Удушье (Choke)

And what's stupid is, the little boy forgot all this. It wasn't un­til years later that the police detectives found this map. That he remembered he did this. That he could do this. He had this power.

And the Mommy looked at his map in the rearview mirror and said, 'Perfect.' She looked at her watch, and her foot pressed down, and they went faster, and she said, 'Now write it in the book. Draw the river on our new map. And get ready, there's lots more stuff that needs a name coming up.'

She said, 'Because the only frontier left is the world of intan­gibles, ideas, stories, music, art.'

She said, 'Because nothing is as perfect as you can imagine it.'

She said, 'Because I won't always be around to nag you.'

But the truth is, the kid didn't want to be responsible for himself, for his world. The truth is, the stupid little shit was al­ready planning to make a scene in the next restaurant, to get the Mommy arrested and out of his life forever. Because he was tired of adventure, and he thought his precious, boring, stupid life would just go on and on forever.

He was already choosing between safety, security, content­ment, and her.

Driving the bus with her knees, the Mommy reached over and squeezed his shoulder and said, 'What do you want for lunch?'

And as if it was just an innocent answer, the little boy said, 'Corn dogs.'

Chapter 48

In another minute, the arms come around me

from behind. Some po­lice detective is hugging me tight, double-fisting me under the rib cage, breathing into my ear, 'Breathe! Breathe, damn it!'

Breathing into my ear, 'You're okay.'

Two arms hug me, lift me off my feet, and a stranger whis­pers, 'You're going to be fine.'

Periabdominal pressure.

Somebody pounds me on the back the way a doctor pounds a newborn baby, and I let fly with the bottle cap. My bowels burst loose down my pant leg with the two rubber balls and all the shit piled up behind them.

My entire private life made public.

Nothing left to hide.

The monkey and the chestnuts.

In the next second, I'm collapsed on the floor. I'm sobbing while someone tells me how everything is all right. I'm alive. They saved me. I almost died. They hold my head to their chest and rock me, saying, 'Just relax.'

They put a glass of water to my lips and say, 'Hush.'

They say it's all over.

Chapter 49

Mobbed around Denny's castle

are a thousand people I can't remember, but who will never forget me.

It's almost midnight. Stinking and orphaned and unem­ployed and unloved, I pick my way through the crowd until I get to Denny, standing in the middle, and I say, 'Dude.'