The Rocker That Loves Me

I knew Harper was going to be different—special. Last night I had realized that I was developing feelings for her. I hadn’t slept much while I tried to determine if I wanted to find out if what I was feeling for her was what Drake felt for Lana or what my other band brothers had found with Emmie and Layla. Part of me had been jealous of their new happiness, while another part had felt sorry for the poor bastards.

After deciding that I at least wanted to see were these crazy ass feelings were heading, I had gone for a run to keep from rushing over to see her. I didn’t want to spook her.

But with her whispered words echoing through my head like she had screamed them, I was finding it hard to breathe. Her first kiss. First kiss. First. Kiss.

I had suspected that she wasn’t very experienced. Lana had hinted at it, and Harper had shown plenty of signs of it. But she had just basically admitted to being a virgin. Sure, I had deflowered my share of virgins as a stupid ass kid. I had no respect for girls then; I barely respected myself at the time. Fuck, that was still the case!

But not with Harper, dammit!

No matter how badly I wanted her—and it was almost to the point of pain—I was not going to take her virginity. I didn’t deserve something that special, not when I was so fucked up. I would taint her.

Devastated, I took a step back. Still breathing hard, my body still aching to have her, I pulled away from her. Violet eyes looked up at me with desire until she saw my clenched jaw. “I’m sorry, Harper.” I told her and watched her eyes go blank. “I…I can’t… This won’t work…”

She just nodded and I practically ran from the apartment before I changed my mind. I couldn’t destroy her sweetness with my sickness!

As soon as my feet hit the sidewalk outside, I started running. It didn’t matter that I was in jeans. All I wanted to do was burn off the frustration making my entire body hurt. My heart felt like someone had stabbed it right in the center. Finally, I had found someone that I wanted for more than a quick fuck, and I couldn’t have her!

One of Emmie’s gods must really hate me, probably laughing at me right at that moment. I had found paradise and lost it all in the blink of an eye. It wasn’t lost on me that the one girl in the world I felt something deep for turned out to be my complete opposite.

I had been screwing every girl that looked interested since I was fourteen, and saying that I had fucked thousands of girls was not an understatement. When Demon’s Wings had hit it big, women were lining up for quickies. There were nights when I would start out with one and end the night with two, sometimes three.

Those nights had been fun, but now I just felt sick thinking about them. I felt dirty, unclean, and undeserving of Harper. Sweet, innocent Harper, who had experienced her first kiss with me…

My heart was screaming for me to go back, to take what it now considered as mine, while my brain was shouting at me to keep running. I was only going to cause her pain. All the reasons I shouldn’t get close to her or let her love me as I so desperately wanted her to, kept flashing through my mind.

The images had me stopping, my hands on my knees as I tried to catch my breath after the long, demanding run I had just put my lungs through. I was on the verge of puking and tried to get my gag reflux under control.

When the nausea passed I straightened my body out and started running again, needing the physical pain to numb the emotions.

It was more than an hour later before I finally stopped torturing my lungs and legs. Sweat soaked my shirt, and my jeans were beyond uncomfortable to wear. I was somewhere in Central Park, the unrelenting sun beating down on me. Panting, I sat down under a big tree and pulled my cellphone out of my pocket.

Emmie picked up on the third ring. “What’s up?” She sounded distracted and I could hear Mia jabbering something in the background.

“Just needed to hear your voice,” I told her honestly. I was so homesick for her, especially when I was hurting.

“Everything okay out there?” she asked, her tone concerned now. “You don’t sound like yourself.”

I didn’t want to worry her. She already took care of us and our everyday shit without complaining…much. I was a grown ass man. I could handle my love life on my own. Besides, she probably wouldn’t have believed me if I did tell her the truth. “Just finished a run,” I told her instead. “How are my girls doing?”

“Mia has a new tooth,” Emmie informed me, and I smiled despite the pain still lingering in my chest. “That makes seven now. And she’s walking more. I can’t keep up with her! Oh, and she said Shay. I’m pretty sure she was saying Shane, so I think she misses you.”

“I miss her too. And you.” Especially you. 

Chapter 6

Harper

“I hate guys.”

I heard her words but didn’t raise my head as I continued to edit the batch of pictures I had taken earlier that day for my freelance job that morning. When Dallas started complaining about guys I knew to just nod and agree with her anyway.

“Fucking rock stars.”

“Really don’t care, Dallas.” I didn’t mean to snap at her, but if she was going to suddenly tell me that she was sleeping with a rock star, I wouldn’t have been able to handle it.

Almost two weeks after my embarrassing kiss with a certain rock star and I was still hurting. I hadn’t heard from or seen Shane since that Sunday when he had kissed me and ran. I knew that I wasn’t what he went for and he had more than proven that to me.

Of course Dallas went on as if I hadn’t even said a word. “Do you know he had the nerve to ask me to be in his new music video? Like I would ever give him the time of day, let alone prance around like one of his ho-bags in a stupid video!”

I rolled my eyes at her. “If you say so.” She was still talking about it, which told me that she secretly wanted to. That was just the way Dallas was. The lady doth protest too much and all that bullshit.

“I don’t even like his music.” Dallas stretched out on the couch beside me, her feet pressed against my thigh as she flipped through the channels without really seeing them. “Demon’s Wings are so much better if you ask me.”

The mention of that particular band had me grimacing, and I closed my laptop. “So who is it?” I asked. “Some boy band metro sexual guy piss you off?”

“Axton Cage.” She said his name with a disgusted twist of her lips, but I wasn’t blind to the interested light in her baby blues. “He is such a douche.”

I raised a brow at that. “You met Axton Cage?”

“Yup. When I went with Lana this mornin’. Shane called to invite her to watch the auditions. She already leave for her date with the Demon?”

“Shane?”

“Drake,” Dallas corrected, a smirk on her face. “Bettcha ten bucks she doesn’t come home tonight.”

I rolled my eyes and pushed my glasses up on my nose. “No deal. We both know that she isn’t coming home.” It wasn’t that Lana was easy. She was just so in love with the guy that she wouldn’t be able to turn him down if that was what he had in mind. And if he was smart, he would definitely have that in mind.

“How did your shoot go this morning?” she asked, apparently done with her rock star rant for the moment. “You never said who the job was for.”

I couldn’t help but grin. My personal life might not be the greatest at the moment, but I was thriving in my career. “It was Rock America. They needed someone to cover a story and take some pictures. I sent them my portfolio before graduation and didn’t think I would ever hear back from them. I already emailed them my article and the pictures I thought worked best and the editor was in love with my work!”