TWENTY-ONE
I DUCKED inside Oziri's hyort.
'Do you mind if I check on Del?—oh, hoolies, not this again!' I waved herb smoke from my face. 'I thought you said this wasn't necessary.'
Oziri was once again seated on furs. The hyort, as before, was closed and stuffy. 'It won't be necessary, eventually. It is now.'
'You going to give me another bone?'
He tossed a pinch of herb on the coals with an eloquent gesture. 'No. This time I want you to walk your own dream.'
I squinted against the smoke. 'You want me to dream while I'm awake?'
'Not to dream but to recall your dreams. In detail. That is the walk. A man with the art may summon them at any time, may return to them, so he may understand their message.'
'And what happens if he doesn't wish to understand anything? If he just wants to go on about his life like everyone else, blessedly ignorant?'
'A man with the art can't ignore such things. There is no blessing in ignorance, only danger.'
I eyed him warily. 'Where are you going with this?'
Oziri sighed. 'You have, I'm sure, been bitten by sandflies.'
I blinked, wondering what that had to do with anything. 'Anyone who lives in the desert has.'
'And you recall the fierce itching that accompanies such bites.
Dryly I said, 'Anyone who lives in the desert does.'
'And if you were bitten but could not scratch?' Oziri smiled faintly. 'It would be hoolies, as you call it.'
An understatement. 'So?'
'Consider dreams as sandflies, and walking them, understanding them, is the scratching of the itch. One or two sandfly bites, unscratched, are bearable, if annoying, but what of an infestation? Bite upon bite upon bite, until your flesh is swollen on the bones. Without relief. No scratch for the itch.'
I grimaced, wanting to scratch simply because of the image he painted. 'If you say so; I'm not going to argue with my host. But we haven't established that I have any art.'
There was—almost—a scowl on Oziri's face. 'Last night we established that indeed you have the art, when you reacted to the bone. Now you must learn to walk the dreams, to recall them at will, so you may understand them.' He paused. 'And scratch the itch.'
'Uh-huh. And the sandflies are supposed to give me messages.' I started to laugh, but then without warning something boiled up inside me, an abrupt and painful frustration so desperate, so powerful, it overwhelmed. I wanted to wheel around, tear the doorflap open, stride away from the hyort. I wanted to get Del, throw our belongings into pouches, saddle the horses and go. Just go. Forever. Away.
I wanted to run.
To run.
Oziri's eyes flickered. 'I know.'
Stunned, ashamed, angry, I guarded neither words nor tone. 'You know nothing.'
'I know,' he repeated.
The anger separated itself from frustration. It was an alien kind of anger, shaped not of rage and therefore comprehensible but of a cold, quiet bitterness. 'Do you have any idea,' I began softly, with careful clarity, 'how many people have told me I have arts? Gifts? Powers? Have you any idea what it is to be told, again and again, that if that art, or that power, is ignored, it could drive me mad? Kill me on the spot? Shorten my lifespan?' I shook my head, hand tightening on my sword as every muscle in my body tensed. 'I was nothing. I was a slave. How is it that strangers– you, Sahdri, Nihko, others—can see something I can't feel? How can you tell me I must do this thing, that thing, whatever thing it may be, or the price will be too high to pay?'
He closed his eyes a moment.
'I'm just a man, Oziri! Nothing more. That's all I ever wanted to be, when I was a slave. A man. And free. To go where I want, be what I want. No arts. No gifts. No powers. No end-of-life-as-I-know-it punishment if I don't—if I can't —measure up. Messiah? —Hah. Mage?—I want nothing to do with magic, thank you. And now dream-walker?' I shook my head vehemently. 'No. Never. I don't want it. And if that means you want to kill me because I'm not what the Oracle prophesied, so be it. I'll meet anyone in the circle you like. Because that's what I am. Just a man with a little skill, a lot of training . . . and no need at all to contend with arts and gifts and powers, be they Southron, Northern, Skandic, Vashni, or anything else.' I shook my head again as tension and anger, now vented, began to bleed away into weary resignation. 'This is your art, Oziri, this dream-walking. Not mine.'
After a moment he lowered his eyes and gazed into the coals. His fingers twitched, as if he wished to take up herbs and toss them into the fire. But he didn't. He simply sat there, expression oddly vulnerable for a Vashni warrior, and after a moment his mouth twisted as if he were in pain.
Then he met my eyes. 'Will you trust me to lead you through?'
The question astounded me. 'I just told you—'
'Yes. And I understand; your truth is a hard one, even for a priest. I have no intention of killing you; we accept what the Oracle prophesied—wait.' He lifted a hand to belay my immediate protest. 'A man is welcome to his own beliefs, yes?'
It took effort to accede, but I dipped my head in a stiff nod.
'We have hosted the woman, the Oracle's sister; and the young man who brought her here. And now we have hosted you. I ask that the jhihadi repay us by allowing me to lead him through this dream-walk.'
The ice of anger was gone; its bluntness remained. 'But it doesn't mean anything. Not to me.'
'Then you lose nothing but a portion of time, while I …' Oziri smiled ruefully. 'Well, it means a great deal to me. I risk losing a portion of my reputation. The Vashni hold priests to be incapable of mistakes.'
I couldn't help but mock. 'Will they kill you for it and boil the flesh off your bones?'
'No.'
I shrugged with deliberate exaggeration. 'Then it's not so much of a risk after all, is it?'
'They will boil the flesh off my bones without giving me the mercy of death beforehand.'
It banished all derision, all protests, precisely as he intended. It's hard to ridicule that kind of imagery when you know it isn't falsehood.
I still wanted to walk away. But his time cost more than mine.
Finally I nodded. 'Then let's get it done. What do you want me to do?'
'Be seated. Be at ease. Trust me to lead you through.'
I grunted dubiously. 'I can't promise either of the last two.'
'Then achieve the first.' Oziri paused. 'And lay down your sword. It is hard for me to trust a man with a blade in his hand when he is the Sandtiger.'
Once I would have been flattered. Now I just wanted to get it over with. I seated myself on the other side of the fire and set down the sword not far from my knee.
'Breathe,' Oziri suggested. 'I believe we have established you have that art.'
I shot him a disgruntled look. He threw more herbs on the coals. I gritted my teeth and tried not to cough.
'Find your stillness.'
That particular recommendation was really beginning to grate on me. I watched suspiciously as he cupped both hands and wafted smoke at me. Another pinch of herbs went on the fire. 'All right,' I muttered, and drew in a deep breath. 'Now what?'
'What did you dream last night?'
Oddly enough, I couldn't remember. I'd slept very well after Del and I had made love, and no recollection tickled my memory. Maybe, after the dream-walking lesson, I was all dreamed out. 'I'm not sure I did.'
Oziri, saying nothing, took a generous amount of herbs from two bowls. He dumped them on the coals. A cloud of pungent smoke wreathed the air between us, then drifted unerringly into my face. It was nothing so much as a challenge to prove him wrong. To allow my childish obstinance to sentence him to death.
