I love this idea so much, I wallow in it for a while, amending the letter over and over in my head. 'Dear Mr Smeath, as I tried to inform you discreetly at our last encounter, I am in fact a millionairess. If only you had trusted me, things might have been different.'
God, he'll be sorry, won't he? That'll teach him. He'll probably phone up and apologize. Try and grovel for my business and say he hadn't meant to offend me. But it'll be too late. Far too late. Hah! Hahahaha…
Oh blast. Missed my stop.
When I get home, Suze is sitting on the floor, surrounded by glossy magazines.
'Hi!' she says brightly. 'Guess what? I'm going to be in Vogue!'
'What?' I say disbelievingly. 'Were you spotted on the streets or something?' Then I realize I shouldn't sound quite so surprised. I mean, Suze has got an excellent figure. She could easily be a model. But still… Vogue!
'Not me, silly!' she says. 'My frames.'
'Your frames are going to be in Vogue?' Now I really am disbelieving.
'In the June issue! I'm going to be in a piece called 'Just relax – designers who are bringing the fun back into interiors'. It's cool, isn't it? The only thing is, I've only made two frames so far, so I need to make a few more in case people want to buy them.'
'Right,' I say, trying to get my head round all this. 'So – how come Vogue are doing a piece about you? Did they… hear about you?'
How can they have heard about her? I'm thinking. I mean, she only started making frames four days ago!
'No silly!' she says, and laughs. 'I phoned up Lally. Have you met Lally?' I shake my head. 'Well, she's fashion editor of Vogue now, and she spoke to Perdy, who's the interiors editor, and Perdy phoned me back – and when I told her what my frames were like, she just went wild.'
'Gosh,' I say. 'Well done.'
'She told me what to say in my interview, too,' Suze adds, and clears her throat importantly. 'I want to create spaces for people to enjoy, not admire. There's a bit of the child in all of us. Life's too short for minimalism.'
'Oh right,' I say. 'Great!'
'No, wait, there was something else, too.' Suze frowns thoughtfully. 'Oh yes, my designs are inspired by the imaginative spirit of Gaudi. I'm going to phone up Charlie now,' she adds happily. 'I'm sure he's something on Tatler.'
'Great,' I say again.
And it is great.
I'm really glad for Suze. Of course I am.
But there's a part of me that's thinking – how come everything happens so easily for her? I bet she's never had to face a nasty bank manager in her life. And I bet she never will have to, either. Dispiritedly, I sink down onto the floor and begin to flip through a magazine.
'By the way,' says Suze, looking up from the phone. 'Tarquin rang about an hour ago, to arrange your date.' She grins wickedly. 'Are you looking forward to it?'
'Oh,' say dully. 'Of course I am.'
I'd forgotten all about it, to be honest. But it's OK I'll just wait until tomorrow afternoon and say I've got period pain. Easy. No-one ever questions that, especially not men.
'Oh yes,' says Suze, gesturing to a Harpers and Queen open on the floor. 'And look who I came across just now in the Hundred Richest Bachelors list! Oh hi, Charlie,' she says into the phone. 'It's Suze! Listen…'
I look down at the open Harpers and Queen and freeze. Luke Brandon is staring out of the page at me, an easy smile on his face. Number 31, reads the caption. Age 32. Estimated wealth: ?10 million. Scarily intelligent entrepreneur. Lives in Chelsea; currently dating Sacha de Bonneville, daughter of the French billionaire.
I don't want to know this. Why would I be interested in who Luke Brandon is dating? Savagely I flip the page backwards and start reading about Number 17, who sounds much nicer. Dave Kington. Age 28. Estimated wealth: ?20 million. Former striker for Manchester United, now management guru and sportswear entrepreneur… Lives in Hertfordshire, recently split from girlfriend, model Cherisse.
And anyway, Luke Brandon's boring. Everyone says so. All he does is work. Obsessed by money, probably.
Number 16. Ernest Flight. Age 52. Estimated wealth: ?22 million. Chairman and major shareholder of the Flight Foods Corporation. Lives in Nottinghamshire, recently divorced from third wife Susan.
I don't even think he's that good-looking. Too tall.
And he probably doesn't go to the gym or anything. Too busy. He's probably hideous underneath his clothes.
Number 15. Tarquin Cleath-Stuart. Age 26. Estimated wealth: ?25 million. Landowner since inheriting huge family estate at age of 19. V. publicity shy. Lives in Perthshire and London with old nanny; currently single.
Anyway, what kind of man buys luggage as a present? I mean, a suitcase, for God's sake, when he had the whole of Harrods to choose from. He could have bought his girlfriend a necklace, or some clothes. Or he could have… He could have…
Hang on a moment, what was that?
What was that?
No. That can't be – Surely that's not-
Oh my God.
And suddenly I can't breathe. I can't move. My entire frame is concentrated on the blurry picture in front of me. Tarquin Cleath-Stuart? Tarquin Suze's Cousin? Tarquin?
Tarquin… has… 25… million… pounds?
I think I'm going to pass out, if I can ever ungrip my hand from this page. I'm staring at the fifteenth- richest bachelor in Britain – and I know him.
Not only do I know him, he's asked me out on a date.
I'm having dinner with him tomorrow night.
OH-MY-GOD.
I'm going to be a millionairess. A multimillionairess. I knew it. Didn't I know it? I knew it. Tarquin's going to fall in love with me and ask me to marry him and we'll get married in a gorgeous Scottish castle just like in Four Weddings (except with nobody dying on us). And I'll have ?25 million.
And what will Derek Smeath say then? Hah!
Hah!
'D'you want a cup of tea?' says Suze, putting down the phone. 'Charlie's such a poppet. He's going to feature me in Britain's Up-And-Coming-Talent.'
'Excellent,' I say vaguely, and clear my throat. 'Just… just looking at Tarquin here.'
I have to check. I have to check there isn't some other Tarquin Cleath-Stuart, some cousin I don't know about. Please God, please let me be going out with the rich one.
'Oh yes,' says Suze casually. 'He's always in those things.' She runs her eyes down the text and shakes her head. 'God, they always exaggerate everything. ?25 million!'
My heart stops.
'Hasn't he got ?25 million, then?' I say carelessly.
'Oh no!' She laughs as though the idea's ridiculous.
'The estate's worth about… Oh, I don't know. ?18 million.'
?18 million. Well, that'll do. That'll do nicely.
'These magazines!' I say, and roll my eyes sympathetically.
'Earl Grey?' says Suze, getting up. 'Or normal?'
'Earl Grey,' I say, even though I actually prefer Typhoo. Becaus I'd better start acting posh, hadn't I, if I'm going to be the girlfriend of someone called Tarquin Cleath-Stuart.
Rebecca Cleath-Stuart.
