“Poor, poor Carleton. He is too shocked to realize fully what has happened. Do you think we should stay awhile?”
“Well, I suppose we must wait a bit. We couldn’t discuss anything with them at the moment. Perhaps after the funeral … bet’s wait and see how things go.”
When the opportunity came I asked Lucas if he thought we should go.
“Oh, not yet, please,” he said.
“My poor brother is in a state of numbed misery. I don’t think he can accept what’s happened just yet.
We have to think of him first of all. He relied on her more than even he realized. They were quite devoted to each other. I’m afraid we all took Theresa too much for granted . her good nature . her unselfishness . her way of playing down all the good she did to us all. We now see what a wonderful person she was. Carleton has been lucky . but that means it is going to be so much worse for him to face up to what he has lost. He’ll miss her every minute of the day.
We shall all miss her terribly . please don’t go yet, Rosetta. “
“James will have to go back to his work.”
“Yes … and he’ll be coming here soon to collect you.”
I nodded.
“But that doesn’t mean you have to go.”
“But of course I shall have to go with them. I shall have to leave when they do.”
“I can’t see why. You haven’t work to get back to.”
“I… I don’t think I should be wanted here … at a time like this.”
“That’s nonsense. I know your presence will help.”
I told Felicity what he had said.
“He’s right,” was her verdict.
“You’ve made a difference to him. I think you’ve been able to talk to him about that terrible time.”
“But I couldn’t stay here without you.”
She wrinkled her brows.
“I dare say your Aunt Maud would think you ought to go home. But, after all, I don’t see why you shouldn’t stay on a little. James will have to go back, of course, and I shall go with him.”
It was left at that and very soon after James arrived. His shock was great and by this time we were all learning something of the enormity of the tragedy which had overtaken this house.
Nanny Crockett said: “The place will never be the same again. Mrs. Lorimer was the one who saw it all went like clockwork. This is going to make a very big difference. But it’s the children I’m most worried about. They’re going to miss their mother. Oh, they’ve got me and they’ve got you now, but by golly, they are going to miss her. She was always in and out of the nursery. They used to wait for her visits. I don’t know what this is going to do to them.”
It was such a sad time. I was so desperately sorry for Carleton. He walked about like a man in a bewildered dream. Lucas said it was impossible to discuss anything. He could only talk about Theresa.
Lucas himself was deeply affected.
“This is the worst thing that could have happened to Carleton,” he said.
“I’ve been a selfish brute moaning about my own troubles … telling myself he was the lucky one everything fell to him and so on … and now there he is … there’s no comforting him.”
I was dreading the funeral. People came to the church from all over the neighbourhood. This was genuine mourning. Theresa had been loved and respected by so many.
Nanny Crockett kept the children in the nursery. I wondered what they were thinking as I listened to the dismal tolling of the bell. I thought of Simon who, years before, had heard a similar bell. To him it had meant the sound of doom, the loss of Angel and the plummeting into the unknown.
When everybody had left and the house was quiet, I went up to the nursery. Nanny Crockett was dressed in deep black. She shook her head sadly.
“They keep asking questions,” she said.
“What do you tell such little ones? They don’t understand.
“She’s gone to Heaven,” I say.
“When will she be back?” they ask.
“Well,” I say, “when people go to Heaven they stay a little while.”
Jennifer said, “It would be bad manners to go away too soon, wouldn’t it?” I nearly broke down. Then she said, “She’s having tea with God, I think, and the angels will be there.” It breaks your heart. “
The children had heard us and came running out.
They stood still, looking at me, their faces solemn. They sensed that something terrible was happening and everyone was very sad about it.
Jennifer looked at me and her face suddenly crumpled.
“I want my mummy,” she said.
I held out my arms and she ran to me. Henry followed her. I held them tightly.
That decided me. I could not leave immediately. I must stay for a while.
I was glad I stayed. I felt I was doing something useful and that I brought a modicum of comfort to that stricken household.
I spent a great deal of time in the nursery with the children at that hour when it had been their mother’s custom to be with them; and between us Nanny Crockett and I managed to get them over the first tragic days of heartbreak. They were too young to understand fully what had happened and we smoothed away some of that uneasiness which they would inevitably feel; there were times when they would be absorbed in something and forget; but sometimes one of them would wake in the night and cry for Mummy. The other would wake and share the terrible loss. But usually either Nanny Crockett or I was there to offer comfort.
Carleton continued to be dazed. The blow was all the sharper for being unexpected. Fortunately there was a good deal of work to be done on the estate; that kept him busy and he was met with sympathy and understanding wherever he went. I knew he would never be the same again. He was particularly shattered because life had followed an even stream of contentment and he had expected it to go on doing so. I knew at times he found it hard to believe that this had really happened to him and he seemed unable to grasp that Theresa was no longer there and never would be again.
Lucas had grown philosophical. He did not expect life to flow peacefully. Tragedy had already struck him and he was not surprised that it had come again. Perhaps that was why he was able to face it more realistically.
He said to me: “You have done a great deal for us. It was fortunate for us that you were here when it happened.”
“I wish I could do more,” I told him.
“You and Nanny Crockett have been wonderful with the children. As for Carleton … only time will help him.”
We took short rides together and the days began to pass.
The Governess
I could not stay at Trecorn Manor indefinitely and I was not by any means looking forward to returning to London. I had come to Trecorn Manor with the hope of discovering something which would help me unravel the mystery; now I was seeing how ridiculously optimistic I had been.
Theresa’s death had temporarily forced that other tragedy into the background of my mind, but my obsession was returning. I sometimes felt that if I could get into Perrivale Court, really become acquainted with some of the main actors in the drama, I might make some progress. I had been foolish to hope that just because I was staying near the house I might accomplish this. I felt inadequate and alone. There were times when I was on the verge of taking Lucas into my confidence. He was clever, subtle. He might have ideas. On the other hand, he could dismiss my belief in Simon as romantic folly. In his realist way he would say, “The man was found with the gun in his hand and he ran away and would not face investigation. That speaks for itself. Simply because he happened to show a
