“Dev,” she murmured. “I can’t.”
“No, I know.” Breathless, Dev forced herself upright. Her stomach was a hard
ball of arousal, her legs shaking as if she’d run a marathon.
She curled her hands into ? sts at her sides. “I’m so sorry. I don’t know what
happened.” She took a step back, then another, then the darkness closed
around her.
“Dev,” Leslie called, but there was only the night.
v
Dev drove along Lakeshore Road for miles. This time, she was sober and
careful, but her mind and body still echoed with memories of Leslie. Like the ?
rst time, but in? nitely more intense. She smelled her, tasted her on her lips, felt
her body along every inch of skin. Her stomach cramped with wanting. Her
hands trembled on the wheel.
“Oh Christ,” she groaned aloud. “Why can’t I get free of her?”
She didn’t expect an answer, because she knew there wasn’t one.
Because it wasn’t Leslie, not the woman she’d practically accosted an hour ago,
who haunted her. It was the girl she’d lost and never gotten over missing. It was
the dreams that had died and that she couldn’t let go of. It was something inside
of her that kept the memories alive, even though she’d thought she’d put them to
rest. She drove until fatigue replaced desire, at least for the moment.
By the time she pulled into the parking lot at Lakeview it was the middle of the
night. The lodge was dark. She took a small ? ashlight from her glove box and
used it to light her way through the woods to her cabin. She did not look toward
Leslie’s as she passed, although it took effort not to. When she turned onto the
path to her own place, she felt a change in the air. She slowed.
“Les?”
“Can we talk?” Leslie said from the darkness.
• 127 •
RADCLY fFE
She sounded as weary as Dev felt.
“Okay,” Dev said as she climbed the steps to the porch. She sat next to her and
switched off her light. “Have you been here the whole time?”
“Yes.”
“You must be cold. I’ll get you a jacket.”
Leslie caught Dev’s arm to stop her, then quickly let go. “No.
That’s okay, I have one. What about you?”
“I’ll get one if I need it.” Her voice was raspy, as if she hadn’t used it in a long
time. She dangled her arms over her knees, careful not to touch Leslie. She
drew a breath to speak, but Leslie did ? rst.
“There are some things I need to tell you,” Leslie said.
“No, you don’t. What happened—”
“Just wait. Just this once, don’t be so sure you know what I’m going to say.”
Dev stiffened, but nodded. “Okay.”
“What happened by the lake that night was…innocent. You kissed me and I
kissed you.” She laughed ? atly, thinking she’d heard that line somewhere
before, but it meant so much more now. “That happens millions of times
between teenagers everywhere, except it wasn’t supposed to happen between
us because we were both girls. Jesus.”
“It wasn’t all that innocent,” Dev said quietly. “I knew—in my heart, I knew
what I felt. What it meant.”
“It was still innocent,” Leslie said sharply. “How could it have been otherwise?
We were in love.”
The words tore through Dev’s heart and she gripped her knees harder.
“What Mike did was horrible.” Leslie paused, her breath shuddering from her.
“And what I did was worse. What I said—” She turned, trying to read Dev’s
face in the shadows. “I don’t know why I said what I said. It wasn’t true. I was
scared, I guess. Whatever, it doesn’t matter now. I just want you to know it
wasn’t true.”
“Thank you,” Dev whispered.
“There’s something else you need to know,” Leslie said, ? nding the present
truths even more dif? cult than the past.
Dev shook her head. “It’s time to let all that go, Les. For both of us.”
“I know. But it’s not about then. It’s about now.”
• 128 •
WHEN DREAMS TREMBLE
The hollow note in Leslie’s voice struck a deeper sense of dread in Dev’s heart
than Leslie’s shocked cry earlier. Suddenly, she felt cold.
She waited.
“I’m not sure exactly what happened down by the lake tonight,”
Leslie said hesitantly. “I think part of me was back there, the night we kissed
and then Mike…hurt you. I remember how good you felt to me that night. How
right.” Her voice dropped to a hush. “How much I wanted you to touch me.”
Dev’s nails dug into her palms, and she bit her lip so hard holding back a groan
that she drew blood.
“When you kissed me tonight, it was like before. All the old feelings came back
and it was like I knew you. I wanted you.”
“Except it wasn’t really us anymore.” Dev’s chest ached with the sadness that
welled within her.
“No.” Leslie started to reach out, but thought better of it. Nothing she could do
would change the truth. “Devon, you’re seeing Natalie and I’m involved with
someone too. We’re neither of us free.”
Free. The word mocked Dev, because she wondered if she would ever be free,
or if she would merely move on while leaving parts of herself behind. Trying to
explain that Natalie was a friend seemed pointless, because Leslie was with
someone else.
“I might not know you now,” Dev said, rising, “but you strike me as a onewoman
woman.”
“Well, one at a time anyways,” Leslie said, trying to lighten the moment. She
stood, noticing for the ? rst time that Dev was shivering.
“You should go inside. I just want you to know that it wasn’t anything you did
that upset me. Ever.”
Dev put her hands in her pockets, because she knew Leslie was about to walk
away. And God help her, she didn’t want her to go. Even though every word
Leslie spoke hurt her in a way she hadn’t thought possible, she didn’t want her
to go. And that was exactly why one of them had to. And soon.
“Thanks, Leslie,” Dev said quietly.
“For what?”
“For being the one to say no.”
Leslie trembled as a ? ood of longing washed through her. Strangers or not,
