Удушье (Choke)

More pudding into her mouth.

'I know you wrote this all in Italian in your diary so I wouldn't read it.'

More pudding into her mouth.

And I say, 'Now I know my true nature. That I'm a loving caring person.'

More pudding goes into her mouth.

'And I know I can save you,' I say.

My mom, she just looks at me. Her eyes filled with total infi­nite understanding and compassion, she says, 'What the fuck are you getting at?'

She says, 'I stole you out of a stroller in Waterloo, Iowa. I wanted to save you from the kind of life you'd get.'

Parenthood being the opiate of the masses.

See also: Denny with his baby stroller full of stolen sand­stone.

She says, 'I kidnapped you.'

The poor deluded, demented thing, she doesn't know what she's saying.

I spoon in another fifty calories.

'It's okay,' I tell her. 'Dr. Marshall read your diary and told me the truth.'

I spoon in more brown pudding.

Her mouth stretches open to speak, and I spoon in more pudding.

Her eyes bulge and tears slide down the sides of her face.

'It's okay. I forgive you,' I tell her. 'I love you, and I'm here to save you.'

With another spoonful halfway to her mouth, I say, 'All you have to do is swallow this.'

Her chest heaves, and brown pudding bubbles out her nose. Her eyes roll back. Her skin, it's getting bluish. Her chest heaves again.

And I say, 'Mom?'

Her hands and arms tremble, and her head arches back deeper into her pillow. Her chest heaves, and the mouthful of brown muck sucks back into her throat.

Her face and hands are more blue. Her eyes rolled over white. Everything smells like chocolate.

I press the nurse call button.

I tell her, 'Don't panic.'

I tell her, 'I'm sorry. I'm sorry. I'm sorry. I'msorry...'

Heaving and flopping, her hands clawing at her throat. This is how I must look choking in public.

Then Dr. Marshall's standing on the other side of her bed, with one hand tilting my mom's head back. With her other hand, she scoops pudding out of her mouth. To me, Paige says, 'What's happened?'

I was trying to save her. She was delusional. She doesn't re­member I'm the messiah. I'm here to save her.