'And if that happened, your data would be compromised, wouldn't it?'
'Uhh, yes, I suppose it would'
'So in other words, if two people have the password to an account, the security of it is at least halved, isn't it?'
'Yes, I suppose you're right'
'Of course I am, I'm the *OPERATOR*. I'm not only right, I'm wrong if I want to be as well..'
'Uh..'
He doesn't know whether to agree or not. Wimp.
'Now,' I say, breaking the tension 'I'll change your password for you'
'Ok, thanks'
'No worries. Bye now'
'B. >click<'
They ring back.
'You didn't tell me my password!'
'Of course I didn't. We already agreed that two people knowing the password is less secure than one, didn't we?'
'Well, yes, but...'
'No buts, security is security, off you go...'
That's the problem with this job, it doesn't come naturally – you have to *WORK* on it.
The LAST Bastard Operator from Hell!
I get back from Britain and return to my old stomping grounds to take up a post as an Analyst/Programmer... As an A/P I'm expected to work weird hours so I start putting in some 9 to 5 shifts to see what it's like.
It's weird all right. I don't like it.
I go to the computer room to check out my machine, only I'm not the Operator any more, so I've got no access. I call the Operator. He answers.
Bad sign.
'Can I get access to the Computer Room?' I ask, respectfully
'Well...' he pauses '.. what do you want to do?'
Indecisive. It gets worse! He should've come straight out and said that the day a user gets access to HIS computer room is the day he'll be crated up and freighted to the big Computer Room in the sky to meet the Chief Operator!
'Just look at my machines' I say..
'Um, well, we're not supposed to let programmers in here unless it's an emergency' he blubs.
Dear oh dear. It's almost as if he's apologising! I can't take any more of it so I just wander off. He calls after me in apology and it turns my stomach. Watching something you've carefully built up with neglect and mindless acts of violence just crumble away in front of your eyes!
I can't let it end this way! There must be something I can do...
I go back to my room and open the sealed envelope that I was saving for my retirement nest-egg.
I shuffle through the signed bits of paper, photographs and dictaphone tapes till I find what I want. The photo's a bit faded and blurred, but the people in the picture can still be made out. I get on the phone.
'HELLO?'. The Big Boss himself answers
'Hi there, Simon from the Computer Centre. I think I found something of yours'
'WHAT?'
'A photo. One in a series of 24'
'WHAT ARE YOU TALKING ABOUT! I'M A BUSY MAN – DON'T WASTE MY TIME!'
'Well, it's a photo of you, a couple of female friends, and something that looks like it has some agricultural purpose'
'oh...' ... ___ ...
'...yes, I was wondering where that got to. If you could just drop in in an envelope and send it to me personally...'
'*I* *think* *not*...'
'Well, it's obviously a fake. Where would you get such a thing?'
'Your office. You left the door open one night'
'That's ridiculous, my door's electronically locked every night'
'By computer?..'
'Oh! .... What do you want?'
'The New Operators'
'Ok, I'll have them fired..'
'NO! Then you'll get some more and they'll be just as bad!'
'Then what do you want?'
'TO TRAIN THEM!'
.......
A couple of days later the training session begins. Unfortunately, I only get one operator to train as the other one resigned when he heard I wanted to talk to him. Still one's better than none.
We start from the very beginning..
'Ok, let's just go into this. How do you feel about users?'
'They're ok, I suppose' he answers
'OK?'
'Well, they can be a pain at times'
'at times?'
'Well, a lot of the time?'
'A lot?'
'OK, ALL THE TIME! I HATE THEM, I HATE THEM! ALWAYS RINGING ME UP WANTING TO GET MORE DISK OR CONNECT TIME, WHINING AT ME IN THEIR PATHETIC VOICES, COMPLAINING ABOUT RESPONSE TIME. I HATE THEM!'
'Right. There. You see, you did know the answer after all. Second question, What do we do for users?'
'What they want?'
'No'
'What we think they want?'
'No'
'What WE want?'
'No'
'I DON'T KNOW!'
'I see. Well, the answer is, we do nothing *FOR* users. We do things *TO* users. It's a fine distinction, but an important one all the same. Now, what do we do TO users?'
'What we want?'
'Exactly. And WHY do we do it?'
'Because they deserve it?'
'No...'
'To convince users not to call?'
'No again. We do what we do because we ENJOY it. And because we can get away with it.'
