'Don't you start,' snapped Vimes. 'It's bad enough getting all those leers from Nobby and the sergeant.'
To his astonishment Carrot patted him companion-ably on the shoulder.
'I know how it is,' he said sympathetically. 'I had this girl back home, her name was Minty, and her father…'
'Look, for the last time, there is absolutely nothing between…' Vimes began.
There was a rattle beside them. A small avalanche of plaster and thatch rolled down. The rubble heaved, and opened one eye. One big black pupil floating in a bloodshot glow tried to focus on them.
'We must be mad,' said Vimes.
'Oh, no, sir,' said Carrot. 'There's plenty of precedents. In 1135 a hen was arrested for crowing on Soul Cake Thursday. And during the regime of Psychoneurotic Lord Snapcase a colony of bats was executed for persistent curfew violations. That was in 1401. August, I think. Great days for the law, they were,' said Carrot dreamily. 'In 1321, you know, a small cloud was prosecuted for covering the sun during the climax of Frenzied Earl Hargath's investiture ceremony.'
'I hope Colon gets a move on with…' Vimes stopped. He had to know. 'How?' he said. 'What can you do to a cloud?'
'The Earl sentenced it to be stoned to death,' said Carrot. 'Apparently thirty-one people were killed.' He pulled out his notebook and glared at the dragon.
'Can it hear us, do you think?' he said.
'I suppose so.'
'Well, then.'' Carrot cleared his throat and turned back to the stunned reptile. 'It is my duty to warn you that you are to be reported for consideration of prosecution on some or all of the following counts, to whit: One, (One) i, that on or about 18th Grune last, in a place known as Sweetheart Lane, the Shades, you did unlawfully vent flame in a manner likely to cause grievous bodily harm, in contravention of Clause Seven of the Industrial Processes Act, 1508; AND THAT, One, (One) ii, that on or about 18th Grune last, in a place known as Sweetheart Lane, the Shades, you caused or did cause to cause the death of six persons unknown..'
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