Leslie smiled. “I know, Mom. I’m trying.”
“All right, then. Call sometime. I miss you.”
“Me too,” Leslie said softly.
“Let me see if I understand this correctly,” Rachel said, appraising Leslie
steadily over the top of her wineglass. Sitting forward on Leslie’s sofa, she took
another sip of her Pinot Noir, then cradled the crystal goblet between her long,
elegant ? ngers. “You’re telling me you want to change the terms of our
relationship, but you’re not involved with anyone else?”
“That’s right,” Leslie said quietly.
Rachel tapped a ? nger on her glass. “You’re not sleeping with anyone else, but
you want to stop sleeping with me.”
“Yes.”
“Forgive me if I’m being dense,” Rachel said, “because I was under the
impression that we got along very well, in and out of the bedroom. But most
de? nitely in the bedroom.”
“We do.” Leslie knew this was going to be dif? cult to explain.
Not because she expected Rachel to lose her temper or create a scene, but
because Leslie had never indicated that she wanted her relationship with Rachel
to be more than what it was. And she hadn’t, not until she’d felt what love was
like. “I love thrashing out legal issues with you, and I enjoy being with you.” She
rubbed her forehead. “God, Rach, I’m really trying to avoid cliches here, but
this isn’t about anything you’ve done. It really is about me.”
Rachel smiled wryly. “The next thing I know, you’re going to tell me you want to
be friends.”
“I do want that. If we can.” Leslie met Rachel’s eyes and saw the confusion in
them. This wasn’t right. Rachel deserved more. She deserved the truth. “I’m not
seeing anyone else. But there is someone else I…I’m in love with.”
“A woman, I hope.”
“God, yes,” Leslie said, laughing brie? y.
“You’re in love with another woman, but you’re not sleeping with her.”
“I’m not doing anything with her. I told you, we don’t have a relationship.”
Rachel shook her head. “I’m not tracking here, darling. You’re going to have to
spell it out.”
“When I was up at the lake, I rekindled a…a relationship with a woman I knew
years ago. I was in love with her in high school, and I
guess I’ve been a little bit in love with her all my life. Now I know it, and it
doesn’t feel right being with you.”
“Does she know how you feel about her?” Rachel leaned back and crossed her
legs, her charcoal pinstripe silk skirt sliding to mid-thigh.
She stretched one arm out along the back of the sofa, her suit jacket falling open
and her blouse tightening across her breasts.
It was a seductive pose, and Leslie knew Rachel knew it. She looked away.
“Yes and no. About before, yes. About now, not exactly.”
“So you’re doing the honorable thing before you and she—”
“No,” Leslie said quickly. “I don’t…we don’t have any plans for anything.”
“You’re going to stop seeing me because of a high school crush?”
Rachel’s tone was more incredulous than angry. “And you’re not even pursuing
her?”
“I’m pretty turned around right now, Rach. I just don’t feel like I can be with
anyone.”
“Maybe you need to take some more time off. I’ve never seen you like this.”
“You mean emotionally all over the place?” Leslie knew she always appeared to
be in control because she always kept her emotions so tightly under wraps. But
now she couldn’t. She couldn’t push the memory of Dev away, or what she felt
for her, or what she didn’t feel for Rachel. She couldn’t go back to being
completely focused on work and contenting herself with a casual sexual
relationship. Part of her mind was always thinking about Dev. About where she
was. What she was doing. If she was with Natalie. If she was happy. If she
missed Leslie as much as Leslie missed her.
“A few weeks off won’t change anything,” Leslie said gently.
“And it doesn’t feel fair to keep seeing you when I feel this way.”
“You can’t be happy about this.”
Leslie closed her eyes for an instant, then smiled weakly. “I’m not, but it’s what
I have to do.”
“We have an excellent physical relationship, and we enjoy each other’s
company. You’re not seeing anyone else, and neither am I.”
Rising, Rachel set her glass down and glided over to Leslie. She cupped her jaw
and raised her head. “Why give this up?”
Leslie felt the familiar pull of Rachel’s mouth moving over hers,
those long ? ngers caressing her neck, a warm hand cupping her breast.
Her nipple hardened in Rachel’s palm and she heard Rachel’s murmur of
approval. Carefully, she eased back, breaking the kiss and the caress.
“My heart’s not in it, Rachel. And I need it to be. I’m sorry.”
Rachel straightened. “I’m not going to wait.”
“I didn’t think you would.” Leslie stood. “I wouldn’t ask you to.”
“But,” Rachel said, running her ? ngertip along Leslie’s jaw, “I think it might
take me quite some time to ? nd anyone I enjoy as much as you, especially in
the bedroom. So call me, if you decide you miss it.”
“You can call me too,” Leslie said softly, knowing Rachel wouldn’t. Rachel
didn’t have friends, she didn’t have time. She had colleagues to challenge her
mind and a lover to satisfy her body. Leslie doubted Rachel would go long
without ? nding someone else. She burned too fast and too brightly not to have
her needs met. “I’m sorry.
I hate hurting you.”
“I know, darling.” Rachel’s eyes were cool, her expression remote.
“I’ll miss you, but I won’t suffer. If I were the kind of person who did, you
probably wouldn’t be leaving.”
Leslie said nothing. If she’d thought Rachel would be devastated, she still would
have found a way to say goodbye. She wasn’t doing either of them any favors
pretending that what they had was enough for her. And no matter what they
shared, it wouldn’t be enough to keep her from wanting Dev.
“Take care, Rachel,” Leslie said, walking with her to the door.
Rachel collected her briefcase and keys. “I’ve never known you to be a
coward, Leslie. If you love the woman, for God’s sake, do something about it.”
“Thank you, Counselor,” Leslie said, smiling ? eetingly. “I’ll take that under
serious advisement.”
