“God, this must be killing you! Lying on the ground with me on top of you?”
Immediately guilty, angry with herself for not thinking of Dev—again—Leslie
tried to lift herself off Dev. “Why didn’t you say something? Damn it, Dev—”
Dev tightened her grip on Leslie’s shoulder, and since there was very little room
to maneuver in the bag, it wasn’t dif? cult to keep Leslie
• 158 •
WHEN DREAMS TREMBLE
in place. “It’s plenty warm in here and my leg feels ? ne. Stop fussing before
one of us gets an elbow in the eye.”
Still grumbling, Leslie settled back down, but their positions had altered just
enough that her leg came to rest between Dev’s. She heard Dev gasp and knew
that her own breath had caught audibly.
“Sorry,” Leslie said, trying unsuccessfully to disentangle her leg.
She needed to get away from Dev, immediately. The place where her thigh
rested high up between Dev’s legs was hot, and she imagined the warmth of
Dev’s sex cupped in her palm. The ridge of Dev’s hipbone snugged into her
mons, and she barely resisted the urge to rub against her. She was full and
throbbing and Dev’s ? rm body felt so good. So terribly good. When she
clenched inside, instantly wet, she pushed at Dev’s chest. “I need to get out.
Can you reach the zipper?”
“What’s wrong? Where are you going?” Dev asked thickly.
Somehow her hands had ended up nestled in the curve of Leslie’s lower back.
Another inch and Leslie would be completely on top of her, and Dev would be
lost. Most of her wanted to be lost, because somehow she knew it would feel
like being found. But the little part of her that was still able to stand apart and
look down at them in the sleeping bag, with the world a screaming, swirling
chaos outside, told her it was not the time. She groaned softly. “When will it
ever be the time?”
“What?” Leslie whispered when Dev murmured something into her hair that she
couldn’t make out. When Dev merely shook her head, Leslie stroked her
cheek. Dev’s cheek was damp, and she was shaking.
Leslie wasn’t sure why, but Dev was hurting, and knowing that was breaking
her heart. Could the truth be so terrible? “I want to make love with you.”
“I want to too,” Dev said, lying absolutely still, her hands barely making contact.
She was afraid of losing it again, like she had the ? rst time and then again last
week. But the wanting was a huge void begging to be ? lled, a pain more
profound than any broken bone or mangled muscle had ever been. “I’ve wanted
you for so long.”
The tent ? lled with silence louder than the storm.
Truth, Leslie thought. The one thing she still owed Dev, what she would always
owe her, was truth. The words tore at Leslie’s throat. “I want you so much, but
I’m afraid it’s a mistake.”
“I know it is.” Dev ran her ? ngers through Leslie’s hair, then cupped the back
of her neck. Leslie’s breasts were cleaved to hers, their stomachs moving
together as they breathed, their intertwined
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RADCLY fFE
legs trembling. Leslie lifted her head as if to speak and Dev kissed her tenderly,
just the barest touch of lips. An ache of wonder ? lled her chest and her words
came out on a sob. “I know it’s a mistake, Les, but I don’t feel it. When I touch
you, when I’m anywhere near you, places open up inside of me that are ? lled
with sunlight. Places that have been dark for so long.”
“Oh God, Dev,” Leslie whispered, wanting to kiss her so badly.
She hungered for Dev’s passion to ? ood over her the way it had every time
they’d kissed, and the force of her wanting terri? ed her. “I can’t tell anymore
what’s real and what isn’t. Up until a few weeks ago I knew exactly who I was,
what I was doing, where I was going. Now I…I hardly recognize myself.”
“Do you love her?”
The question pierced Leslie’s heart, because she had never asked it herself. Of
herself. Even though she couldn’t see Dev clearly in the pitch-black tent, Leslie
closed her eyes. She didn’t need to see Dev’s face to hear the pain, and knew
what the asking had cost her. She kept her eyes closed while she searched for
an answer, because she couldn’t bear to see ever again what her words did to
Dev. Truth. God, what was truth? Were there gradations of truth? Was
something true only if she didn’t know any other way to be, any other way to
feel? When had truth become relative for her? When had love?
Did she love Rachel? Two years. She’d been a willing partner in making the
relationship whatever it was or wasn’t. Rachel was not at fault for never giving
Leslie what she hadn’t demanded, and Leslie would not negate her as she had
once negated Dev. She took a deep breath and refused to qualify or excuse—
as much as her heart screamed out for her to. “Yes.”
With trembling ? ngers, Dev traced Leslie’s face in the dark—her forehead, her
cheeks, her mouth. Then she unzipped the bag. “I’m going to get out. Keep the
bag closed so you don’t lose all the heat.”
“What are you going to do?” Leslie forced herself to release her hold on Dev
and rolled over onto her side as the bag opened and Dev extricated herself.
Dev sat up and rummaged for the lantern and turned it on, then checked her
watch. “It’s midnight. If the rain doesn’t let up enough for us to chance taking
the boat out on the lake in the morning, we’ll have to try starting a ? re to dry
out some of our gear. The tent’s holding, but the ? oor’s damp.”
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WHEN DREAMS TREMBLE
Leslie caught Dev’s arm. “What are you going to do for the rest of the night,
Dev?”
“I’m going to hunt out whatever dryish wood I can and get it under a tarp.”
“You’re not going anywhere.” Leslie threw back the top of the sleeping bag, sat
up next to Dev, and clamped a hand on her arm.
“Besides the rain, it’s not safe out there. In case you’ve forgotten, trees are
falling like matchsticks. If one comes down on you, I’d never ? nd you.”
“Les, I’ll be okay.”
“No.”
Dev looked away. On Leslie, anger looked a lot like arousal. And Dev was still
very close to boiling, and the pressure of Leslie’s ? ngers digging into her arm
was as potent as a caress. If they struggled in the small space, she’d lose the last
frayed rein on the desire that was choking her. She’d be all over Leslie, and
there were only so many times she could stop. “Okay. We should both try to
get some sleep, then. I’ll put on some extra clothes and sleep on top of the bag.
I’ll be okay.”
“That’s absolutely ridiculous,” Leslie barked. “We ought to be capable of
