When I finished, he lay in silence for a time. Then he grunted. 'I see I'm missing a great deal, being a staid married man with four children.'
'Four! Last time you had three.'
'Lena's expecting again.'
'Hoolies, Alric, you and Lena are worse than sandconeys. Do you plan to populate the entire South?'
'I like children.'
'Good thing!'
'Lena likes children.'
'Even better, since she has to bear them.'
He cast me a speculative glance. 'Don't you ever plan to have any?'
I cast him a look in return that informed him he was sandsick.
'You and Lena can make up for my lack.'
Alric laughed. 'Fair enough. It gives us an excuse for more.' He was sandsick. 'In the morning,' I said abruptly, 'you head back home. There are five roads out of here; they can track us this far from Umir's, but then they'll have to split up to sort out where I've gone.'
It caught him off-guard. 'I'd thought to go on to Julah and help you with Del.'
I shook my head. 'I appreciate it, Alric, but you've got three children and a fourth on the way. You don't need any part of my trouble. Go home to Lena.' I might not want my own kids, but I didn't want to be responsible for depriving others of their father. 'I'll be fine.'
After a moment he agreed. 'You certainly handled Musa easily enough.'
'Hardly 'easily.' I'll feel it in the morning. Hoolies, I feel it now!'
'Musa doesn't.'
I swore with feeling. 'That was sheer waste. Talent like his doesn't come along very often.'
'From what I hear, not since you did.'
I made a noncommital noise. Once I might have complimented him on his insight, but Del had impressed upon me that one needn't brag to establish one's credentials.
Or something like that.
Chewing tough cumfa, Alric observed, 'Musa made the choice. He might have let it be.'
But Musa was—had been —young, supremely talented, confident, and he could not believe I had beaten him. Not a man who had dishonored himself.
After a moment, Alric asked, 'Will you answer a question?'
I couldn't figure out why he felt he had to ask permission. 'Sure.'
'What will you do if Delilah is dead?'
Oh. Now I knew why.
'Tiger?'
'I haven't thought about it.'
My tone did not dissuade him from further inquiry. 'Not ever?'
'No.'
'Why not?'
I hitched myself up on an elbow and scowled at him. 'What kind of a conversation is this? How about I ask you if you've ever thought about what you'd do if Lena died?'
'I have. I do. Every time she goes into labor.'
I blinked. It's not the sort of thing men speak about very often, if at all. 'Well, I suppose that's a risk you have to take if you're going to have kids.' Which was a pretty lame comment, but I didn't know what else to say. I flopped back down on my blanket. Since he'd brought it up– 'So, what would you do if Lena died?'
'I have three daughters to care for. That is what I'd do.'
'As a sword-dancer?'
'Oh, no. I would have to find another life. Something with no travel involved, so I would be there for my girls.' He spoke so matter-of-factly about giving up the life he had always wanted. Maybe that's what happened when you got married and had kids. Gave things up. No wonder I didn't want any.
'As you have no children,' Alric said, 'what will you do if Del is dead?'
I really didn't want to walk this particular conversational road. Especially when I had no idea where or how she was. 'Go on,' I replied briefly.
'Doing what? You can't accept dances anymore.'
'I own one-third of a cantina.'
Alric turned to stare at me incredulously. 'You'd spend the rest of your days serving liquor and wine- girls?'
'No,' I replied crossly. 'I mean I'd collect my share of profits. They'd be enough to live on even if I can't dance. But it doesn't really matter, because I have plans.'
'What plans?'
'Alimat fell years ago. The shodo died. There hasn't been one since then—at least, not of his ability.' I raised my hands into the air, inspecting them. 'Even if I hadn't declared elaii-ali-ma, I'm a little bit hampered as a sword-dancer. So I thought I'd take a whack at being a shodo.'
'You? A teacher?'
I scowled at him, lowering my hands. 'Why does everyone always sound so surprised?'
Alric examined my expression. 'Because you are not in general known for your patience, Tiger. And those who have a particularly rare gift for something—in your case, sword-dancing—often make the worst teachers. They can't teach what comes to them naturally and unbidden.'
'How do you know I can't?'
'Tell me how you defeated Musa.'
'I just—beat him.'
'See?'
'Come on, Alric! Do you want me to give you a blow-by-blow description? You were there.'
'How do you know precisely where a man will be in the circle, Tiger? How do you know what move he will make before he knows?' He grinned as I stared at him in surprise. 'Yes. I have seen it in you. As I saw it on Staal- Ysta, in one of the sword-singers there. I asked him once. He couldn't tell me. He said he simply knew. He saw it in his head.'
'Time just—slows.' It was the first time I had ever spoken of it to anyone. It sounded ridiculous. And impossible.
Alric sighed. 'You can't teach that, Tiger.'
It stung. 'You don't know. I might be able to.'
The big Northerner snorted. Then he rolled over, displaying a broad back. Such faith he had in me.
But maybe he was right. Maybe I couldn't teach anyone anything. I just didn't know what else I might do.
I stared into the deepening sky, watching the stars emerge out of daylight into darkness. Firelight flickered at ground level, illuminating soil and sand, the dark, angular faces of Southron travelers. The aroma of mutton and sausage drifted our way. I heard quiet murmurings in several dialects, laughter, a child crying, and a faint, yearning melody sung softly by a woman.
Bascha, I said, please don't be dead.
* * *
I awoke to the sound of a baby screaming. At first I tried to block it out by pulling a corner of the blanket over my head, but it didn't help. Eventually I gave up, squinted out at the early morning sun, then pushed myself upright. Musa may have landed only one minor blow, but the dance alone had resulted in sore muscles.
I got up slowly, swearing quietly under my breath. By the time I was standing, I realized Alric was already up. In fact, he'd taken the horses off for watering. I was in the midst of stretching and attempting to lengthen my spine when he came back. He looked altogether too alert for this early.
Which reminded me. 'How was it you managed to lose your dance?'
He led the horses back to the pickets. 'Musa.'
'You danced with Musa?'
