and earnest, and energy and determination have done wonders many a time. Others have only half thrown themselves into it. I devote myself to it. I make it the object of my life.'
'Oh, Richard, my dear, so much the worse, so much the worse!'
'No, no, no, don't you be afraid for me,' he returned affectionately. 'You're a dear, good, wise, quiet, blessed girl; but you have your prepossessions. So I come round to John Jarndyce. I tell you, my good Esther, when he and I were on those terms which he found so convenient, we were not on natural terms.'
'Are division and animosity your natural terms, Richard?'
'No, I don't say that. I mean that all this business puts us on unnatural terms, with which natural relations are incompatible.
See another reason for urging it on! I may find out when it's over that I have been mistaken in John Jarndyce. My head may be clearer when I am free of it, and I may then agree with what you say today. Very well. Then I shall acknowledge it and make him reparation.'
Everything postponed to that imaginary time! Everything held in confusion and indecision until then!
'Now, my best of confidantes,' said Richard, 'I want my cousin Ada to understand that I am not captious, fickle, and wilful about John Jarndyce, but that I have this purpose and reason at my back. I wish to represent myself to her through you, because she has a great esteem and respect for her cousin John; and I know you will soften the course I take, even though you disapprove of it; and-and in short,' said Richard, who had been hesitating through these words, 'I-I don't like to represent myself in this litigious, contentious, doubting character to a confiding girl like Ada.'
I told him that he was more like himself in those latter words than in anything he had said yet.
'Why,' acknowledged Richard, 'that may be true enough, my love. I rather feel it to be so. But I shall be able to give myself fairplay by and by. I shall come all right again, then, don't you be afraid.'
I asked him if this were all he wished me to tell Ada.
'Not quite,' said Richard. 'I am bound not to withhold from her that John Jarndyce answered my letter in his usual manner, addressing me as 'My dear Rick,' trying to argue me out of my opinions, and telling me that they should make no difference in him. (All very well of course, but not altering the case.) I also want Ada to know that if I see her seldom just now, I am looking after her interests as well as my own-we two being in the same boat exactly-and that I hope she will not suppose from any flying rumours she may hear that I am at all light-headed or imprudent; on the contrary, I am always looking forward to the termination of the suit, and always planning in that direction. Being of age now and having taken the step I have taken, I consider myself free from any accountability to John Jarndyce; but Ada being still a ward of the court, I don't yet ask her to renew our engagement. When she is free to act for herself, I shall be myself once more and we shall both be in very different worldly circumstances, I believe. If you tell her all this with the advantage of your considerate way, you will do me a very great and a very kind service, my dear Esther; and I shall knock Jarndyce and Jarndyce on the head with greater vigour. Of course I ask for no secrecy at Bleak House.'
'Richard,' said I, 'you place great confidence in me, but I fear you will not take advice from me?'
'It's impossible that I can on this subject, my dear girl. On any other, readily.'
As if there were any other in his life! As if his whole career and character were not being dyed one colour!
'But I may ask you a question, Richard?'
'I think so,' said he, laughing. 'I don't know who may not, if you may not.'
'You say, yourself, you are not leading a very settled life.'
'How can I, my dear Esther, with nothing settled!'
'Are you in debt again?'
'Why, of course I am,' said Richard, astonished at my simplicity.
'Is it of course?'
'My dear child, certainly. I can't throw myself into an object so completely without expense. You forget, or perhaps you don't know, that under either of the wills Ada and I take something. It's only a question between the larger sum and the smaller. I shall be within the mark any way. Bless your heart, my excellent girl,' said Richard, quite amused with me, 'I shall be all right! I shall pull through, my dear!'
I felt so deeply sensible of the danger in which he stood that I tried, in Ada's name, in my guardian's, in my own, by every fervent means that I could think of, to warn him of it and to show him some of his mistakes. He received everything I said with patience and gentleness, but it all rebounded from him without taking the least effect. I could not wonder at this after the reception his preoccupied mind had given to my guardian's letter, but I determined to try Ada's influence yet.
So when our walk brought us round to the village again, and I went home to breakfast, I prepared Ada for the account I was going to give her and told her exactly what reason we had to dread that Richard was losing himself and scattering his whole life to the winds. It made her very unhappy, of course, though she had a far, far greater reliance on his correcting his errors than I could have-which was so natural and loving in my dear!-and she presently wrote him this little letter:
My dearest cousin,
Esther has told me all you said to her this morning. I write this to repeat most earnestly for myself all that she said to you and to let you know how sure I am that you will sooner or later find our cousin John a pattern of truth, sincerity, and goodness, when you will deeply, deeply grieve to have done him (without intending it) so much wrong.
I do not quite know how to write what I wish to say next, but I trust you will understand it as I mean it. I have some fears, my dearest cousin, that it may be partly for my sake you are now laying up so much unhappiness for yourself-and if for yourself, for me. In case this should be so, or in case you should entertain much thought of me in what you are doing, I most earnestly entreat and beg you to desist. You can do nothing for my sake that will make me half so happy as for ever turning your back upon the shadow in which we both were born. Do not be angry with me for saying this. Pray, pray, dear Richard, for my sake, and for your own, and in a natural repugnance for that source of trouble which had its share in making us both orphans when we were very young, pray, pray, let it go for ever. We have reason to know by this time that there is no good in it and no hope, that there is nothing to be got from it but sorrow.
My dearest cousin, it is needless for me to say that you are quite free and that it is very likely you may find some one whom you will love much better than your first fancy. I am quite sure, if you will let me say so, that the object of your choice would greatly prefer to follow your fortunes far and wide, however moderate or poor, and see you happy, doing your duty and pursuing your chosen way, than to have the hope of being, or even to be, very rich with you (if such a thing were possible) at the cost of dragging years of procrastination and anxiety and of your indifference to other aims. You may wonder at my saying this so confidently with so little knowledge or experience, but I know it for a certainty from my own heart.
Ever, my dearest cousin, your most affectionate Ada
This note brought Richard to us very soon, but it made little change in him if any. We would fairly try, he said, who was right and who was wrong-he would show us-we should see! He was animated and glowing, as if Ada's tenderness had gratified him; but I could only hope, with a sigh, that the letter might have some stronger effect upon his mind on re-perusal than it assuredly had then.
As they were to remain with us that day and had taken their places to return by the coach next morning, I
