“No.”
“How about if I found out that she was dealing drugs or stealing money?”
“You’re reaching, Ilene.”
“Am I?”
“This isn’t about drugs or money.”
“I know, but in both cases it is irrelevant to the health of my patient.”
Mike thought about that. “Suppose you found a medical problem in Dante Loriman’s test. Suppose you found out that he had a lymphoma. Would you tell him?”
“Of course.”
“But why? As you just pointed out, he’s not your patient. He’s not your concern.”
“Come on, Mike. That’s different. My job is to help my patient- Lucas Loriman-get better. Mental health is part of that. Before we do a transplant, we make our patients go through psychiatric counseling, right? Why? Because we worry about their mental health in these situations. Causing tremendous upheaval in the Loriman household will not benefit my patient’s health. Period, end of story.”
They both took a second.
“It’s not that easy,” Mike said.
“I know.”
“This secret will weigh heavy on us.”
“That’s why I shared it with you.” Ilene spread her arms and smiled. “Why should I be the only one with sleepless nights?”
“You’re a great partner.”
“Mike?”
“Yes?”
“If it was you, if I ran a test like this and found out that Adam wasn’t your biological son, would you want to know?”
“Adam not my son? Have you seen the size of his ears?”
She smiled. “I’m trying to make a point. Would you want to know?”
“Yes.”
“Just like that?”
“I’m a control freak. You know that. I need to know everything.”
Mike stopped.
“What?” she said.
He sat back, crossed his legs. “Are we going to keep avoiding the elephant in the room?”
“That was my plan, yes.”
Mike waited.
Ilene Goldfarb sighed. “Go ahead, say it.”
“If our first credo is indeed ‘First do no harm’…”
She closed her eyes. “Yeah, yeah.”
“We don’t have a good donor for Lucas Loriman,” Mike said. “We’re still trying to find one.”
“I know.” Ilene closed her eyes and said, “And the most obvious candidate would be the biological father.”
“Right. He’s our best chance now for a solid match.”
“We need to test him. That’s priority one.”
“We can’t bury it,” Mike said. “Even if we want to.”
They took that in.
“So now what do we do?” Ilene asked.
“I’m not sure we have much of a choice.”
BETSY Hill waited to confront Adam in the high school parking lot.
She looked behind her at “Mom Row,” the curb along Maple Avenue where the moms-yes, there was the occasional dad but that was more the exception that proved the rule-sat in idling cars or gathered to chat with other moms, waiting for school to let out so they could shepherd their offspring to the violin lesson or the orthodontist appointment or the karate class.
Betsy Hill used to be one of those mothers.
She had started as one of those mothers at the kindergarten drop-off at Hillside Elementary and then middle school at Mount Pleasant and finally here, just twenty yards from where she now stood. She remembered waiting for her beautiful Spencer, hearing the bell, peering out the windshield, watching the kids erupt-exit like ants scattering after a human boot toes their hill. She’d smile when she first laid eyes on him and most of the time, especially in the early days, Spencer would smile back.
She missed being that young mother, the naivete you are granted with your firstborn. It was different now, with the twins, even before Spencer’s death. She looked back at those mothers, at the way they did it without a care or thought or fear, and she wanted to hate them.
The bell sounded. The doors opened. The students made their way out in giant waves.
And Betsy almost started looking for Spencer.
It was one of those brief moments when your brain just can’t go there anymore, and you forget how horrible everything is now, and you think, for just a brief second, that it was all a bad dream. Spencer would walk out, his backpack on one shoulder, his posture in teenage stoop, and Betsy would see him and think that he needed a hair-cut and looked pale.
People talk about the stages of grief-denial, anger, bargaining, depression, acceptance-but those stages tend to blend more in tragedy. You never stop denying. Part of you is always angry. And the whole idea of “acceptance” is obscene. Some shrinks prefer the word “resolution.” Semantically the notion was better, but it still made her want to scream.
What exactly was she doing here?
Her son was dead. Confronting one of his friends would not change that.
But for some reason it felt like it might.
So maybe Spencer hadn’t been alone that whole night. What did that change? Cliche, yes, but it wouldn’t bring him back. What was she hoping to find here?
Resolution?
And then she spotted Adam.
He was walking alone, the backpack weighing him down-weigh- ing them all down, when she thought about it. Betsy kept her eyes on Adam and moved right so that she would be in his path. Like most kids, Adam walked with his eyes down. She waited, adjusting her stance a little left or right, making sure that she stayed in front of him.
Finally, when he got close enough, she said, “Hi, Adam.”
He stopped and looked up. He was a nice-looking boy, she thought. They all were at this age. But Adam too had changed. They had all crossed some adolescent line. He was big now, tall with muscles, much more a man than a boy. She could still see the child in his face, but she could also see something like a challenge too.
“Oh,” he said. “Hi, Mrs. Hill.”
Adam started to walk away, now veering toward his left.
“Can I talk to you a moment?” Betsy called out.
He glided to a stop. “Uh, sure. Of course.”
Adam jogged toward her with athletic ease. Adam had always been a good athlete. Not Spencer. Had that been part of it? Life is so much easier in towns like this when you’re a good athlete.
He stopped maybe six feet in front of her. He couldn’t meet her eye, but few high school boys could. For a few seconds she did not say anything. She just looked at him.
“You wanted to talk to me?” Adam said.
“Yes.”
More silence. More staring. He squirmed.
“I’m really sorry,” he said.
“About?”
That answer surprised him.
“About Spencer.”
“Why?”
He didn’t reply, his eyes everywhere but on her.
“Adam, look at me.”
She was still the adult; he was still the kid. He obeyed.
“What happened that night?”
He swallowed and said, “Happened?”
“You were with Spencer.”
He shook his head. His face drained of color.
“What happened, Adam?”
“I wasn’t there.”
She held up the picture from the MySpace page, but his eyes were back on the ground.
“Adam.”
