coffee
'Thank you!' interrupts Mum. 'Thank you so much. I think we can manage from here.' The
waiter disappears again, and she looks at me. 'Emma, what we want to say is… we're very
proud of you.'
Oh God. Oh God, I think I'm going to cry.
'Right,' I manage.
'And we…' Dad begins. 'That is to say, we both — your mother and I -' He clears his throat.
'We've always… and always will… both of us…'
He pauses, breathing rather hard. I don't quite dare say anything.
'What I'm trying to say, Emma,' he starts again. 'As I'm sure you… as I'm sure we all…
which is to say…'
He stops again, and wipes his perspiring face with a napkin.
'The fact of the matter is that… is that…'
'Oh, just tell your daughter you love her, Brian, for once in your bloody life!' cries Mum.
'I… I… love you, Emma!' says Dad in a choked-up voice. 'Oh Jesus.' He brushes roughly at
his eye.
'I love you too, Dad,' I say, my throat tight. 'And you, Mum.'
'You see!' says Mum, dabbing at her eye. 'I knew it wasn't a mistake to come!' She clutches
hold of my hand, and I clutch hold of Dad's hand, and for a moment we're in a kind of
awkward group hug.
'You know… we're all sacred links in the eternal circle of life,' I say with a sudden swell of
emotion.
'What?' Both my parents look at me blankly.
'Er, never mind. Doesn't matter.' I release my hand, take a sip of cappuccino, and look up.
And my heart nearly stops.
Jack is standing at the door of the coffee shop.
TWENTY-TWO
My heart is hammering in my chest as I stare at him through the glass doors. He puts out a
hand, the door pings, and suddenly he's inside the coffee shop.
As he walks towards our table, I feel a rush of emotion. This is the man I thought I was in
love with. This is the man who completely used me. Now the initial shock has faded, all the
old feelings of pain and humiliation are threatening to take over and turn me to jelly again.
But I'm not going to let them. I'm going to be strong and dignified.
'Ignore him,' I say to Mum and Dad.
'Who?' says Dad, turning round in his chair. 'Oh!'
'Emma, I want to talk to you,' says Jack, his face earnest.
'Well, I don't want to talk to you.'
'I'm so sorry to interrupt.' He glances at Mum and Dad. 'If we could just have a moment…'
'I'm not going anywhere!' I say in outrage. 'I'm having a nice cup of coffee with my parents.'
'Please.' He sits down at an adjoining table. 'I want to explain. I want to apologize.'
'There's no explanation you could possibly give me.' I look fiercely at Mum and Dad. 'Pretend
he isn't there. Just carry on.'
There's silence. Mum and Dad are giving each other surreptitious looks, and I can see Mum
mouthing something. She stops abruptly as she sees me looking at her, and takes a sip of
coffee.
'Let's just… have a conversation!' I say desperately. 'So, Mum.'
'Yes?' she says hopefully.
My mind is blank. I can't think of anything. All I can think is that Jack is sitting four feet
away.
'How's the golf?' I say at last.
'It's… er… fine, thanks.' Mum shoots a glance at Jack.
'Don't look at him!' I mutter. 'And… and Dad?' I persevere, loudly. 'How's your golf?'
'It's… also fine,' says Dad stiltedly.
'Where do you play?' asks Jack politely.
'You're not in the conversation!' I cry, turning furiously on my chair.
There's silence.
'Dear me!' says Mum suddenly in a stagy voice. 'Just look at the time! We're due at the… the
… sculpture exhibition.'
What?
'Lovely to see you, Emma-'
'You can't go!' I say in panic. But Dad's already opening his wallet and placing a ?20 note on
the table, while Mum stands up and puts on her white jacket.
'Just listen to him,' she whispers, bending down to give me a kiss.
'Bye, Emma,' says Dad, and squeezes my hand awkwardly. And within the space of about
thirty seconds, they're gone.
I cannot believe they have done this to me.
'So,' says Jack, as the door pings shut.
Determinedly I shift my chair round, so I can't see him.
'Emma, please.'
Even more determinedly I shift my chair round again, until I'm staring straight at the wall.
That'll show him.
The only thing is, now I can't reach my cappuccino.
'Here.' I look round to see Jack has moved his chair right up next to mine, and is holding out
my cup to me.
'Leave me alone!' I say angrily, leaping to my feet. 'We have nothing to talk about. Nothing.'
I grab my bag and stalk out of the coffee shop, into the busy street. A moment later, I feel a
hand on my shoulder.
'We could at least discuss what happened…'
'Discuss what?' I wheel round. 'How you used me? How you betrayed me?'
'OK, Emma. I appreciate I embarrassed you. But… is it really such a big deal?'
'Such a big deal?' I cry in disbelief, nearly knocking over a lady with a shopping trolley. 'You
came into my life. You fed me this huge amazing romance. You made me fall in lo-' I halt
myself abruptly, panting slightly. 'You said you were gripped by me. You made me… care
for you… and I believed every single word!' My voice is starting to wobble treacherously. 'I
believed it all, Jack. But all the way along, you had an ulterior motive. You were just using
me for your stupid research. All the time, you were just…
Jack stares at me.
'No,' he says. 'No, wait. You have this wrong.' He grabs my arm. 'That's not the way it was. I
didn't set out to use you.'
How does he have the
'Of course you did!' I say, wrenching my arm out of his grasp, jabbing the button at a
pedestrian crossing. 'Of course you did! Don't deny it was me you were talking about in that
interview. Don't deny you had me in mind.' I feel a fresh spasm of humiliation. 'Every detail
was me. Every bloody detail!'
