'What I mean is, a duck brought up among chickens. Well-known farmyard phenomenon. Finds it can't bloody well peck and doesn't know what swimming is.' The king listened politely. Dwarfs don't go in much for agriculture. 'But you send him off to see a lot of other ducks, let him get his feet wet, and he won't go running around after bantams any more. And Bob's your uncle. '
Varneshi sat back and looked rather pleased with himself.
When you spend a large part of your life underground, you develop a very literal mind. Dwarfs have no use for metaphor and simile. Rocks are hard, the darkness is dark. Start messing around with descriptions like that and you're in big trouble, is their motto. But after two hundred years of talking to humans the king had, as it were, developed a painstaking mental toolkit which was nearly adequate for the job of understanding them.
'Surely Bjorn Stronginthearm is my uncle, ' he pointed out, slowly.
'Same thing. '
There was a pause while the king subjected this to careful analysis.
'You're saying, ' he said, weighing each word, 'that we should send Carrot away to be a duck among humans because Bjorn Stronginthearm is my uncle. '
'He's a fine lad. Plenty of openings for a big strong lad like him, ' said Varneshi.
'I have heard that dwarfs go off to work in the Big City, ' said the king uncertainly. 'And they send back money to their families, which is very commendable and proper. '
'There you are then. Get him a job in… in…' Varneshi sought for inspiration,'…in the Watch, or something. My great-grandfather was in the Watch, you know. Fine job for a big lad, my grandad said. '
'What is a Watch?' said the king.
'Oh, ' said Varneshi, with the vagueness of someone whose family for the last three generations hadn't travelled more than twenty miles, 'they goes about making sure people keep the laws and do what they're told. '
'That is a very proper concern, ' said the king who, since he was usually the one doing the telling, had very solid views about people doing what they were told.
'Of course, they don't take just anyone, ' said Varneshi, dredging the depths of his recollection.
'I should think not, for such an important task. I shall write to their king. '
'I don't think they have a king there, ' said Varneshi. 'Just some man who tells them what to do. '
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