“Nicholas, I am not at all sure I have the fortitude to be your countess.”
“Fortitude?” Nick’s brow shot up. “I’m not going to pester you for your favors, Leah.”
“And that’s part of the problem,” she said gently. “I will want a kind of intimacy I can never have with you, and I know from experience what it’s like to yearn that way.”
Nick cocked his head in puzzlement, because this was female logic, and thus, a contradiction in terms. “You miss Frommer that much?”
“I miss Aaron, but mostly I feel crushing guilt for his death. I don’t refer to him, though, so much as I do to being raised by a man who cannot abide me. I wanted my papa to love me, Nick, to approve of me. As far back as I can recall, I was consumed with being as good as I could be, as smart, as demure, as clean, as quiet—whatever I could imagine him wanting me to be. I tried to excel at that. And he has never, not once, suggested he’s proud of me or pleased with me or anything but burdened by the fact that I draw breath.”
“I see,” Nick said, bringing his horse to a halt. To keep her safe, he was going to have to break her heart. This was not fair to him, and it was grossly unjust to her.
“I don’t know if you
“You think I’ll hate you?”
“No, Nicholas,” Leah said as grooms approached to take their horses. “I’m afraid I will learn to hate you.”
Nick said nothing to that, as resentment was something he’d anticipated from her. Resentment not for withholding sexual intimacy, but rather because he was rescuing her from her father. Damsels with backbone, wit, heart, and dreams did not
Hatred was a significant remove from resentment though, and the thought gave Nicholas pause. Leah assumed he would not be faithful, and Nick wasn’t going to argue her conclusion, but with her—with this whole business of acquiring a wife—he was at sea, and in too great a hurry to have the uncertainty end and the marriage get under way.
They collected Lindsey’s agreement to escort the ladies back to Town two days hence, and Nick was soon riding around the curve in Lindsey’s lane with Leah perched on the sedate mare at his side.
Nick paused as a noise came to them from the direction of Lindsey’s stables.
“What is that?” Leah asked, patting her mare. “The horses heard it too.”
“Just a child,” Nick decided. “A happy child, based on the glee in that shriek.”
“You know a happy child when you hear one?”
“I do. Or I know if you can’t tell if it’s a happy shriek, then it is, because an unhappy shriek is utterly apparent, painfully so.”
“Hmm.”
Nick slanted her a curious smile. “What does that mean?”
“For a man averse to siring children,” Leah remarked pleasantly, “you are certainly discerning about them.” She nudged her mare into a relaxed canter, sparing Nick the effort of a reply.
Which was a good thing, because he hadn’t one.
“You could stop pacing a hole in Lady Nita’s carpets,” Ethan suggested amiably.
“I can’t help but feel I should have escorted the ladies back to London,” Nick grumbled. “If Wilton means Leah harm, there is a limit to the protection her brothers can offer her.”
“Wilton will not touch a hair on her head,” Ethan replied, “if he thinks she’s about to bring a baby earl up to scratch.”
“And a particularly brawny baby earl at that,” Val added from the piano bench. “Besides, we’re going back to Town tomorrow, so sit you down and stop distracting me.”
“Ethan?” Nick aimed a look at his brother. “You coming with us?”
“I am. Nita is ready to roll us up in a carpet and toss us to the tinkers.”
“Your business with the earl is satisfactorily concluded?” Neither Ethan nor the earl had said a word to Nick, suggesting Ethan had been afflicted with a case of the dithers too.
“It is not. If I make plans to leave, then I’ll see to it.”
“You’ve just made plans to leave.”
Ethan scowled at him. “Nicholas, you are being irksome. Do we conclude you’ve been on your good behavior too long?”
“Not funny, Ethan,” Nick growled, but then he offered a conciliatory smile. “Though perhaps accurate.”
“I’ve made friends with one of the upstairs maids,” Val put in helpfully.
“Tonia.” Nick smiled briefly. “But you are a guest, while I am nominally in charge here. I do not trifle with the help.”
“She is trifling with my helpless young self,” Val said, smiling beatifically. “It’s a novel experience, and I could grow to like it.”
“Time to get young Windham back to Town,” Ethan murmured. “And your randy self too, Nicholas. I’m off to see the earl, and if I don’t emerge whole within the hour, fetch the surgeon and the vicar, for one of us will need same.”
He sauntered off, his casual tone belying the serious nature of his errand.
Val watched as Nick resumed his perambulations about a parlor that was larger than most but felt no bigger than one of the loose boxes in the stable. “I didn’t set out to tumble your maid, Nick. Apologies, if that’s what troubles you, but she was rather… persistent.”
“Tonia was persisting her way into beds when I was just a sprout. Tumble all you like, and give her my regards.”
“I don’t suppose the occasion will arise, as it were.” Val shifted the mood of the piece he was concocting, from playful and light to sweet and soothing. “What troubles you, Nicholas?”
“I wish I knew.” Nick lowered himself beside Val on the piano bench. “What are you playing?”
Val shrugged. “Just notes. You may chime in, I’ll stay below high G.”
“Shameless.” Nick sipped at his drink. “Now you are attempting to trifle with me.”
“Dodging,” Val murmured, “prevaricating, weaseling…”
“I think I am more distracted to be away from Leah than to be away from my usual consorts. I’ll want to leave early tomorrow,” Nick said, rising from the bench. “You’re welcome to sleep in and follow with the coach. I’ve no idea what time Ethan will rise, but I plan to head out at first light.”
“Why?” Val brought his piece to a gentle close and rose from the bench, rubbing his backside with both hands. “London isn’t going anywhere, and you should at least eat and rest before making a journey.”
As if he’d be able to sleep or have any interest in food.
“I am to meet Leah tomorrow afternoon in the park. She’s promised me an answer to my proposal.”
Val left off rubbing his delicate fundament. “Are you more concerned she’ll have you, or reject you?”
And why did Valentine choose now to focus on something other than his music? “God help me, Val, I do not know. I simply do not know, but in my gut, I cannot like that I let her return to Town without one of us to keep an eye on her.”
“Lady Warne will man the crow’s nest,” Val reminded him, crossing to the sideboard, “and Darius and Trenton Lindsey can spike Wilton’s cannon for a day or two. Speaking of Darius…”
“Yes?”
“Have you ever seen such a collection of misfits as he has staffing his estate?” Val poured a half portion of brandy into Nick’s glass, and a full measure for himself. “I hadn’t pegged him as the charitable sort,” Val went on. “Those females on his arm suggest he’s more the type to play hard and fast.”
“I tried to tell him Blanche Cowell would eat him alive, but he merely laughed.” Nick frowned in thought. “It wasn’t a happy laugh, either, Val. At first I thought he was simply being foolish, but I do not take him for a fool
