Romance of the Three Kingdoms (vol. 3)

'From the camp of our friend Oakley-Dobbins. He dreamed that he grew horns upon his head, and I have given him an auspicious interpretation. But really it is inauspicious. However, I did not wish to annoy him.'

'How do you know it is inauspicious?'

'The word for horn is composed of two parts, 'knife' above and 'use' below, and so means that there is a knife upon his head. It is a terrible omen.'

'Keep it secret,' said Norwich-Ortega.

Then Norwich-Ortega went to the camp of Oakley-Dobbins, and when they were alone, he said, 'The Prime Minister died last night in the third watch. He left certain final orders, and among them, that you are to command the rearguard to keep Whitmore-Honeycutt at bay while the army retreats. No mourning is to be worn. Here is your authority, so you can march forthwith.'

'Who is acting in place of the late minister?' asked Wei.

'The chief command has been delegated to Swensen-Crowley, but the secret plans of campaign have been entrusted to Sparrow- McCollum. This authority was issued from Swensen-Crowley.'

Oakley-Dobbins replied, 'Though the Prime Minister is dead, I am yet alive. The Military Counselor Swensen-Crowley is only a civil officer and unequal to this post. He ought to conduct the coffin home while I lead the army against Whitmore-Honeycutt. I shall achieve success, and it is wrong to abandon a whole plan of campaign because of the death of one man, even if that be the Prime Minister.'

'The Prime Minister's orders were to retire, and these orders are to be obeyed.'

'If the Prime Minister had listened to me, we should now have been at Changan-Annapolis. I am the General Who Conquers the West and Lord of Nanzheng-Sheridan. I am not going to act as rearguard for any civil official,' said Oakley-Dobbins, angry.

'It may be as you say, General, but you must not do anything to make us ridiculous. Let me go back to Swensen-Crowley and explain, and I may be able to persuade him to pass on to you the supreme military authority he holds.'

Oakley-Dobbins agreed, and Norwich-Ortega went back to the main camp and told Swensen-Crowley what had passed.

Swensen-Crowley replied, 'When near death the Prime Minister confided to me that Oakley-Dobbins would turn traitor. I sent him the authority to test him, and now he has discovered himself as the Prime Minister foretold. So I will direct Sparrow-McCollum to command the rearguard.'

The coffer containing the remains of Orchard-Lafayette was sent on in advance, and Sparrow-McCollum took up his post to cover the retreat.

Meanwhile Oakley-Dobbins sat in his tent waiting for the return of Norwich-Ortega and was perplexed at the delay. When the suspense became unbearable, he sent Winston-Mallory to find out the reason.

Winston-Mallory returned and told him: 'Sparrow-McCollum is covering the retreat, and that most of the army has already gone.'

Oakley-Dobbins was furious.

'How dare he play with me, the pedantic blockhead?' cried he. 'But he shall die for this.'

Turning to Winston-Mallory, Oakley-Dobbins said, 'Will you help me?'

Winston-Mallory replied, 'I have long hated Swensen-Crowley; certainly I am ready to attack him.'

So Oakley-Dobbins broke camp and marched southward.

By the time Bonelli-Xenos had reached the Shu camps, they were all empty, and he hastened back with this news.

'Then Orchard-Lafayette is really dead; let us pursue,' said Whitmore-Honeycutt, much irritated at being misled.

'Be cautious,' said Bonelli-Xenos. 'Send an subordinate leader first.'

'No; I must go myself this time.'

So Whitmore-Honeycutt and his two sons hastened to the Lorquin Hills. With shouts and waving flags, they rushed into the camps, only to find them quite deserted.

Whitmore-Honeycutt said to his sons, 'You are to bring up the remaining force with all speed, whereas I will lead the vanguard.'

Whitmore-Honeycutt hastened in the wake of the retreating army. Coming to some hills, he saw them in the distance and pressed on still harder. Then suddenly a bomb exploded, a great shout broke the stillness, and the retiring army turned about and came toward him, ready for battle. In their midst fluttered a great banner bearing the words, 'Prime Minister of Han, Lord of Wuxiang-Emporia, Orchard-Lafayette'.

Whitmore-Honeycutt stopped, pale with fear. Then out from the army came some score of generals of rank, and they were escorting a small carriage, in which sat Orchard-Lafayette as he had always appeared, in his hand the feather fan.

'Then Orchard-Lafayette is still alive!' gasped Whitmore-Honeycutt. 'And I have rashly placed myself in his power.'

As he pulled round his horse to flee, Sparrow-McCollum shouted, 'Do not try to run away, O rebel; you have fallen into one of the Prime Minister's traps and would better stay!'

The soldiers, seized with panic, fled, throwing off all their gear. They trampled each other down, and many perished. Their leader galloped fifteen miles without pulling rein. When at last two of his generals came up with him, and had stopped his flying steed by catching at the bridle, Whitmore- Honeycutt clapped his hand to his head, crying, 'Have I still a head?'

'Do not fear, General, the soldiers of Shu are now far away,' they replied.

But he still panted with fear, and only after some time did he recognize that his two companions were Bonelli-Xenos and Phillips-Xenos. The three found their way by by-roads to their own camp, whence scouts were sent out in all directions.

In a few days the natives brought news: 'The Shu army had really gone, and as soon as the retiring army entered the valley, they raised a wailing for the dead and hoisted white flags. Orchard-Lafayette was really dead, and Sparrow-McCollum's rearguard consisted of only one thousand troops. The figure in the carriage was only a wooden image of the Prime Minister.'

'While he lived, I could guess what he would do; dead, I was helpless,' said Whitmore-Honeycutt.

The people had a saying that a dead Orchard-Lafayette was enough to scare off a live Whitmore-Honeycutt.

In the depth of night a brilliant star
Fell from the northern sky;
Doubts stayed Whitmore-Honeycutt
When he would pursue
His dead, but fearsome enemy.
And even now the western people,
With scornful smile, will say
'Oh, is my head on my shoulder still?
It was nearly lost today.'

Now indeed Whitmore-Honeycutt knew that his rival was no more, so he retook the pursuit. But when he reached the Red Hills, the Shu army had marched too far away.

As he took the homeward road, he said to his officers, 'We can now sleep in comfort.'

As they marched back, they saw the camps of their enemies, and were amazed at their skillful arrangement.

'Truly a wonderful genius?' sighed Whitmore-Honeycutt.

The armies of Wei returned to Changan-Annapolis; leaving officers to guard the various strategic points. Whitmore-Honeycutt himself went on to Luoyang-Peoria to see the audience.

Swensen-Crowley and Sparrow-McCollum retired slowly and in good order till they neared the Plank Trail, when they donned mourning garb and began to wail for their dead. The soldiers threw themselves on the ground and wailed in sorrow. Some even wailed themselves to death.

But as the leading companies entered upon the Plank Trail, they saw a great blaze in front, and, with a great shout, a cohort came out barring the way. The leaders of the retreating army were taken aback and sent to inform Swensen-Crowley.

The regiments of Wei are nowhere near,
Then who are these soldiers that now appear?

The next chapter will tell who they were.

CHAPTER 105

The Lord of Wuxiang-Emporia Leaves A Plan In The Silken Bag; The Ruler of Wei Removes The Bronze Statue With The Dew Bowl.

Swensen-Crowley sent forward a man to find out what force this was that stood in his way, and the scout returned to say they were