Can You Keep A Secret?

'Well, good for you. Have some fun, that's what I say! You took your wedding band off,' she

adds, glancing at my left hand. 'Smart girl… oops! He's coming! I'd better go!'

She lurches away again, as Jack sits back down in his place, and I lean forward, already half

giggling. Jack is going to love this.

'Guess what!' I say. 'I have a husband called Jeremy! My friend over there just came over and

told me. So what do you reckon? Has Jeremy been having a dalliance too?'

There's silence, and Jack looks up, a strained expression on his face.

'I'm sorry?' he says.

He wasn't listening to a word I was saying.

I can't say the whole thing again. I'll just feel stupid. In fact, I already feel stupid. 'It doesn't

matter,' I say, and force a smile.

There's another silence and I cast around for something to say. 'So, um, I have a confession to

make,' I say, gesturing to his plate. 'I pinched one of your scallops.'

I wait for him to pretend to be shocked, or angry. Or anything.

'That's OK,' he says abstractedly, and begins to fork the rest of them into his mouth.

I don't understand. What's happened? Where's the banter gone? He's completely changed.

* * *

By the time we've finished our tarragon chicken with rocket salad and chips, my entire body

is tensed up with misery. This date is a disaster. A complete disaster. I've made every effort

possible to chat, and joke and be funny. But Jack's taken two more calls, and the rest of the

time he's been broody and distracted, and to be honest I might as well not be there.

I feel like crying with disappointment. I just don't understand it. It was going so well. We

were getting on so fantastically. What went wrong?

'I'll just go and freshen up,' I say, as our main-course plates are removed, and Jack simply

nods.

The Ladies is more like a palace than a loo, with gold mirrors, plushy chairs and a woman in

uniform to give you a towel. For a moment I feel a bit shy about phoning Lissy in front of her,

but she must have seen it all before, mustn't she?

'Hi,' I say, as Lissy picks up. 'It's me.'

'Emma! How's it going?'

'It's awful,' I say dolefully.

'What do you mean?' she says in horror. 'How can it be awful? What's happened?'

'That's the worst thing.' I slump into a chair. 'It all started off brilliantly. We were laughing

and joking, and the restaurant's amazing, and he'd ordered this special menu just for me, all

full of my favourite things…'

I swallow hard. Now I put it like that, it does all sound pretty perfect.

'It sounds wonderful,' says Lissy in astonishment. 'So how come-'

'So then he had this call on his mobile.' I blow my nose. 'And ever since, he's barely said a

word to me. He keeps disappearing off to take calls, and I'm left on my own, and when he

comes back the conversation's all strained and stilted, and he's obviously only half paying

attention.'

'Maybe he's worried about something, but he doesn't want to burden you with it,' says Lissy

after a pause.

'That's true,' I say slowly. 'He does look pretty hassled.'

'Maybe something awful has happened but he doesn't want to ruin the mood. Just try talking

to him. Share his worries!'

'OK,' I say, feeling more cheerful. 'OK, I'll try that. Thanks, Lissy.'

I walk back to the table feeling slightly more positive. A waiter materializes to help me with

my chair, and as I sit down, I give Jack the warmest, most sympathetic look I can muster.

'Jack, is everything OK?'

He frowns.

'Why do you say that?'

'Well, you keep disappearing off. I just wondered if there was anything… you wanted to talk

about.'

'It's fine,' he says curtly. 'Thanks.' His tone is very much 'subject closed' but I'm not going to

give up that easily.

'Have you had some bad news?'

'No.'

'Is it… a business thing?' I persist. 'Or… or is it some kind of personal…'

Jack looks up, a sudden flash of anger in his face.

'I said, it's nothing. Quit it.'

Great. That puts me in my place, doesn't it?

'Would you both care for dessert?' A waiter's voice interrupts me, and I give him a strained

smile.

'Actually, I don't think so.'

I've had enough of this evening. I just want to get it over and go home.

'Very well.' The waiter smiles at me. 'Any coffee?'

'She does want dessert,' says Jack, over my head.

What? What did he just say? The waiter looks at me hesitantly.

'No I don't!' I say firmly.

'Come on, Emma,' says Jack, and now his warm, teasing tone is back. 'You don't have to

pretend with me. You told me on the plane, this is what you always say. You say you don't

want a dessert, when really, you do.'

'Well, this time, I really don't.'

'It's specially created for you.' Jack leans forward. 'Haagen-Dazs, meringue, Bailey's sauce on

the side…'

Suddenly I feel completely patronized. How does he know what I want? Maybe I just want

fruit. Maybe I want nothing. He has no idea about me. None at all.

'I'm not hungry.' I push my chair back.

'Emma, I know you. You want it, really-'

'You don't know me!' I cry angrily, before I can stop myself. 'Jack, you may know a few

random facts about me. But that doesn't mean you know me!'

'What?' Jack stares at me.

'If you knew me,' I say in a trembling voice, 'you would have realized that when I go out to

dinner with someone, I like them to listen to what I'm saying. I like them to treat me with a bit

of respect, and not tell me to 'quit it' when all I'm doing is trying to make conversation…'

Jack is staring at me in astonishment.

'Emma, are you OK?'

'No. I'm not OK! You've practically ignored me all evening.'

'That's not fair.'

'You have! You've been on autopilot. Ever since your mobile phone started going…'

'Look.' Jack rubs his face. 'A few things are going on in my life at the moment, they're very

important-'

'Fine. Well, let them go on without me.'

Tears are stinging my eyes as I stand up and reach for my bag. I so wanted this to be a perfect

evening. I had such high hopes. I can't believe it's gone so wrong.