Hey, West.
I am really sick today and I’m just going to stay in bed, so I’m sorry I’ll miss seeing you today at school. Because you always make my day. And I’m bummed because I won’t see you tomorrow, either, so I have to tell you good luck in your game and have fun. And I hope your dumb coach lets you play, because you deserve to play more than most of the jerks on your team. So, do good, and score lots of whatever you call scores in rugby, and I will be thinking about you.
I don’t mind missing classes today, though. Mr. Wellins is a creepy, dirty man, and I don’t care what he says—everything in the world is not a symbol of penises and vaginas, except for maybe the Space Needle, which you will see when we go to Seattle on Friday.
I am excited you get to come to my house this weekend. You will like my mom and dad, but probably not my dog. It’s a pug named Pedro who likes to hump people, especially boys. Oh . . . if I forgot to tell you, I hope you’re not allergic to horny dogs (ha ha). I’m sure you and Pedro will get along just fine. You are kindred spirits (ha ha). The horny part, I mean, not the gay part. Trust me, I KNOW you are not gay, but my dog is, I think. No, yeah, he REALLY is gay.
I am sorry you got your head cracked open by JP, and I hope you are feeling better today. Everyone says you were beating the crap out of him before that happened, and that you were both really mad, so everyone says you deserved it and that you cheap-shotted him in the balls and stuff. Why are you mad at JP? Is it because he asked me out? You don’t have to answer that, because I know that’s why. Whatever, West.
Okay. One more thing. Last night, were we about to kiss or something? That is too weird to handle, West, and I’m not saying it was your fault or anything. I think it was mine. Maybe I felt so sorry for you sitting over with the little kids all alone with those stitches in your head. But it won’t happen again.
Oh, and make sure you bring some running stuff with you this weekend. I have some really nice runs down by the beach and the woods on Bainbridge Island, which is where we live. And I’ll tell my mom to make sure and pick up some doggie breath mints, because my gay pug can’t wait to meet you in person (ha ha).
Well, I’m going to go vomit now. Play good tomorrow. I will see you at school on Friday, okay?
Bye,
Love,
AA
So I knew she really did want to kiss me. And, as far as I was concerned, her it- won’t-happen-again was nothing more than a challenge. I had a perfect plan, thanks to her confession, and I had to get it down on paper before I forgot it. I tore open my backpack and began writing.
Dear Annie,
Wow. I really hope you are feeling better. And thanks for wishing me luck for the game. I promise I will score a try (that’s what they’re called in rugby) just for you, but if not, I will play my best, and I’m pretty sure Coach M will have me in the lineup, because Joey said he wants me there, and Joey is the captain. So I will be thinking about you tomorrow too.
To me, honestly, it sounds like BOTH you AND Mr. Wellins need to get your minds off of sex and think about something else. I never knew you thought the Space Needle looks like a penis (ha ha).
I can’t wait to see you on Friday. I am so excited about flying to Seattle with you. I have already packed, and I am bringing all three of my school pants so you can fix them like you said you would. Sorry, but you’re going to have to see me in my boxers, so try to control yourself when you do (ha ha ha). I am not allergic to dogs, but I think I will also bring doggie tranquilizers, because I don’t think I can handle getting humped by your gay pug dog. I think he AND Mr. Wellins need to deal with some issues, but not at my expense.
Oh, and about my head: It hurts worse today, but I’ll be okay. And, yeah, JP and I were going at it pretty good up until that happened. And we almost fought again after practice, too. We are definitely NOT friends anymore. And I don’t think we should talk about JP with each other, either. Okay?
I already packed my running stuff. It will be fun to run on the beach with you, so I hope you can push me pretty hard.
Now, one more thing: about last night. Man! I had no idea you were going to kiss me, Annie! Yuck!!!! I guess I was groggy from the stitches, but I didn’t ever think you’d try to do something like that! ’Cause, damn! Why would you want to kiss a LITTLE KID??? And, anyway, let me tell you that if I ever wanted to kiss you, I would have already done it. I am a guy, and that’s what guys do. That’s why we have BALLS. No big deal, but if I am not afraid to get in a fight with JP or Chas (who I punched last night), I wouldn’t be afraid to kiss you, believe me. I would have done it a long time ago. Here’s some calculus for you:
2 ? BALLS = YOU DO WHAT YOU WANT, WHEN YOU WANT TO DO IT.
I think the best thing for you to do to make yourself stronger and test your resolve is to make sure that we sleep as close to each other as possible this weekend. Like, maybe if you have a couch in your room or something (keep the gay dog out of there). That is the only way you can prove to yourself that you are really strong enough to keep yourself from ever trying to kiss me again. I will even sleep naked if I have to. But, man, am I surprised at you!
Remember, I am only thinking about you, and I need to help you get over this need you have to kiss me, no matter how much work is involved, so I am willing to make this huge sacrifice just for you.
I will play good tomorrow.
See you Friday.
Love,
Ryan Dean
PS—I drew a picture of the Space Needle for you . . . .
Perfect.
Now we’ll see about it-won’t-happen-again.
I folded the note just as the guys began coming in to the locker room. I wanted to change and get out of there before something else happened between JP and me.
