Can You Keep A Secret?

I stare at her.

'Katie, you're not telling me you actually painted the room.'

'Well… yes.' She looks at me with huge blue eyes. 'You know, to help out. But now I'm

starting to think… is he just using me?'

I'm almost speechless with disbelief.

'Katie, of course he's using you,' I manage at last. 'He wants a free painter-decorator! You

have to chuck him. Immediately. Now!'

Katie is silent for a few seconds, and I eye her a bit nervously. Her face is blank, but I can tell

lots of things are going on beneath the surface. It's a bit like when Jaws disappears underneath

the rippling water, and you just know that any minute-

'Oh God, you're right!' she suddenly bursts out. 'You're right. He's been using me! It's my own

fault. I should have realized when he asked me if I had any experience in plumbing or

roofing.'

'When did he ask you that?' I say incredulously.

'On our first date! I thought he was just, you know, making conversation.'

'Katie, it's not your fault.' I squeeze her arm. 'You weren't to know.'

'But what is it about me?' Katie stops still in the street. 'Why do I only attract complete shits?'

'You don't!'

'I do! Look at the men I've been out with.' She starts counting off on her fingers. 'Daniel

borrowed all that money off me and disappeared to Mexico. Gary chucked me as soon as I

found him a job. David was two-timing me. Do you see a pattern emerging?'

'I… um…' I say helplessly. 'Possibly…'

'I just think I should give up.' Her face falls. 'I'm never going to find anyone nice.'

'No,' I say at once. 'Don't give up! Katie, I just know your life is going to turn around. You're

going to find some lovely, kind, wonderful man-'

'But where?' she says hopelessly.

'I… don't know.' I cross my fingers behind my back. 'But I know it'll happen. I've got a really

strong feeling about it.'

'Really?' She stares at me. 'You do?'

'Absolutely!' I think quickly for a moment. 'Look, here's an idea. Why don't you try… going

to have lunch at a different place today. Somewhere completely different. And maybe you'll

meet someone there.'

'You think?' She gazes at me. 'OK. I'll try it.'

She gives a gusty sigh, and we start walking along the pavement again. 'The only good thing

about the weekend,' she adds as we reach the corner, 'is I finished making my new top. What

do you think?'

She proudly takes off her jacket and does a twirl, and I stare at her for a few seconds, not

quite sure what to say.

It's not that I don't like crochet…

OK. It is that I don't like crochet.

Especially pink scoop-neck open-weave crochet tops. You can actually see glimpses of her

bra through it.

'It's… amazing,' I manage at last. 'Absolutely fantastic!'

'Isn't it great?' She gives me a pleased smile. 'And it was so quick to do! I'm going to make the

matching skirt next.'

'That's great,' I say faintly. 'You're so clever.'

'Oh, it's nothing! I just enjoy it.'

She smiles modestly, and puts her jacket back on. 'So anyway, how about you?' she adds as

we start to cross the road. 'Did you have a nice weekend? I bet you did. I bet Connor was

completely wonderful and romantic. I bet he took you out for dinner or something.'

'Actually, he asked me to move in with him,' I say awkwardly.

'Really?' Katie gazes wistfully at me. 'God, Emma, you two make the perfect couple. You

give me faith that it can happen. It all seems so easy for you.'

I can't help feeling a little flicker of pleasure inside. Me and Connor. The perfect couple. Role

models for other people.

'It's not that easy,' I say with a modest little laugh. 'I mean, we argue, like anyone else.'

'Do you?' Katie looks surprised. 'I've never seen you argue.'

'Of course we do!'

I rack my brain for a moment, trying to remember the last time Connor and I had a fight. I

mean, obviously we do have arguments. Loads of them. All couples do. It's only healthy.

Come on, this is silly. We must have-

Yes. There was that time by the river when I thought those big white birds were geese and

Connor thought they were swans. Exactly. We're normal. I knew it.

We're nearing the Panther building now, and as we walk up the pale stone steps, each with a

granite panther jumping across it, I start feeling a bit nervous. Paul will want a full report on

how the meeting went with Glen Oil.

What shall I say?

Well, obviously I'll be completely frank and honest. Without actually telling him the truth-

'Hey, look.' Katie's voice interrupts me and I follow her gaze. Through the glass front of the

building I can see a commotion in the foyer. This isn't normal. What's going on?

God, has there been a fire, or something?

As Katie and I push our way through the heavy revolving glass doors, we look at each other in

bewilderment. The whole place is in turmoil. People are scurrying about, someone's polishing

the brass banister, someone else is polishing the fake plants, and Cyril, the senior office

manager, is shooing people into lifts.

'Could you please go to your offices! We don't want you hanging around the reception area.

You should all be at your desks by now.' He sounds completely stressed out. 'There's nothing

to see down here! Please go to your desks.'

'What's happening?' I say to Dave the security guard, who's lounging against the wall with a

cup of tea as usual. He takes a sip, swills it around his mouth and gives us a grin.

'Jack Harper's visiting.

'What?' We both gawp at him.

'Today?'

'Are you serious?'

In the world of the Panther Corporation, this is like saying the Pope's visiting. Or Father

Christmas. Jack Harper is the joint founder of the Panther Corporation. He invented Panther

Cola. I know this because I've typed out blurbs about him approximately a million times. 'It

was 1987 when young, dynamic business partners Jack Harper and Pete Laidler bought up the

ailing Zoot soft-drinks company, repackaged Zootacola as Panther Cola, invented the slogan

'Don't Pause', and thus made marketing history.'

No wonder Cyril's in a tizz.

'In about five minutes.' Dave consults his watch. 'Give or take.'

'But… but how come?' says Katie. 'I mean, just out of the blue like this.'

Dave's eyes twinkle. He's obviously been telling people the news all morning and is

thoroughly enjoying himself.