things became too difficult. It is amazing what strength there is in indifference.”
“I’ve always known that. That’s why I pretend to be indifferent to circumstances.”
I leaned my elbows on the table and studied him.
“Yes, you have done that, Lucas. And all the time you are not as indifferent as you seem.”
“Hardly ever. For one thing, I’m not indifferent about this governessing. I feel very strongly about it. That’s something I can’t pretend about. Tell me more of them. They’ve behaved well to you, have they?”
“Impeccably. I can have time off when I want and, you see, a horse to ride. A special one has been chosen for me a chestnut mare. Her name is Goldie.” I laughed. I felt so happy that he had asked me to meet him.
“Sounds cosy,” he said.
“It is. She wants me to know that they don’t regard me as an ordinary governess. Professor’s daughter and all that. It reminds me of when Felicity came to our house. It’s very like that.”
“Only she had an easier ride.”
“Dear Felicity. We were friends from the start.”
“Have you told her of your foolish exploits?”
“Not yet. I’ve been there such a short time really. I’m going to write to her. I wanted to work myself in first. I was telling you about Mirabel, young Lady Perrivale. There is an older one, you know. I’m inclined to think of her as Mirabel because that was what they called her in the papers. She is gracious and so is Sir Tristan.”
“So you have made his acquaintance?”
“Only briefly, but it was he who suggested the mount for me. And I may be invited to join the occasional dinner party.”
“A perquisite for a good governess … when it is a not very important occasion and someone is wanted to make up the numbers?”
“I think there might be one important occasion. They are thinking of asking you and Carleton. They have put it off because of Theresa’s death.”
I saw the interest in his eyes.
“So you and I will be fellow guests?”
“You will come when they ask, won’t you, Lucas?”
“I most certainly shall.”
“Is Carleton any better?”
He lifted his shoulders.
“I don’t think he’ll ever get over it. We’re a faithful lot, we Lorimers.”
“Poor Carleton. I grieve for him.”
“I feel guilty. I used to envy him, even saying, to myself:,. Why should everything go right for him? Why should this happen to me while he sails happily through? And now he is in a worse condition than I. I’ve got a useless leg and he has lost the one who was more important to him than anyone else. I wish I could do something for him, but I don’t know what.”
“Perhaps he’ll marry again.”
“It would be the best thing for him. He needs a wife. He’s lost without Theresa. But of course that would be in the future … far in the future. Trecorn is not a very happy household at the moment. If you came back it would relieve the gloom.”
I said: “The children … they are happy?”
“They are too young to grieve for long. I think they still ask for their mother and cry for her … and then they forget. Good old Nanny Crockett is wonderful with them, but I don’t forgive her for bringing all this about. Whatever possessed her to set it in motion?”
He was looking at me closely and I felt myself flushing.
“There must be a reason,” he went on.
I was telling myself: Explain, you owe it to him.
But I could not. It was not my secret to divulge.
After a while he said: “I think I understand. We shall never be as we were before, shall we? Sometimes I look back to the first time we met.
How different we were then . both of us. Can you remember me as I was? “
“Yes, perfectly.”
“And was I very different?”
“Yes,” I said.
“You were different, too. You were at school … very young… eager… innocent. And then on the ship together … how we used to sit on the deck and talk. Remember Madeira ? We were so unaware of the monstrous thing that was about to happen to us.”
As he was talking I was living it all again.
He said: “I’m sorry. I shouldn’t have reminded you. If we had any sense we’d do our best to forget.”
“We can’t forget, Lucas. We can’t ever forget.”
“We could … if we made up our minds. We could start
a new life together. Do you remember when we talked of our initials? I said it was significant that Life had brought us together, little knowing then what we were to endure. How close we have become since then. I said my initials spelt HELL . Hadrian Edward Lucas Lorimer, and as RC you could bring me back to the path of righteousness. Do you remember? “
“Yes, I do, very well.”
“Well, it’s true. You could save me. You see, it has come to pass. I was speaking prophetically. You and I … we could face everything together… we could make life better than it was before …”
“Oh, Lucas … I wish …”
“We could go right away from here. Anywhere we fancied …”
“You couldn’t leave Trecorn, Lucas. Carleton needs you there.”
“Well, would it matter where we were? We could help him together.”
“Oh, Lucas … I am so sorry. I truly wish …”
He smiled at me ruefully.
“I understand,” he said.
“Well, let’s make the best of what is. Whatever happens, what we went through together will always make us special friends. I often think of that man Player.
I wonder what happened to him. I should like to know, wouldn’t you?”
I nodded, afraid to speak.
He went on: “I understand why you did this, Rosetta. It’s because you want to move away from all that went before. You’re right in a way. So you have gone to that place. It’s entirely new … new surroundings, new work … a challenge. Particularly the girl. You have changed, Rosetta. I have to say I think she is helping you.”
“Yes, I am sure she is.”
“It’s brave of you to have done this. I think I’m something of a coward.”
“Oh no, no. You suffered more than I did. And you brought about your own freedom.”
“Only because I was a useless hulk.”
“You’re not useless. I love you very much. I admire you, and I am so grateful because you are my friend.”
He took my hand and held it firmly.
“Will you always remember that?”
“Always,” I said.
“I’m so glad to have seen you. I feel so safe … to know that you are nearby.”
“I shall always be there,” he said.
“And perhaps one day you will call me in. Now … let’s get out of this place. Come. Show me your Goldie. Let’s ride out to the sea and gallop along the beach. Let’s tell ourselves that our good angels are smiling on us and all our wishes will be granted. There is a nice sentimental speech for an old cynic, is it not?”
“Yes, and I like to hear it.”
“After all, who knows what will be waiting for us?”
“One can never tell.”
